I feel like I’m stuck in a toxic relationship

I feel like I live in a protective bubble and so distant from the world. But I’ve always craved a male presence and I’m a single child to a single mother - I’m nearing 30 and I’ve done ok.

But I have this yearning for a male presence abd it’s so obvious why. And I feel like people fall in my lap, I choose to see a pychologist that my friend referred me to. His youngish or youngish enough that the age gap might not be enough. As I’ve said before I’ve gone through the stages of being attached an infatuated to accepting his help and validation. He’s been the enemy and been the help I. Needed. He’s opened up a curiosity to study psychology which I have started.

I have a history of sexual abuse as a kid - abuse from my mother - I throw up my food - I obsess over everything - I’m so insecure about my appearance that I feel second rate

I feel as though I should not see a male psychologist to be honest. I feel like I have this distraction where I put all of my energy into so I can ensure none of it comes out but when all these powerful feelings do come out it’s a really big and shameful things that I can’t fix and I’m really at a loss. I’ve stopped seeing him for months at a time and this is partly the reason like I can’t let go but I can’t fix it.

I feel like it’s a toxic relationship- professional as it is

Hi. Not sure what exactly you're looking for.
You will get some posters that will echo your toxic theory. Some posters who don't.
I understand the too big shameful feelings.
But I also know now from experience that these sort of issues take yrs to unravel.
Of course a skilled T is the answer.
But all I can say to you is, you're not alone. Many have been where you are.

Some have gotten good therapy. Some have been harmed.

Me? I just kept going through all the bad until I got the T I've had these past years.

It's been a journey. But worth it.

Hi there
I’m not really sure what I’m looking for but it felt great to say it

Thanks for your reply though

Agreed that you will get a mixed bag of answers.

I struggled with this problem with my therapist for years without resolution. It caused me a lot of pain and psychic energy that I could have redirected towards something positive, and I look back at the wasted time with much regret.

I think there’s an underlying expectation perpetuated by both therapists and clients that if we just keep pushing through tough feelings and keep working hard in therapy, we’ll ultimately get the results we are hoping for. That is NOT the case for everyone and there are no guarantees.

I’m terms of advice - I would honestly ask yourself if therapy is helping you. It’s not an easy question nor answer. If it’s not, or making your life worse, I would try to assess what efforts it would take on your end for a therapy course correction (or if there’s anything you can be doing in therapy to help yourself more -perhaps more communication about it with your therapist?). If you can’t see a solution, I’d consult with a different therapist (female?) and consider making a change.

Vague “It’ll work itself out of you keep talking about it” or “Give therapy more time, keep working” or a bunch of other directionless therory-based guidance will more than likely keep you stuck.

One of my therapy relationships became toxic - I ended it because I saw no point in prolonging such an experience, what for? The other one was a good relationship, no negative elements at all, it was just not very useful for me.

I believe you should trust your gut. IF this male T is doing more harm than good, by all means opt for a female T.

It helps to interview several and see how you feel with each. It can truly be hit and miss..

If you're going to see a male therapist, it might be better to see one who has more experience. Seeing a female would be fine, too.