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MoxieDoxie
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MoxieDoxie trust is a myth and caring is a painful lie
 
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Default Jul 23, 2019 at 06:37 AM
  #41
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Originally Posted by Amyjay View Post
The parts are just normal parts of a human being that have perfectly normal needs and wants. The drive to get those needs met is strong... for a child its very survival hinges on it. So those child parts are driven by a need that feels as desperate and intense as survival itself.
Because they can't see that the compassionate part of you can help them (because the compassionate part of you has never been able to before because you didn't even know how) they probably believe that if T can't be that parent for them then no-one can. And because the inner drive to fulfil those needs feels like a matter of life and death, it is only natural they would want to fulfil them in whatever capacity they have been able to meet any of them in past, even if those ways might be destructive.
This is where the compassionate adult self can help, once you have learned how. And your T knows how to help you do that.
All is not lost. It is the very opposite, in fact. Your T knows how to help you find your way out of this.
Of course it feels impossible to help those younger parts yourself at the moment. You haven't learned how to do it. Yet.
How is T know how to help me with this especially since he does not even know all the ways I feel about him. It is way to shamming and embarrassing to have this conversation with him.

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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Default Jul 23, 2019 at 10:59 AM
  #42
Yesterday T and I were working on severely neglected infant me. I had told T that my protective parts did not feel it was safe yet to allow T to be with infant me. T held my hand to try and help keep me grounded. T told me what he would have said to “that little baby” had he been there. He uses that language because of my protective parts not wanting him near my young parts. He told me that even though she was inconsolable if he had been a nurse where I was born he would have held me. He would have told me he was sorry I was born into this difficult life. He said he would have told that baby he hoped that she would find loving, compassionate people in her life that could show her something better. At the end of session we always hug. At the end of session it was a really long hug and he repeated all those things to infant me while he was holding me in that hug. Personally, with my attachment issues I find this far more healing and helpful than the T who identified some of the unmet child needs and then dumped those needs on adult me as if I had somehow miraculously discovered how to meet needs I didn’t understand on whichever birthday it was when I magically became an “adult”.
Moxi, I wish I could loan you my T or at least one of his really great hugs if you wanted it.

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There’s been many a crooked path
that has landed me here
Tired, broken and wearing rags
Wild eyed with fear
-Blackmoores Night
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Default Aug 12, 2019 at 05:47 PM
  #43
Never tell your therapist you are attached to them.

Never tell your therapist you depend on them.

Never write them an email that might piss them off even the slightest.

You get punished for showing any improvement.

He started his session off with "We need to discuss cutting sessions down."

I saw the change in the way he dealt with me. He did a complete 360 after an email I sent him 3 weeks ago and saw the slow change after I tried to talk to him about my transference.

I feel sick.

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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Default Aug 13, 2019 at 01:02 AM
  #44
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie View Post
Never tell your therapist you are attached to them.

Never tell your therapist you depend on them.

Never write them an email that might piss them off even the slightest.

You get punished for showing any improvement.

He started his session off with "We need to discuss cutting sessions down."

I saw the change in the way he dealt with me. He did a complete 360 after an email I sent him 3 weeks ago and saw the slow change after I tried to talk to him about my transference.

I feel sick.


my ex-T didn't do a very fantastic job either of handling my transference or his own counter transference for that matter

it's not an easy predicament to be stuck in, especially when there is such overwhelming pain involved. just know that you are not alone as you work through this
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