Warnings for those who've never been in therapy

[QUOTE=BudFox;6579253]The internet is filled with stories of therapists reciprocating. Or initiating. ****The intwrnet is also filled with amazing therapists who help clients fo on the live better lives*******

There are also many stories of people caught up in humiliating unrequited fake therapy love. ****there are many stories of therapists eho help client's work through these feelings*****

Therapy is set up to provoke this s**t. Therapists are serial seducers (often subtle). It's convenient to blame the client for "getting the wrong idea". ****SOME Ts are pathetic asses****

It's a great profession for sexual predators. Emotional predators too.[/QUOTE *****as are many other professions....the profession itself doesnt promote or xonsone these. As in every other procession there are good and the bad.

Therapists are in it to make a living. Any specific client is expendable.
Don't bet more than you are willing to lose. Therapists are master manipulators who often get off on power and adoration.

Therapists and other clients will seek to shame and blame you if things go amiss - don't believe them.

Therapy is not the only road to happiness or "healing" or anything else. It is one tool that might help you or not -but it is not the only thing possible of helping and it can cause great harm. Don't rush in, be cautious, and keep your head and emotions in check. Take classes to know how they manipulate and do stuff at clients. I found that very helpful in fending the woman off from doing at me what I did not want. Be firm with them and keep your boundaries firm and tight.

I agree with most of the last patagraphy.

OP asked what warnings we’d give. That’s the warning I would give. You can give a different one. We don’t all have to have the same response

Of course there are awful therapists who sexually or otherwise abuse their clients. In my post I wasn’t referring to those situations. I was specifically referring to unfortunate situations when clients expect therapists to reciprocate to their feelings and respond to advances. Someone who has never been in therapy needs to be warned that expectations of therapists becoming their lovers and friends (during or after therapy) etc are totally unrealistic. It would save some people ton of heartache if they were warned ahead of time.

Excellent points. Therapy could be expensive and it’s worth it trying to at least look for more affordable options etc

Therapists are there to work like all of us. Don’t be surprised that they are getting paid lol they aren’t volunteers.

As in any profession there are some good therapists and some bad as there are bad doctors and good doctors etc

They aren’t G-ds, they are just regular folks like the rest of us. I have a very good dentist but if I don’t brush and floss and don’t watch my diet my teeth will fall out no matter how good is my dentist. She isn’t miracle worker. Therapists aren’t miracle workers either.

Don’t be afraid to stop therapy if it doesn’t suit you or your therapist sucks or you simply want to do other things in life. Unless court ordered you aren’t required to spend your entire life in therapy

I haven't seen much evidence that people go in with those expectations. I think it's much more likely people will develop intense and disturbing feelings that are outside their control, provoked directly by the bizarre therapy game. I think there ought to be warnings about that.

Therapists imply lots of things about client expectations. It's one of many techniques they use to deflect accountability.

I’ve seen evidence of that (at least with expectation to have a friend). I’ve also seen evidence of people being angry with therapists for not responding favorably to romantic and sexual advances and insisting that therapists must reciprocate. I’ve also seen evidence of people getting angry or very upset with therapists declining friendship offers. I’ve seen evidence of people expecting it from every t they see very soon after meeting them and being heartbroken every single time.

That’s why I believe that it’s a valid warning:: regardless what is one’s goal or reason for attending therapy therapists cannot be their friends or lovers. I firmly believe that it would save everyone a lot of pain and suffering if they knew that . I would even go as far as suggesting that therapists should give a disclaimer about it when take on a new client.

Personally I’d probably be a bit taken aback if t gave me such disclaimer, but I’ve seen evidence that many people would benefit from such disclaimer.

We can agree to disagree. I believe it’s a valid warning based on ton of evidence from this forum alone

While it makes sense that a sexual or emotional predator might be attracted to the profession--the two therapists (I don't count the 1st one whom I only went to twice because she had nothing to offer) I have gone to have been nothing but professional and are careful about establishing boundaries but were also willing to be flexible about boundaries after I saw them a few times. Not all therapy is bad. Sometimes we need someone to listen to our troubles so that we don't have to burden our loved ones as much. My POV is that therapy is helpful when we are going through or just survived a stressful event. Trust your gut--if it is telling you something is wrong or you are getting nothing out of it (wasting time/money)--run~!

People can develop intense and disturbing feelings that are outside of their control with other people in their lives besides therapists IMO.... I do agree that people don't go into therapy wanting to be friends or wanting to develop a sexual attraction. I am not sure if the "other" person is what provokes these feelings. As someone who occassionally developes intense feelings about people--I think the reasons have to do more with me rather than manipulation from the other person. This is my experiece. Perhaps I am naive in assuming that it wasn't an evil plot that I was seduced?

My t told me that she has met or heard of ton of therapists who abuse substances: alcohol and/or drugs. I found it quite interesting. I never thought about it as none of the ones I know (personally as well as professionally) abuse substances. Scary warning: be aware of a t who is on something? Hope they abused substances in their spare time not at work. Jeez

Therapy may be the hardest and most painful thing you do. It can take a long time even years to meet your goals. Often just when you are starting to make progress something will happen and push you backwards.

I'm not saying it's malicious (except for the occasional psycho). I think subtle seduction is built into the process. If you talk about your struggles and someone appears interested, understanding, selfless.. this is VERY seductive. It's why some people become instant therapy addicts.

Do not feel bad for stopping therapy. I saw a therapist for like 15 years and the last 5 were a waste of my time. We would basically shoot the s*** for 50 minutes every week and I would pay him my copay.

The number 1 thing to check imo is that your therapist has supervision. As far as I know this isn't the law in the US and I find that shocking. In the Uk, professional therapists who are regulated under BACP and other professional bodies have to have regular supervision whilst seeing clients. This is because therapists are human too (no, really?) and have blind spots, especially when a client touches on their personal issues. It can't be assumed that any therapist, no matter how well qualified, can rely on his or her own judgement when emotions are being pressed. It is vital that a therapist can take their work with clients to supervision and not to mention important for their emotional wellbeing as well. I would never see a T who claimed they didn't need supervision. Big warning bells right there.

The therapist I had trouble with got supervision. She came back with a new persona (more distant) and a bit later started trying to get rid of me.

Therapists have different priories from clients. The two of them getting together did not help me. It helped my therapist cover her *** and get support for HER problems.

I've seen a short video of the supervisor. She seems clueless. It's considered a plus if a therapist has done a lot of his/her own therapy and gets supervision. But it's not a plus if it's the blind leading the blind. It's a dysfunctional family and the delusions get passed down thru the generations.

It's a closed system and there are no reality checks from outside the system.

Who advocates for the client? Nobody.

For the most part I agree completerly. By the time I started seeing T she was a T for 30 years. I was okay with her not have regular supervision. She did have other therapist froends that would wound bounce things off each other but it wasn't formal supervision.

Emdr T gas been practicing for 10 years and she monthly supervision. This person helps her brainstorm ideas and get a fresh perspective. She has spoken to her supervisor a couple of times about me.

Well said.

My therapists strongly advocated for me.

Mine didn't. Nobody advocates for me, still. And though I try my best to do it for myself, it is difficult to overcome the damage from the past, and to articulate the damage in a way that can be heard and accepted as possibly valid.