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Magnate
Member Since Aug 2014
Location: US
Posts: 2,202
9 121 hugs
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#401
A therapist I wrote to about EMDR just wrote back and told me he doesn't choose a modality until he has met the person and can decide what is right.
Patronising tw@t Newsflash for him, he doesn't "choose" a modality at all. Nor does he pick what is right for me. Ugh glad I swerved that one. |
atisketatasket, Omers
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CantExplain
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Guest
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#402
Quote:
Summer Storm Leaves and branches fly in dramatic show, opening space for rain to come through. And wind, as if never given the chance before moans in haunting refrains through my yard. Leaves and branches fly in dramatic show not sure which way they want to go, they mimic the thoughts that swirl like confused tornados inside my mind. Down and around and towards the ground, then up again and over cinder block walls - an outer display of the turmoil inside. Wishing I could close that inner window as easily as those against the relentless storm outside, I watch in silence as leaves and branches fly in dramatic show. |
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Anonymous42961, chihirochild, Lemoncake
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CantExplain, chihirochild, Lemoncake, NP_Complete, Omers, unaluna
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Guest
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#403
Just got home from seeing L. Hoo boy what a super emotional session THAT was! I was totally bawling, tears streaming down my face the whole 9 yards. I was a mess. She was drumming for me at the time and I just lost it. While she was drumming I heard this message come through clearly from deep inside me that said "Stop holding on so damn tight. Let go!! Just ****ing LET GO!!" and that terrified me because I don't want to be the destruction. I am afraid that if I just let go and be myself, I would be like a tornado, like a massive storm, and wreak havoc on my life as I know it now. If I just let go and be myself, I wouldn't worry about H, or what my Mother and the rest of my family thinks, I would end my marriage and I would BE the destruction that I so fear. I haven't cried that hard in a looooong time. I think I have earned a glass of wine....
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Anonymous42961, chihirochild, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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Guest
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#404
And she was speculating something about how that mucocele thing I had on my appendix might have happened because of all of this - because i stopped coming to therapy and was working 60 hours a week and not listening to my body and stuff. I don't really buy that. **** just happens sometimes. So the doctors don't know exactly why it happens yet - it's just one of those things that sometimes does - I take it with a whole handful of grains of salt as she ain't no MD.
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CantExplain, LonesomeTonight
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 34,726
(SuperPoster!)
12 1 hugs
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#405
Actually, for all of the woowoo stuff that I consider to be too woo, I do believe that one's body will tell one to stop and up the ante until the body does something extreme enough that causes one to listen
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 34,726
(SuperPoster!)
12 1 hugs
given |
#406
Quote:
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
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atisketatasket
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Guest
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#407
Quote:
Well mine sure made me listen alright! I just hate the thought that I brought all of that on myself and stuff. She also says in the same breath of course that it's not about blame. Which makes me want to say then why even bring it UP? |
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LonesomeTonight
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,841
(SuperPoster!)
12 66.3k hugs
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#408
Re your other point - what if all those people in your life werent there to stop you? That is, whats MY excuse now? You probably dont want to be HERE (in my shoes) in ten years. Or, where DO you want to be in ten years? Just throwin that stuff out there. Altho if you could answer the question about whats my excuse now, that would be cool!
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CantExplain
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Lemoncake
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Guest
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#409
Quote:
If the other people in my life weren't, I don't know. That's too hard to answer. If I removed even one person from my past I might never have gone back to therapy and if I hadn't gone back to therapy would I have ever started working on myself and uncovering all this stuff that I'd buried so deeply away? I might still be living completely and totally in denial about my sexuality and other stuff. Who knows? Where do I want to be in 10 years? I can't see that far... |
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LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, unaluna
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Child of a lesser god
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: Tartarus
Posts: 19,146
(SuperPoster!)
8 12.4k hugs
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#410
Quote:
Blame is a dead end street. People don’t want to be blamed so they avoid taking responsibility. Or they just sit around and blame themselves and then learn nothing, just beat up on themselves. 2ex had me going there for a while with the idea of blame and fault. It’s a way to keep others or yourself down. It’s a child’s way of viewing the world. Screw that. |
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Lemoncake, WarmFuzzySocks
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feralkittymom, LonesomeTonight, stopdog, WarmFuzzySocks
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Guest
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#411
Quote:
She also said today when I told her it pissed me off that it took us this long to get here, that maybe, that's because it's not something that is broken that can be fixed but that it's something I just had to be in, or whatever, until I got to the point of saying "I'm sick of this ****!" and finally do something about it. I don't know. But I am tired of it. |
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LonesomeTonight
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Child of a lesser god
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: Tartarus
Posts: 19,146
(SuperPoster!)
8 12.4k hugs
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#412
Remember the tortoise and the hare.
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LonesomeTonight
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#413
Possible trigger:
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LonesomeTonight, Omers
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#414
she tried to get me to stand up and just let go and stomp around the room or dance or do something and i said no this room isn't big enough to contain what is inside me. she wasn't sure what to say about that.
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Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, Omers, unaluna
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#415
I am a ****ing volcano I think.
Good night my fair couchies. |
LonesomeTonight, Omers
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2013
Location: CO
Posts: 2,305
10 871 hugs
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#416
I technically have the money now to fly out to see my grandmother, but it feels wrong and weird. I haven't seen her since I was 14. And flights to the other side of the country last minute aren't cheap. Especially if I went with H. Flight+hotel+Uber/Lyft or renting a car. I hate spending money. But would I regret not going if she dies soon? She's supposedly doing better...a few more days in ICU and then going to a rehab place. I wish i had a way to get discounted flights and hotels...how the heck do people manage that?
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LonesomeTonight, skeksi
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2017
Location: the upside down
Posts: 3,807
7 6,349 hugs
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#417
Artie, I'm drinking so take this with a grain of salt. Just from what I see here, you love your husband and he loves you. It's not perfect, but is anything? You have a son that you love so much. He's becoming an adult and you're a proud Mom. You have love in your life. You don't have to change anything or you can change everything. Whatever you do, you have love. If you feel like you need to leave your marriage and go explore what your sexuality means to you, that's okay. You can leave your husband and still love him. The two aren't mutually exclusive. You have a child together and a history together. That doesn't vanish if you leave. If you stay, that's okay too. You can take as long as you need to decide what's best for you.
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feralkittymom, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel, WarmFuzzySocks
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,787
5 7 hugs
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#418
Quote:
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LonesomeTonight, MobiusPsyche
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2012
Location: yada
Posts: 4,415
11 1,974 hugs
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#419
I've known more than a few women who waited until their husbands died (for various reasons, economic, kids, etc) and then found themselves in relationships with women. I have a friend who thinks it's sort of the natural evolutionary progression as men tend to die younger than women, and the culture makes it rather difficult for older women to sustain relationships with younger men.
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LonesomeTonight
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Luna's offical mini me.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Cafe Nervosa.
Posts: 9,692
(SuperPoster!)
6 10.2k hugs
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#420
__________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." |
LonesomeTonight
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Closed Thread |
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