New Therapist is Awful - Ugh

LadyShadow · Jul 06, 2019 at 03:00 AM

So my therapist of 12 years got sick suddenly and ended up going into retirement. I was assigned a new therapist, which I had only two sessions with, and she ended up leaving the place right after. Now, months later, they FINALLY assign me a new therapist and she is just AWFUL.

I don't know what it is, but it's like she wasn't understanding me or was just plain NOT listening to me AT ALL. I made it through the session, rolling my eyes on the inside at the amount of incompetence that was in front of me.

However, at the end of the session, she said something very important which turned out to be an epiphany for me. She said: "Get out of your mind - the mind likes to remember everything, good bad and ugly and most of the time it isn't good for you. Unless you are in a safe space or have a safety net to travel there, DON'T go there at all." I don't know why, but this really hit the nail on the head for me.

I don't know what to do, the whole session was awful, but she said one really good thing. Should I even continue with her?

Jul 06, 2019 at 04:13 AM

I think stick with it for a while just to see what is really useless and what is the mind belittling that which feels has taken away what was onelce good.

Irrational I know, but we know the mind works in mysterious ways...

weaverbeaver · Jul 06, 2019 at 05:31 AM

I would stick with her for a while and tell her about your ambiguity towards her. This could be some really good work if you could stay for a while.
Maybe after waiting months for a therapist you feel unheard- I am not saying she wasn’t listening just that here may be more to this than the obvious.

Rive. · Jul 06, 2019 at 06:24 AM

Might it not be some sort of miscommunication rather than this T's "incompetence"?

If this T is so incompetent, by all means move on. However, not understanding you does not mean she is incompetent. Add to that her comment which came as an "epiphany" for you, which does not reflect incompetence either.

Elio · Jul 06, 2019 at 11:40 AM

My instinct is if you have the resources to find someone else, then listen to yourself. I don't know what kind of choices you have over picking a therapist as it sounds like you didn't have much choice with her. Even if she's competent and you could workout whatever was the communication style differences, something right now says 'no' and it's ok to listen to that no, for whatever reasons. You might find later that the no was because of something inside you and nothing to do with her. You might move on and never look back.

Just remember that for many, no therapy is better than bad therapy. If this doesn't feel right, there's no reason to try to make it fit, unless you don't have a choice due to your healthcare system.

Taylor27 · Jul 06, 2019 at 12:12 PM

I would give her a few more sessions to see if it will workout. Im not sure if you have a choice in picking your therapist. If you feel the same way next time and it's not going to work out for you with her then yes do find someone else if you are allowed to. Hugs

Jul 06, 2019 at 12:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

So my therapist of 12 years got sick suddenly and ended up going into retirement. I was assigned a new therapist, which I had only two sessions with, and she ended up leaving the place right after. Now, months later, they FINALLY assign me a new therapist and she is just AWFUL.

I don't know what it is, but it's like she wasn't understanding me or was just plain NOT listening to me AT ALL. I made it through the session, rolling my eyes on the inside at the amount of incompetence that was in front of me.

However, at the end of the session, she said something very important which turned out to be an epiphany for me. She said: "Get out of your mind - the mind likes to remember everything, good bad and ugly and most of the time it isn't good for you. Unless you are in a safe space or have a safety net to travel there, DON'T go there at all." I don't know why, but this really hit the nail on the head for me.

I don't know what to do, the whole session was awful, but she said one really good thing. Should I even continue with her?

Maybe try another session with her. She may be going somewhere with that statement. I actually like what she said. I live in my mind to the point where I am almost not aware of my surroundings. See what else she has to say.

What was it about her that you didn't like? That might help us give you more feedback.

InnerPeace111 · Jul 07, 2019 at 07:40 AM

Now this makes me curious to hear what else she has to say! There are many fantastic ways to work with the human mind in order to promote peace and healing. I’m betting this therapist- based on her comment - knows a lot about this. My suggestion is to listen with an open heart, see where it takes you, and always know you can switch therapists down the road if needed.

Mopey · Jul 08, 2019 at 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

However, at the end of the session, she said something very important which turned out to be an epiphany for me. She said: "Get out of your mind - the mind likes to remember everything, good bad and ugly and most of the time it isn't good for you. Unless you are in a safe space or have a safety net to travel there, DON'T go there at all." I don't know why, but this really hit the nail on the head for me.

I don't know what to do, the whole session was awful, but she said one really good thing. Should I even continue with her?

LadyShadow I thought I should reply to this, because I've been working with just this idea for several months now, with some success. I first came across it on reading Eckhardt Tolle, the philosopher, who maintains that although your feelings can make you pretty uncomfortable, they aren't going to kill you, whereas your mind can kill you. And it can indeed get going and take you into some pretty unbearable places, whereas if you shut it off as much as you can and just go about your business, you may find considerable relief. And even peace.

I don't know that this therapist is right for you - it sounds as if probably not - but that the IDEA of staying out of your mind struck you so forcibly, that sounds worth paying attention to.

Good luck.

SlumberKitty · Jul 08, 2019 at 02:52 PM

I would try a few more sessions, especially as there was something of an epiphany in what the T said for you. If after a few more sessions if you're just not clicking, then maybe try and find a new T. Also try to be open and tell T I just don't feel like you're hearing me or whatever the case may be. T might change the way T relates to you or something and you may get a lot out of it. Hugs Kit

stopdog · Jul 08, 2019 at 05:47 PM

Do you have the ability to change therapists? If so, I would give another one a try. One useful thing in a whole series of unuseful would not be worth dealing with that one for me

LadyShadow · Jul 18, 2019 at 08:52 PM

Just want to give everyone an update:

First of all thank you so much for all your wonderful responses - so sorry I couldn't respond to each of you individually - I usually do that.

I realized I might have been hasty in changing that therapist - but she was so awful I had to.

Just met with a new therapist today and she is just absolutely wonderful, I am glad that I changed.

I just want to tell everyone, that if you feel uncomfortable in any way or you feel you don't "mesh" well with your therapist, PLEASE do yourself a favor and see if you can change them. There is no point in working with someone who just doesn't get you.

Thanks again for everyone who replied and offered hugs.

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Anonymous48807 Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 06, 2019 at 04:13 AM #2 I think stick with it for a while just to see what is really useless and what is the mind belittling that which feels has taken away what was onelce good. Irrational I know, but we know the mind works in mysterious ways...
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weaverbeaver Veteran Member Member Since May 2018 Location: Another planet Posts: 514 5 2 hugs given	Jul 06, 2019 at 05:31 AM #3 I would stick with her for a while and tell her about your ambiguity towards her. This could be some really good work if you could stay for a while. Maybe after waiting months for a therapist you feel unheard- I am not saying she wasn’t listening just that here may be more to this than the obvious.
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Rive. Magnate Member Since Sep 2013 Posts: 2,014 10	Jul 06, 2019 at 06:24 AM #4 Might it not be some sort of miscommunication rather than this T's "incompetence"? If this T is so incompetent, by all means move on. However, not understanding you does not mean she is incompetent. Add to that her comment which came as an "epiphany" for you, which does not reflect incompetence either.
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Taylor27 healing from trauma Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Alberta Posts: 30,425 (SuperPoster!) 6 24.3k hugs given	Jul 06, 2019 at 12:12 PM #6 I would give her a few more sessions to see if it will workout. Im not sure if you have a choice in picking your therapist. If you feel the same way next time and it's not going to work out for you with her then yes do find someone else if you are allowed to. Hugs
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