Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLI

nottrustin · Jul 03, 2019 at 03:31 PM

We did it again. We went too deep and now I am a mess. sigh. Why do I seem to feel the worst after such productive sessions??

unaluna · Jul 03, 2019 at 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I kind of liked XXL. Going from telling the therapist something big to something REALLY big.
Of course XXL is nonsense in Roman numerals.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

I'll do it next time but add XXXL !

Im gonna report both of you for conspiracy to go against guidelines!

Eta - unfortunately, thats not a thing, so...

LonesomeTonight · Jul 03, 2019 at 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nottrustin

We did it again. We went too deep and now I am a mess. sigh. Why do I seem to feel the worst after such productive sessions??

Hugs...this often happens to me, too. T compared it recently to tearing open a stuffed animal, and there's all this stuffing hanging out and not having time to sew it up before I leave.

nottrustin · Jul 03, 2019 at 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Hugs...this often happens to me, too. T compared it recently to tearing open a stuffed animal, and there's all this stuffing hanging out and not having time to sew it up before I leave.

That is a great description. She always reminds me I can tell her I cant answer the questions or say we need to change the subject. It always feels safe so when we have a good flow going we tend to go deeper than either intended.
Yesterday we went 25 minutes over before she looked at the clock. So I didnt want to keep her to long in pulling myself together.

it feels like we picked the scab on a huge wound. We can cover the wound and stop the bleeding. So I lesve and go out into the real world and my emotions spiral out of control.

susannahsays · Jul 03, 2019 at 05:47 PM

C emailed me to "grow up" and I think that was mean! I should get to come on Friday instead of her since she said that! But you would probably be angry if I came. It's not fair!

susannahsays · Jul 03, 2019 at 05:48 PM

I want you to pay attention to me, dammit!

Jul 03, 2019 at 08:14 PM

If I ask, will you write me a letter at the end of the summer? Pretty please?

malika138 · Jul 03, 2019 at 10:42 PM

Now I feel depressed. Having H come in so we could talk about parenting ended up me feeling like the two of you were telling me it was all my fault. I know you both said that wasn't true, but honestly that is 100% what I heard.

I'm glad I had asked for an extra, individual session this week. I'm trying not to feel guilty that you proposed Friday, the day you take off, and then today said it had to be late in the day because you had other things going on.

susannahsays · Jul 03, 2019 at 10:59 PM

I want to act out, but I'm not going to since you're in mourning and I'm not a monster.

But just know that all the wickedness inside me is screeching to be released.

Lemoncake · Jul 04, 2019 at 02:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Im gonna report both of you for conspiracy to go against guidelines!

Eta - unfortunately, thats not a thing, so...

Hehe there are no rules against not using roman numerals!

Lrad123 · Jul 04, 2019 at 07:47 AM

I was more open yesterday, and I left feeling better. Is that how this works?

Jul 04, 2019 at 09:28 AM

Well I had a doozy of an insight last night!! It came about I think because of how last week you said about that one thing - that we could try to figure out why I do it or I could look at it as just a habit - which for this makes so much sense - and actually led me to 'get' why I developed it. Ugh now I gotta break the habit!

unaluna · Jul 04, 2019 at 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

Hehe there are no rules against not using roman numerals!

Ooh, i'll stir your pot! The guideline is that the numbering of continued threads be sequential. Numerical sequential. Not undergotchies size sequential!

How could you possibly think i didnt know to what guideline i was referring? :huffy:

unaluna · Jul 04, 2019 at 12:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

Hehe there are no rules against not using roman numerals!

Youre driving me mad! And its a short drive!

LabRat27 · Jul 04, 2019 at 01:36 PM

I need you

Echos Myron redux · Jul 04, 2019 at 02:01 PM

I miss you. And I'm annoyed with you. It's a horrible combination.

LostOnTheTrail · Jul 04, 2019 at 02:19 PM

Well, that was unexpected. I feel like I've just watched an episode of Breaking the Magician's Code about my own life...only the magicians weren't magicians. They were insensitive sods.

susannahsays · Jul 04, 2019 at 02:48 PM

Lonely af.

Jul 04, 2019 at 04:41 PM

Hey L. My sister just called to wish me a happy birthday and I told her I want to talk with her about something when she has more time. She was on her way to supervise a fireworks thing with her daughter so didn't have time today. But at least I have told her now and you will be glad to hear that even if the actual phone call doesn't happen before next Thursday.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 04, 2019 at 05:59 PM

Dear T,
You probably picked a good time to go out of town, as it's been pouring rain all day today. I'm trying to figure out if I'm doing OK because I'm accepting missing you and being OK with it. And/or if it's that I'm managing OK on my own, with my non-you support system. Or is that I'm compartmentalizing and trying to block you out? Because...it's not like I feel you with me right now. I'm not like, "I trust that you care, even if you're away, so I'm all good." So I'm not sure it's that I'm holding onto the attachment. Or am I just like, "OK I'm good I don't need you, pretending you don't exist and that I'm not attached to you because that makes it easier not to miss you"? Does it matter which thing it is? Is the important thing that I'm OK? I really don't know...I'd rather be holding your caring within me than...whatever this is. Stuff to talk about when you're back, I guess?

Love you,
LT

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLI

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nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Jul 03, 2019 at 03:31 PM #21 We did it again. We went too deep and now I am a mess. sigh. Why do I seem to feel the worst after such productive sessions?? __________________
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susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Jul 03, 2019 at 05:47 PM #25 C emailed me to "grow up" and I think that was mean! I should get to come on Friday instead of her since she said that! But you would probably be angry if I came. It's not fair! __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold
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susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Jul 03, 2019 at 05:48 PM #26 I want you to pay attention to me, dammit! __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold
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Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 03, 2019 at 08:14 PM #27 If I ask, will you write me a letter at the end of the summer? Pretty please?
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susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Jul 03, 2019 at 10:59 PM #29 I want to act out, but I'm not going to since you're in mourning and I'm not a monster. But just know that all the wickedness inside me is screeching to be released. __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold
	Reply With Quote

Lrad123 Poohbah Member Since Nov 2017 Location: United States Posts: 1,332 6 372 hugs given	Jul 04, 2019 at 07:47 AM #31 I was more open yesterday, and I left feeling better. Is that how this works?
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Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 04, 2019 at 09:28 AM #32 Well I had a doozy of an insight last night!! It came about I think because of how last week you said about that one thing - that we could try to figure out why I do it or I could look at it as just a habit - which for this makes so much sense - and actually led me to 'get' why I developed it. Ugh now I gotta break the habit!
	Reply With Quote

LabRat27 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2018 Location: CA Posts: 1,009 6 2,354 hugs given	Jul 04, 2019 at 01:36 PM #35 I need you
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Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,160 6 1,833 hugs given	Jul 04, 2019 at 02:01 PM #36 I miss you. And I'm annoyed with you. It's a horrible combination.
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susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Jul 04, 2019 at 02:48 PM #38 Lonely af. __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold
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Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 04, 2019 at 04:41 PM #39 Hey L. My sister just called to wish me a happy birthday and I told her I want to talk with her about something when she has more time. She was on her way to supervise a fireworks thing with her daughter so didn't have time today. But at least I have told her now and you will be glad to hear that even if the actual phone call doesn't happen before next Thursday.
	Reply With Quote