Maybe therapy is just not right for me?

I need someone else’s perspective. I thought things were going great with new T. I’m in therapy for the first time since 10 years ago. Some things have happened over the last 2 sessions that have really pissed me off. I’m in tx to work on my ability to have/maintain relationships. I run away the moment any tension or conflict arises in any relationship, and over the last 2 sessions that’s what I have had the urge to do with tx.

These are the things that happened that threw me off track:
-T has had his computer and phone open and he will start clicking and swiping around while I talk. He’s not taking notes or recording - he seems to be doing other hospital stuff or communicating with his peers (this is a resident clinic and they seem to all be there together on this day). I haven’t directly addressed this because it is so flabbergasting. I just stop talking and wait till he is done typing or clicking. He eventually looks up sheepishly and stops for a bit.

-He has given me no help when I get stuck. He lets me sit there squirming uncomfortably for 5-10 minutes and won’t help. It seems like he just expects me to know where to go, what to talk about, and like I am there to talk myself to the right answer. If I had the capacity to do that, I probably wouldn’t be there. I have asked him to give me a prompt or topic or a jumping off place, but he just says “what would you do if your students didn’t have anything to say.” WTF?? I’d help them figure it out. I told him that. Still didn’t help.

-I was talking about something that happened to me and I was excited about an insight I had. Apparently he had some personal experience in this area, and he gave his perspective, which was totally different from mine, and then it was just like.......done. He just disregarded my whole experience because his experience seemed to trump my interpretation. I didn’t say anything bc I didn’t know why I was upset at the time.

-We are supposed to meet at the same time each week, but his program has events often, so he usually cancels once every other week. This week he said he didn’t know yet if we will meet next week bc he wasn’t sure if he wanted to go to his school event. So he made the appointment but said he’d probably call me to cancel. On one hand, I get it, he has other commitments and interests. But on the other hand, it’s so rude to tell me that. This is real and important for me, and he is so flippant about it all right to my face. It feels like he’s saying, “I’ll see you if nothing better comes up.”

I realize these are small things. And that they should probably be addressed within tx. But my inability to address things of this nature is the whole reason I am in tx. I actually asked him last time if he was setting up situations to make me uncomfortable on purpose. He seemed baffled. I don’t think he has any idea how I perceive his behavior, and I feel powerless to express my feelings. :I feel stuck and angry and I want to set it up in flames and run. But it wasn’t like this initially. Initially it was great. These things happened over the last 2 sessions. But we have also only been working together for about 2 months. It just..........it just reinforces this feeling in me that I am worthless, and I react strongly to that feeling. Is this one of those “If you ask God for courage, he doesn’t give you courage, but rather gives you situations where you can be brave” things?

I don't think these are small things at all!
I think it's completely unprofessional, unacceptable, and rude, that he clicks and swipes during YOUR session. The fact that he looks up sheepishly says (to me) that he knows he's wrong. Yet, he doesn't apologize and stop? Unreal.
Is he a new T, I mean, is he new to this line of work? Maybe he doesn't help you because he doesn't know how. But, even after you told him how you'd help your students, he still doesn't get it, nor does he seem to care.
Trumping your experience with his sounds like a rookie mistake. But, it is also unprofessional and non-therapeutic. It's no wonder you were/are upset.
His cancelling your session so often says that you are not a priority for him. I don't know if it will help you or change things, but if this were me, I would say this exact thing to him, really stress how his lack of care/concern about you affects you. You could print out what you've written here, and read it to him. As you do this more often, it may get easier for you to address him without a "script."
You are NOT worthless. You ARE worth having a better T. Is that an option for you?

For me, some of the issues might be worth trying to resolve, EXCEPT for the messing about on his computer and phone during your session. I would find that to be an unacceptable distraction.

My T had a smart watch that got message alerts and I had to comment on how distracting it was. When he glanced at it I felt awful—unimportant for a split second.

So you’re not being unreasonable to me.

I don't think it's therapy that isn't for you--it's this therapist in particular. It seems like he has too much going on to focus on you (or probably any of his clients). Is a different T an option?

I agree. It's the therapist, not you!

I was in therapy off and on for more than 50 years and it did NOT help me to have and maintain relationships.

Perhaps you might have better luck but I agree with coolibrarian and others that it doesn't sound like this T is right for you.

Is there anything else that you could try? Support groups helped me, and I met some folks on meetup.com who I had some things in common with.

I don't think therapy is for everyone. I never figured out what was supposed to be happening and what did happen was decidedly unuseful for me.
But it also sounds to me like this particular therapist is just dead flat terrible

I would be contacting their supervisor. That is totally unprofessional and inappropriate.

Sounds like he's just phoning it in. Find a different therapist. It's not you.

He sounds awful. It’s not that therapy isn’t for you, you just met really terrible therapist. It’s like if you take a class and have a bad teacher, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have no use for education. It’s more like you just have no use for that particular teacher

Yes, maybe therapy is not right for you. However, from what you write here, maybe this particular therapist is not good for you.

He doesn't seem to have made any commitment to you, his client. He is disrespectful and seemingly not very aware of his actions, or the impact of his actions on his clients.

If I were you, I'd definitely find another therapist! Very unprofessional and I wouldn't tolerate such behavior.

Hi, RememberMyFirstBe.

To me you sound like a perfectly good candidate for therapy, provided the therapy is good. Seems to me you did pretty much everything right, whereas this "therapist" totally abdicated his part. In your place I would get rid of him, like, yesterday.

Speaking for myself, I've learned a lot about succeeding in relationships both from 2 private therapists, who were good, and from groups which will give you feedback. I think both self-knowledge and knowledge of social customs can help you negotiate those troublesome things.

All the best!