Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLI

LonesomeTonight · Jul 04, 2019 at 08:02 PM

Dear T,
So...I'm not really OK...if I'm sitting here sobbing, I think that confirms that...

Love,
LT

kaleidoscopeheart · Jul 05, 2019 at 03:50 AM

I had a dream where you left and passed me off to a colleague... please please please don't do that....

nottrustin · Jul 05, 2019 at 06:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Dear T,
You probably picked a good time to go out of town, as it's been pouring rain all day today. I'm trying to figure out if I'm doing OK because I'm accepting missing you and being OK with it. And/or if it's that I'm managing OK on my own, with my non-you support system. Or is that I'm compartmentalizing and trying to block you out? Because...it's not like I feel you with me right now. I'm not like, "I trust that you care, even if you're away, so I'm all good." So I'm not sure it's that I'm holding onto the attachment. Or am I just like, "OK I'm good I don't need you, pretending you don't exist and that I'm not attached to you because that makes it easier not to miss you"? Does it matter which thing it is? Is the important thing that I'm OK? I really don't know...I'd rather be holding your caring within me than...whatever this is. Stuff to talk about when you're back, I guess?

Love you,
LT

You put into words exactly qhat I go througg pretty every week

Lemoncake · Jul 05, 2019 at 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Youre driving me mad! And its a short drive!

I do love you original Una.

Lemoncake · Jul 05, 2019 at 11:22 AM

I couldn't control the crying, or speak but I didn't think that I had wasted the session until you said that I would email you saying so.

I wanted the you from yesterday.

It's not likely that you'll even reply and i'm left with his hurricane you sent my way.

susannahsays · Jul 05, 2019 at 01:32 PM

Where are you

susannahsays · Jul 05, 2019 at 02:07 PM

Will you be there on Monday?

CartDown · Jul 05, 2019 at 02:11 PM

I know you were trying to protect me, but I feel like you also left me in the dark.

And thinking about it really pisses me off.

Elio · Jul 05, 2019 at 04:57 PM

It would be really nice to hear your voice, even if there was mad somewhere in the mix. I'm not sure if it would make a difference. I'm not sure if I can keep telling myself no.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 05, 2019 at 05:03 PM

Dear T,
I wish I'd just sent you the whole email I wrote last night. And I wish I knew if your text was in reply to my email, or if you were just adding on to what you said in the text because I didn't reply. Like if you realized "fair enough" sounded sort of dismissive. I suppose I'll find out tomorrow morning if you reply to my email or not... This is one of the problems with modern communication. This all could have been resolved in like 3 minutes on a phone call...not that I'd expect you to call while you're away, just, it wouldn't have been all drawn out.
Love,
LT

LonesomeTonight · Jul 05, 2019 at 05:05 PM

Also, T, why would I email you during your vacation with a joke? You know I worry about bothering you...

susannahsays · Jul 05, 2019 at 05:25 PM

Maybe C will let me act out without snitching for once. I just need to take the edge off before I combust.

susannahsays · Jul 05, 2019 at 05:33 PM

Why did you have to say you would be there?

SlumberKitty · Jul 05, 2019 at 05:55 PM

Not sure if I'm ready to see you tomorrow. Trigger for SH

Possible trigger:

I need to tell you that I want to cut my arm and place a battery in there so that my heart will be regulated. I know that sounds bizarre when it's outside of my head but it seems like its what I have to do, a compulsion. Please don't think I'm a freak.

WarmFuzzySocks · Jul 05, 2019 at 08:24 PM

The ex says that his therapist told him I'd said something that I didn't actually say when I met with the t alone. Which means that either the t forgot (giving him the benefit of the doubt) he'd told me that he wouldn't tell the ex what I said in that meeting. OR we're playing round umpteen of "The therapist said..."

Meh. Whatever. But I sure didn't miss that.

I realized that my real work with you didn't begin until I wasn't constantly hearing about what you really said, what you really meant, what you really thought.

10:21 PM

Depending on how the rest of the weekend goes I may ask to come twice next week. I wonder if you will have any time available for that? I don't like starting to feel all needy of you again, though. At.all.

SheHulk07 · Jul 05, 2019 at 11:01 PM

I thought of calling you today but I don't want to seem needy and don't want to bother you. It feels a little TMI to call you and tell you how my appointment was upsetting even though we've talked about those appointments before.

Jul 06, 2019 at 01:10 AM

ExT I wish I could stop panicking and driving round trying to find you, old habits and all that.

zoiecat · Jul 06, 2019 at 04:01 AM

I am sooooo grateful for having a day away from you on the 4th. Unfortunately Monday will be here before I know it. Ugh. I've been dreading our next appointment since Thursday. I'm sure we will have to do EMDR. Please stop the world from spinning and give me another break from you. Please go on vacation soon. Please????

malika138 · Jul 06, 2019 at 10:52 AM

I haven't felt this bad in a long time. But I already saw you twice this week so I don't want to send an email to say how bad I am feeling. I just want to hide in bed, but then that's not a good example for A. How do I help a teenager get out of bed when all I want to do is hide? And sleep...

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLI

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LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,739 (SuperPoster!) 9 74.9k hugs given	Jul 04, 2019 at 08:02 PM #41 Dear T, So...I'm not really OK...if I'm sitting here sobbing, I think that confirms that... Love, LT
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kaleidoscopeheart Member Member Since Apr 2017 Location: Parts Unknown Posts: 333 7 77 hugs given	Jul 05, 2019 at 03:50 AM #42 I had a dream where you left and passed me off to a colleague... please please please don't do that....
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susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Jul 05, 2019 at 01:32 PM #46 Where are you __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold
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susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Jul 05, 2019 at 02:07 PM #47 Will you be there on Monday? __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold
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CartDown Member Member Since Apr 2019 Location: United States Posts: 70 5 53 hugs given	Jul 05, 2019 at 02:11 PM #48 I know you were trying to protect me, but I feel like you also left me in the dark. And thinking about it really pisses me off.
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Elio ............... Member Since Sep 2006 Location: in my head Posts: 2,911 17 8,779 hugs given	Jul 05, 2019 at 04:57 PM #49 It would be really nice to hear your voice, even if there was mad somewhere in the mix. I'm not sure if it would make a difference. I'm not sure if I can keep telling myself no.
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LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,739 (SuperPoster!) 9 74.9k hugs given	Jul 05, 2019 at 05:05 PM #51 Also, T, why would I email you during your vacation with a joke? You know I worry about bothering you...
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susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Jul 05, 2019 at 05:25 PM #52 Maybe C will let me act out without snitching for once. I just need to take the edge off before I combust. __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold
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susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Jul 05, 2019 at 05:33 PM #53 Why did you have to say you would be there? __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold
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Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 05, 2019 at 10:02 PM #56 Depending on how the rest of the weekend goes I may ask to come twice next week. I wonder if you will have any time available for that? I don't like starting to feel all needy of you again, though. At.all. Last edited by Anonymous43207; Jul 05, 2019 at 10:21 PM..
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SheHulk07 Magnate Member Since Oct 2013 Location: CO Posts: 2,305 10 871 hugs given	Jul 05, 2019 at 11:01 PM #57 I thought of calling you today but I don't want to seem needy and don't want to bother you. It feels a little TMI to call you and tell you how my appointment was upsetting even though we've talked about those appointments before.
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Anonymous42961 Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 06, 2019 at 01:10 AM #58 ExT I wish I could stop panicking and driving round trying to find you, old habits and all that.
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zoiecat Grand Member Member Since Apr 2017 Location: USA Posts: 916 7 409 hugs given	Jul 06, 2019 at 04:01 AM #59 I am sooooo grateful for having a day away from you on the 4th. Unfortunately Monday will be here before I know it. Ugh. I've been dreading our next appointment since Thursday. I'm sure we will have to do EMDR. Please stop the world from spinning and give me another break from you. Please go on vacation soon. Please????
	Reply With Quote

malika138 Member Member Since Apr 2017 Location: home Posts: 287 7 623 hugs given	Jul 06, 2019 at 10:52 AM #60 I haven't felt this bad in a long time. But I already saw you twice this week so I don't want to send an email to say how bad I am feeling. I just want to hide in bed, but then that's not a good example for A. How do I help a teenager get out of bed when all I want to do is hide? And sleep...
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