Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLI

Omers · Jul 14, 2019 at 09:50 PM

T, I want to know what you are thinking about us, about the email. I admitted I had something I wanted something from you. I want you beside me. I want you to help me process this. I asked for what I wanted. It may have been in email but I let you know what I wanted right now, in this moment from therapy. I want to know if you are excited that I got there of going oh F* I finally get her to where she asks and I am going out of town. Maybe it isn’t an either or.
While I am at it... might I suggest bringing an adult beverage to our next session... something a bit stronger than tea or kumbacha or what ever that yucky ferment stuff is.

Jul 14, 2019 at 10:03 PM

I sometimes would like to bring a bottle of wine to a session and share it with you.

Lonelyinmyheart · Jul 15, 2019 at 07:03 AM

I would give up everything, I mean EVERYTHING, all my personal growth, my strengths, my self care, everything I have learnt, just to stay in your house with you, be part of your life 24/7, just be near you all the time. I know that would never ever happen, maybe that's why I'm fantastising and letting myself allow it. I also feel so ashamed and stupid that I honestly feel I could give up all that, literally wreck my life, just for that chance. But I also think that you would probably get that. I think you would understand that feeling. I can't tell you - not yet. But I hope that you would hear that longing and care about it. Maybe it will be possible to tell you this for real sometime and we can talk about it.

Lemoncake · Jul 15, 2019 at 10:41 AM

You feel distant.

Have you noticed there's been no emails for almost 7 days now?

Lonelyinmyheart · Jul 16, 2019 at 09:58 AM

Dear T, I'm so glad I was able to tell you more or less what I wrote above. Thank you for texting such a kind and accepting response. I know I have found the perfect safe space to work through these difficult feelings and come to some sort of resolution with them when I'm ready to. I just wish that I didn't have to, I wish that I could be with you all the time and not have to do this work. But I know that you accept I'm feeling this way and it makes it easier to bear somehow.

Lemoncake · Jul 16, 2019 at 09:58 AM

Today's been slow.

Radiology exam = 20 days away.

RosyC · Jul 16, 2019 at 06:31 PM

I miss you. I do not want to talk to you at the moment because I do not think there is anything you can do to help me. I still miss you.

kaleidoscopeheart · Jul 16, 2019 at 08:35 PM

Dear T,
I understand why, but my heart still hurts. The way my life has been going, I should really have seen this coming.

zoiecat · Jul 16, 2019 at 09:21 PM

Why are you not going on vacation? I told you it is necessary for your self care. Please take a vacation soon. I really need a break.

Jul 17, 2019 at 01:15 AM

ExT something huge has happened and I need to talk to you because you know everybody involved and it would take a f ew sessions to explain to this new guy. Please can I just talk to you once more?

Spirit of Trees · Jul 17, 2019 at 02:05 AM

I've been feeling better lately but I wouldn't say I'm "cured".

zoiecat · Jul 17, 2019 at 04:55 AM

I can't believe I have to see to see you again tomorrow already. The days just fly by. I need the world to stop spinning for awhile so I can catch up. I also need you to go on vacation. You deserve it. Please?

Lemoncake · Jul 17, 2019 at 09:35 AM

I dreamt of you today.

Are you proud of me for not emailing? 8 days so far.

17 hours and 56 seconds to session.

and I've gone through 11/66 topics for radio.

Lrad123 · Jul 17, 2019 at 10:29 AM

I feel like you don’t care. So I don’t care.

Echos Myron redux · Jul 17, 2019 at 01:27 PM

I love you. I'm glad I told you that today. And I didnt need to tell you the hugeness of it for me. You knew and you said it to me.

SlumberKitty · Jul 17, 2019 at 02:00 PM

I miss you. I wish I didn't. But I do.

Omers · Jul 17, 2019 at 06:37 PM

T, everyone else said “It’s OK to be scared” you tell me you want me to be safe.
T, I think you really do care.
T, I have lots of questions for you Monday.

kaleidoscopeheart · Jul 17, 2019 at 06:58 PM

Dear T,
It's ok if you want to give up on me now because I am fairly confident I have given up on myself. Sorry I have wasted so much of your time.

LabRat27 · Jul 17, 2019 at 11:01 PM

T who isn't my T,
I was hoping you'd check in with me after the meeting, though I guess I didn't really give you the chance. I know it's not reasonable or realistic, but a small part of me still kind of wishes you'd send me an email tonight.
P.S. It's not rational and I really do understand the purpose and intention, but I still always resent the "blessings in disguise" exercise.

junkDNA · Jul 18, 2019 at 03:43 AM

I've suspected u of crying or tearing up in a session before but you definitely for sure were crying and choked up yesterday . I was telling you about how after 32 years I broke the cycle and said NO to someone abt doing something sexual. I said NO and I said it directly and more than once. And for the first time I said NO and didn't do something I didn't truly want to do. You said I've been trained to not say no. You wiped your eyes n your voice got choked up. You drank some water and leaned back. I didn't want to look at you. I didn't want u to feel embarrassed I guess?

At the end you said you're glad I'm still here, still trying, still fighting

It felt good to hear you say you are proud and to see that you are

But my mind plays tricks on me..."he only did that as a show. It was fake. He faked that"

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLI

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Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 14, 2019 at 10:03 PM #162 I sometimes would like to bring a bottle of wine to a session and share it with you.
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Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,695 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Jul 15, 2019 at 10:41 AM #164 You feel distant. Have you noticed there's been no emails for almost 7 days now? __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."
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Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,695 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Jul 16, 2019 at 09:58 AM #166 Today's been slow. Radiology exam = 20 days away. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."
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RosyC Member Member Since Jun 2019 Location: Space Posts: 73 4 11 hugs given	Jul 16, 2019 at 06:31 PM #167 I miss you. I do not want to talk to you at the moment because I do not think there is anything you can do to help me. I still miss you.
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kaleidoscopeheart Member Member Since Apr 2017 Location: Parts Unknown Posts: 333 7 77 hugs given	Jul 16, 2019 at 08:35 PM #168 Dear T, I understand why, but my heart still hurts. The way my life has been going, I should really have seen this coming.
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zoiecat Grand Member Member Since Apr 2017 Location: USA Posts: 916 7 409 hugs given	Jul 16, 2019 at 09:21 PM #169 Why are you not going on vacation? I told you it is necessary for your self care. Please take a vacation soon. I really need a break.
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Anonymous42961 Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 17, 2019 at 01:15 AM #170 ExT something huge has happened and I need to talk to you because you know everybody involved and it would take a f ew sessions to explain to this new guy. Please can I just talk to you once more?
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Spirit of Trees Member Member Since May 2019 Location: Earth Posts: 189 4 111 hugs given	Jul 17, 2019 at 02:05 AM #171 I've been feeling better lately but I wouldn't say I'm "cured".
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zoiecat Grand Member Member Since Apr 2017 Location: USA Posts: 916 7 409 hugs given	Jul 17, 2019 at 04:55 AM #172 I can't believe I have to see to see you again tomorrow already. The days just fly by. I need the world to stop spinning for awhile so I can catch up. I also need you to go on vacation. You deserve it. Please?
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Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,695 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Jul 17, 2019 at 09:35 AM #173 I dreamt of you today. Are you proud of me for not emailing? 8 days so far. 17 hours and 56 seconds to session. and I've gone through 11/66 topics for radio. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."
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Lrad123 Poohbah Member Since Nov 2017 Location: United States Posts: 1,332 6 372 hugs given	Jul 17, 2019 at 10:29 AM #174 I feel like you don’t care. So I don’t care.
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Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,160 6 1,833 hugs given	Jul 17, 2019 at 01:27 PM #175 I love you. I'm glad I told you that today. And I didnt need to tell you the hugeness of it for me. You knew and you said it to me.
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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Jul 17, 2019 at 02:00 PM #176 I miss you. I wish I didn't. But I do. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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Omers Grand Magnate Member Since Nov 2010 Location: Crimson cattery Posts: 3,512 13 3,133 hugs given	Jul 17, 2019 at 06:37 PM #177 T, everyone else said “It’s OK to be scared” you tell me you want me to be safe. T, I think you really do care. T, I have lots of questions for you Monday. __________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night
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kaleidoscopeheart Member Member Since Apr 2017 Location: Parts Unknown Posts: 333 7 77 hugs given	Jul 17, 2019 at 06:58 PM #178 Dear T, It's ok if you want to give up on me now because I am fairly confident I have given up on myself. Sorry I have wasted so much of your time.
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