Warnings for those who've never been in therapy

this is what i learned as well...in the end, the only one who was looking out for me and my best interests in therapy was me.

so to add to Budfox's advice, don't hesitate or be afraid to speak up and advocate for yourself when your gut is firing off alarm bells and telling you something feels off. it's about empowering yourself and knowing what is right for you instead of consistently being strung along. waiting and holding out hope for a miraculous change or improvement in your therapy or the relationship with your T.

I definitely agree with this.

Therapy is not very effective if the client has been misdiagnosed and doesn't feel heard. When I was a teenager, I watched myself change into a different person, almost like a professional patient, just to get answers to my struggles. It made me feel worse, so I had to get out.

Years later I returned with a different diagnosis. Feeling heard made a huge difference. I finally felt, that I could be honest. There was no need to hide anymore and conform. I was free to work on myself and improve my interpersonal skills.

This is a great thread!

Many others have already alluded to this, but I will share it again anyway.

- Familiarize yourself with your rights as a patient wherever you are.
- Familiarize yourself with the ethics that your therapist ought to follow.
- Therapy is NOT inherently safe (despite the continued efforts to market it as such), it is a gross power imbalance that affords all the power in the world to the therapist with absolutely zero accountability. While most therapists will not abuse you, the problem is they CAN and in most situations they will get away with it. Protect yourself!
- Therapists are fallible human beings, do not blindly trust them!
- Ethics and morals depend on the individual; no therapist should be given benefit of the doubt, they should earn it!
- Trust is EARNED. Look for the EVIDENCE (Health records contents is a good place to start).
- Health records are not just session notes, they are LEGAL record; meaning they carry A LOT of weight and should be viewed through a legal lens.
- (If it is legal to do so) Audio record every interaction without telling your therapist and keep emails / text messages for future reference.
- While therapists are trained, their knowledge is constantly changing (Psychology goes through paradigm shifts).
- You can see 20 difference psychologists and all of them could have a completely different diagnosis about the same client. (Psychology is an art, not a science).
- You should always get a second opinion if you feel you have been wronged / improperly diagnosed. If you get a second opinion, go somewhere that will not be tainted by conflicts of interest and do not let then know you are coming for a second opinion. Professionals contact one another and COULD get on board with each-other.
- Do not feel obliged to stay in the relationship if your therapist is unable to help. It is important to find the right fit and someone you feel you connect with.
- Everything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. (Custody battles, legal situations, etc).
- According to internal surveys in the U.S.A., 10 - 13% of therapists ADMIT to sleeping with clients.
- Very few complaints are effective, (despite the fact that less than 1% of complaints are found to the malicious).
- Most complaints will become he said / she said, in which case nothing can be done and those investigating the complaints are more likely to believe mental health professionals over mental health patients.
- Before filing complaints / lawsuits, get copies of your session notes and don't let your therapist know about your plans; they can and do alter and falsify health records in preparation for lawsuits and or complaints. (They know how legal health records play out).
- There are good therapists out there.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

I don't know if there is anything new I can add at this point but thank you for creating this thread and to all those who have contributed. Being as informed as possible will help each individual searching to hire a therapist.

I'm sorry that you've had such terrible experiences with therapists. Please know though, there are good ones out there (I know it can hurt to hear that),

I don't mean to imply that any T getting supervision is always a good one. It's just important from my point of view that any one considering therapy checks that the therapist is supervised. There are good therapists and bad therapists, good and bad supervisors too. And unfortunately a rubbish T is probably more likely to be drawn to a rubbish supervisor (someone who doesn't get him or her to face up to their stuff - literally the blind leading the blind). But when it works well, supervision is a godsend; so, so important.

It is difficult when a client isn't in the place to know what's best for them. Therein lies the problems that therapy can create. But like anything that can be used to better people, sadly the opposite is also possible in some cases when people have not worked through their stuff. I wish everyone who needs therapy could find a good one.

No, I disagree, there are NOT any good ones out there. None are doing anything about the awful ones who are ruining people's lives. I understand it may be hurtful to those of you who think you have good ones, but It's like the priests who were in denial about sex abuse in the Catholic Church. Your T may be helping you, time will tell on that one, but their denial is helping to perpetrate harm on others.

It doesn't hurt me to read your opinion because I have absolutely no confidence or faith in those people which can be hurt.

None? Are you sure about that?

They can't save you
They can't fix you
You have to do the work
You have to be willing to change

Exactly - therapists do not do anything. You might as well toss money into the wind as give it to a therapist. Anyone can change on their own. You don't need a therapist for anything

Yes. They certainly DID hurt me, though.

That's the poppycock they feed you.

55 years of therapy on and off. I certainly drank that kool-aid lots of times.

Do you think I didn't "do the work"? Do you think I didn't "change", getting in touch with my feelings and expressing them "authentically?

It's hogwash-- at least for someone like I was coming into therapy. And, umm. . .,I was supposed to know that 55 years ago? Therapists have no accountability for that kind of thing? Nope, not according to the litany you just listed.

Logically, if you think -- don't just feel -- about it, that makes no sense.

Sure, but your experience is not the only one and also not the most important one in the world, right? Sure, it is the most important one for you but do you really insist that other people should discard their experience in favor of yours?

Or do you insist that other people's experiences are wrong or they are not able to make sense of their experiences? I hope not.

It's not about good vs bad therapists. It's about the insidious therapy paradigm. I know it can hurt to hear that.

Warning: So-called good therapists can and do cause damage. That's what nobody wants to talk about.

I haven't had terrible therapy experiences. I had one terrible experience. The rest (and there many) were pointless.

How on earth did you come to the assumptions you made about about me and my comment from what I wrote? That stuff just wasn't there.

"No, I disagree, there are NOT any good ones out there."

You did not write this sentence couple of posts ago?

One person made a blanket statement that there were some good therapists and I made a blanket statement that there weren't, for the very specific reason that I mentioned. It is among the factors that are warning signs to me, however, and why I do not trust any therapists any more.

If the reason I mentioned doesn't seem relevant to somebody, that's certainly up to them. It has nothing to do with the assumptions you made, any more than you or the other person are insisting that I am wrong or should discard my experience in favor of yours. Or, perhaps that IS what you are trying to do?

No, HT. Your statement appears to be an absolute statement that there are "no" good therapists out there. Saying "some" good therapists is not an absolute and certainly not a "blanket statement" - "some" is not an overgeneralization; it leaves for the reality that there are both good and bad. That is what we are bringing to your attention.

You state that "none" of the therapists are working to do "anything about the awful ones who are ruining people's lives." You cannot possibly know that; it does not allow for the distinct possibility that there are very likely good therapists out there trying to fix the problems that are certainly recurrent problems in therapy.

I have seen few, if any, members here say that "all" therapy is good, "all" therapists are good. Clearly that is not the case. However, for some reason it is okay for you to say "all" therapists are in denial and "helping to perpetrate harm." That kind of absolutist statement is what we have a problem with.

Perhaps that is not what you meant by your statements; we only have your own words to go by. We are not judging your experience; we are bringing to your attention that your words speak to "all" therapists rather than "your" therapists. I haven't seen anyone here say you should discard your experience. It may just be that your wording is coming off as absolute when you don't intend to apply that statement to everyone else's experience.

Regardless, I won't further comment on your statement. I don't know that any further discussion will make much difference in the long run.

Wow, I did not realise that you think we are always discussing your T's and experiences here.

The statement that there are good T's out there (one or some or many), is not a blanket statement but simply a fact. This fact does not invalidate your experience that those that you met were not good (for you/in general/whatever). But we are not discussing only those T's who you have had the chance to meet but also those T's that other people have met.

I'm not trying to make you discard your experience nor have I seen anyone else doing that. I have seen you (and some of your friends here) though trying to present their experience as ultimate truth and trying to discard other people's experiences.

I believe that if therapy helps someone, it is sheer luck of the draw and that the therapist at best just didn't do anything to make that client's life worse while the client managed through time or what ever to get better.
I understand that others do not agree with me. My belief has no power to take away whatever someone else finds useful about therapy or therapists. IF someone believes they were helped by therapy or a therapist - it is okay with me.

I am reminded of Bull Durham:
"If you believe you're playing well because you're getting laid, or because you're not getting laid, or because you wear women's underwear, then you are! And you should know that!"

I agree.