Warnings for those who've never been in therapy

Gogu2 · Jul 02, 2019 at 03:49 PM

- The therapist won't be your friend.
- Therapy doesn't always work.

Go on.

missbella · Jul 02, 2019 at 04:11 PM

-No therapist nor anyone else is omniscient. If she pretends to explain unseen cause-effect or the behavior of someone she never met, the therapist is operating beyond her pay grade.
- It's unwise completely to surrender judgment to a therapist or anyone else.
-Human response doesn't stop at the consulting room door. Being a therapist doesn't excuse discourtesy, anger or controlling behavior.
-If therapy is conditioning you to be sadder, angrier, more helpless or feel more victimized, consider if this truly is moving you forward.
-Reconsider this therapy if it's causing more drama rather than helping you reduce it.

Mopey · Jul 02, 2019 at 04:11 PM

Too true, Gogu2, too true.

LabRat27 · Jul 02, 2019 at 05:07 PM

-there are many different kinds of therapy and many different therapists. Some may be helpful for you, others may not. It's okay to try a different one. It's useful to try a few before possibly deciding that maybe therapy isn't right for you at this point in time. That's okay too.
-bad experiences happen. When they happen they can be hurtful and harmful.
-good experiences happen. When they happen they can be healing and helpful.
-what you want in the moment isn't always what's in your best interests. A good and responsible therapist won't always say or do what you want.

stopdog · Jul 02, 2019 at 05:26 PM

No therapist knows what is in your best interest. Do what you think best. Do not let a therapist tell you what to do or how to be. You hire them - you don't have to work with one who does not work the way you want.

SalingerEsme · Jul 02, 2019 at 06:44 PM

Both therapist and client act out of their individual unconscious at times, and impasses or enactments occur. They can be fatal to therapy or they can strengthen the bond.

Therapists say the boundaries / frame is for the client, but it is often bc they don't want responsibilities outside of 45-50 minutes despite how intimate the sessions might feel. It is one way glass.

SummerTime12 · Jul 02, 2019 at 07:17 PM

Sometimes you will feel worse before you start to feel better.

kaleidoscopeheart · Jul 02, 2019 at 07:42 PM

- You are the expert on your life, not the therapist.
- Therapists are one tool you can use for self improvement, not the whole hardware store. Choose your tool wisely and don’t be afraid to find a new one if it stops working or completely step away when the job is done.
- Therapists are human and no human is infallible.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 02, 2019 at 07:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LabRat27

-there are many different kinds of therapy and many different therapists. Some may be helpful for you, others may not. It's okay to try a different one. It's useful to try a few before possibly deciding that maybe therapy isn't right for you at this point in time. That's okay too.
...
-what you want in the moment isn't always what's in your best interests. A good and responsible therapist won't always say or do what you want.

I second both of these. If you feel stuck with a particular therapist, try a different one, even just for a single-session consultation. Getting a different perspective can be really helpful. And as my T says (who I switched to after getting stuck with ex-T), a therapist only has so much in their bag of tricks. And the T can help you through one issue or one phase of your life might not be the right one to help you through something else (or something like that).

And if your T is unable to take criticism (within reason), accept feedback, and/or admit they're wrong, consider looking elsewhere.

There may be things you want, that feel good in the moment but that won't help you overall. If a T is simply giving you/saying what you want in the moment, it may not be helpful to you or moving you forward. Sometimes you have to face hard truths in therapy, whether about yourself or someone else, and they can really hurt. But if you don't face them, you get stuck.

LabRat27 · Jul 02, 2019 at 08:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I second both of these. If you feel stuck with a particular therapist, try a different one, even just for a single-session consultation. Getting a different perspective can be really helpful. And as my T says (who I switched to after getting stuck with ex-T), a therapist only has so much in their bag of tricks. And the T can help you through one issue or one phase of your life might not be the right one to help you through something else (or something like that).

And if your T is unable to take criticism (within reason), accept feedback, and/or admit they're wrong, consider looking elsewhere.

There may be things you want, that feel good in the moment but that won't help you overall. If a T is simply giving you/saying what you want in the moment, it may not be helpful to you or moving you forward. Sometimes you have to face hard truths in therapy, whether about yourself or someone else, and they can really hurt. But if you don't face them, you get stuck.

what you want/what feels good in the moment can also be really really damaging in the long term, especially with boundary crossing and violation stuff.

autonoe · Jul 02, 2019 at 08:16 PM

If your therapist gives you an opinion and then gets angry or offended when you don't agree, proceed very carefully. Don't invite someone with a god complex into your life.

nottrustin · Jul 02, 2019 at 08:43 PM

A therapist will often do their best but as clients we need to work harder than they do.

They are human and will make mistakes, how they and respond will make all the difference.

Our issues/problems didn't happen overnight so the healing will also not happen overnight.

divine1966 · Jul 02, 2019 at 09:10 PM

If you start therapy in hopes that therapist will become your lover, object of your sexual desire, your friend or your parent, your therapy will be unsuccessful as therapists aren’t obligated and in fact aren’t allowed to play any of those roles. Too many people complain about therapists being monsters because they answered “no” to sexual or romantic propositions made by a client. Wrong premise to begin with

If you want therapy to work, you got to put some work in. Therapist can’t fix it all for you.

If you go to therapy just because you are lonely, it won’t work as therapist cant replace the entire world for you

velcro003 · Jul 02, 2019 at 09:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

If you go to therapy just because you are lonely, it won’t work as therapist cant replace the entire world for you

yeah, this is powerful.

stopdog · 10:32 PM

Therapists are quick to blame clients and reading here - so are other clients. Don't believe them. If therapy fails - it is on the profession or the therapist -not the client

velcro003 · Jul 02, 2019 at 09:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

Therapists are quick to blame clients and reading here - so are other clients. Don't believe them. If therapy fails - it is on the profession not the client

I do agree with this as well.

koru_kiwi · Jul 02, 2019 at 10:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

Sometimes you will feel worse before you start to feel better....

but therapy should never leave you in a perpetual state of hopelessness.

zapatoes · Jul 03, 2019 at 12:38 AM

In the past I went to different therapists at the same time and they gave good advice, each a little different, but very helpful. It was a rough time and was grateful for the help and advice. One gave advice on a book to read about depression and the other gave advice regarding be around people as much as possible (I tend to isolate). It still good advice, although don’t always follow it.

stopdog · Jul 03, 2019 at 08:08 AM

Therapy/therapists are not harmless. It is a risk and not only can it be completely useless - therapy has the potential to be actively harmful.
How often does psychotherapy make people feel worse? – Research Digest

Also - don't bet more than you are willing to lose. Therapists can and will use your vulnerability against you.

here today · Jul 03, 2019 at 09:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by koru_kiwi

but therapy should never leave you in a perpetual state of hopelessness.

"Should" doesn't mean it won't, however.

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Warnings for those who've never been in therapy

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Gogu2 New Member Member Since May 2018 Location: Wonderland Posts: 8 5	Jul 02, 2019 at 03:49 PM #1 - The therapist won't be your friend. - Therapy doesn't always work. Go on.
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Mopey Magnate Member Since Oct 2018 Location: California Posts: 2,025 5 1,520 hugs given	Jul 02, 2019 at 04:11 PM #3 Too true, Gogu2, too true.
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SummerTime12 Grand Member Member Since Mar 2013 Location: USA Posts: 876 11 601 hugs given	Jul 02, 2019 at 07:17 PM #7 Sometimes you will feel worse before you start to feel better.
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kaleidoscopeheart Member Member Since Apr 2017 Location: Parts Unknown Posts: 333 7 77 hugs given	Jul 02, 2019 at 07:42 PM #8 - You are the expert on your life, not the therapist. - Therapists are one tool you can use for self improvement, not the whole hardware store. Choose your tool wisely and don’t be afraid to find a new one if it stops working or completely step away when the job is done. - Therapists are human and no human is infallible.
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autonoe Member Member Since Apr 2018 Location: US Posts: 118 6 28 hugs given	Jul 02, 2019 at 08:16 PM #11 If your therapist gives you an opinion and then gets angry or offended when you don't agree, proceed very carefully. Don't invite someone with a god complex into your life.
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nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Jul 02, 2019 at 08:43 PM #12 A therapist will often do their best but as clients we need to work harder than they do. They are human and will make mistakes, how they and respond will make all the difference. Our issues/problems didn't happen overnight so the healing will also not happen overnight. __________________
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