Possible to dislike new therapist already when talking on the phone

I talked to my new therapist today, she called me to schedule our first sesssion a couple of months from now. I also saw her very briefly for like two or three minutes this spring as a kind of introduction just to meet her.

My first reaction to her was that I don´t like her. When she called today I heard from her accent she´s from middle/upper class and I think that added to my dislike. I usually try to sound grateful and interested when someone like a new counsellor or a doctor calls but with this new T I just responded shortly.

Perhaps this happened because of all my negative experiences with therapists. It felt she tried to say something nice without meaning it. I started to cry afterwards and now I don´t feel like doing anything for the rest of the day.

I will never again greet or talk to a therapist in a kind or interested way to try to make them show me they care. I´ll act as distant and non-bothered as they do.

I really did not like my current T on the first phone call. It sounded like he was distracted and could care less. I would expect a receptionist to be more warm and sensitive than he was on the phone. I told him in the initial contact (an email) that I was very scared and had a lot of bad therapy experiences. He did nothing to assess my comfort, address my fears or see where I was at with coming back to therapy.
He was totally different the first session. Warm, sensitive, welcoming, and so very attuned to my concerns. He has continued to be awesome with me. I think there where a couple things going on with those first two contacts. From my first email he knew I was very scared and he honestly thought I was going to no show or run from therapy. We were three sessions in before he felt comfortable knowing that despite my fear I was committed to giving it a try again. The second is that he gets very emotionally connected to his clients. Until he knows they are going to commit to the process I think he needs to emotionally protect himself too.
My T is also upper middle class to upper class and wors with mostly upper class which has created a few weird moments. My teeth are very bad and from that he assumed I lived in poverty, ate poorly and wondered if I could afford him. He has made other assumptions as well. He is willing to be humble about his ignorance, ask polite questions to fix false assumptions and has really had to take a look at himself because of it.
All in all though he is wonderful with me and I wouldn’t trade him for the world. So I would say to try to give this new T at least the first session. If you are still felling poorly about the connection though I wouldn’t waste you resources sticking around with her.

I admire and respect that you keep on trying. Hope this idea, and this therapist even, work out better for you. Maybe they don't have to care about you in order for therapy to help in some way?

For me, I definitely do feel I need some people, somewhere, to care about me, though. I feel it somewhat more now that I lucked into a support group about 5 years ago. It's a lot more genuine than any of the fake superficial "caring" that I got in therapy. But that's just my experience.

I think you said a while back that you felt your first therapist cared about you? But then, she couldn't continue the therapy for some reason? Maybe she was a special person and that was a special relationship that cannot be repeated very well? Or, may be, in time with this therapist, some warmth will come when you're least expecting it? So, yes, not expecting it, just to be disappointed when it isn't there, seems like maybe a good idea.

Most therapists come from middle/ upper class backgrounds considering the education qualifications the field of psychology requires.

What type of therapist are you seeking?

Certainly. I bypassed several along the way that I just didn't get a good vibe from via first contact.

I don't think you are going to get around the social class disparity from your descriptions of how the educational requirements, etc. work in your country. I know that's an issue for you, but how are you going to work past that? Maybe a break from the whole therapy/therapist thing for a while is in order? Sometimes a bit of distance and time allows us to regroup mentally about something that is hanging us up.

Thanks. I hope something similar will happen with my new T as you describe in your post. That I´ll find her more warm when meeting with her. I`ll give this new T some sessions as there is no other T and perhaps I´ll feel different about her when meeting with her a few times.

Thanks. Yes, I hope this T will be a better match than the former even if I didn´t feel any connection when talking to her on the phone. I think the caring bit is both a subjective feeling the client has and that some T:s are better than others in showing they care.

Good you´ve found a support group, I know you´ve also struggled a lot with finding help and therapists you can work with.

Yes, I felt my very first T cared about me but I couldn´t keep seeing her as my insurance company didn´t pay for more than 12 sessions. In Sweden we get that kind of "once in a lifetime offer" from the insurance companies so it´s not possible to go back for more sessions. Also, even if I did feel this first T cared for me she also hurt me badly and let me down when I complained about a couple of things she did. But I grieved that relationship for three years as I missed her even if she kind of abandoned me.

I think I now compare my latest therapist, the one I saw within church, with this new T. With the T in church I almost immediately felt a connection and that she cared in a genuine way. I still grieve that relationship very much and I think about the church T every day and still cry about missing her.

I know this new T should have a more relational approach as I was referred to her from the T I just saw for evaluation sessions this spring because I felt that T was way too strict and too much of a blank slate. (The T and the kleenex issue I wrote about her at PC). So I can just hope our contact will be fruitful.

Thanks. I agree the socioeconomic difference will always be there as a T can´t live as I do, on welfare and being unemployed as he/she then wouldn´t be a T. Most T:s haven´t had the struggles as their clients have when it comes to money and work issues as, at least here in Sweden, most T:s choose their career when young and now, as most of our T:s are older, they have a very established life.

As I´ve waited for several years to get access to therapy within public health I want to start therapy again as I have a lot to process. But if I choose to start a therapy with this T I will mention the class difference to her and how I feel about it.