The Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy:

Establish a Special Safe Place
After your Resource Team is mobilized, it’s time to establish your Special Safe Place. This is probably different from a safe place
or happy place you may be familiar with. This safe place is truly special. Read on to find out why.

What is it?
A Special Safe Place is an imagined home base where wounded child parts can hang out and have fun. It’s a positive,
nurturing place, populated with Resources. It’s loving containment. It’s a fun place with lots of interesting things to do, like
a scout camp, a tropical island, a mountain resort, or an amusement park. For example, if it’s a beach resort, it would have a
beach, but it could also have a swimming pool, horseback riding, a tennis court, a volleyball court, a petting zoo, bike trails,
a bowling alley, a movie theater, an art room, a reading room, a lodge with sleeping rooms, and a kitchen with lots of great
food. It should be a good place for rest, play, and exploration, that’s age-appropriate for your wounded parts.
It’s a place is for your wounded parts only. Clones of the Resources will be present wherever child parts might want to hang
out to provide any comfort, protection, or supervision that’s needed. This is technically an imaginary safe place, but the
connection wounded parts will make with the Resources is real, and the feelings of comfort and safety are real.

Step 1 – Envision a Special Safe Place
Start thinking about the perfect place for your wounded parts to hang out to rest and play. It could be a completely imaginary
place, or a place you’ve enjoyed visiting in the past (if it’s completely free of bad memories). The idea of it should feel safe,
restful, and fun. Picture all the activity centers your child parts will want – playground, a swimming pool, a hike and bike trail,
kayaking, horseback riding, bowling alley, etc. Tailor it to the ages of your wounded parts. For now, picture the place with
no Resources or wounded parts present.

Step 2 – Bring in the Resources
Next bring in just the Resources. Then make clones of them. Put one Resource Team on the playground, another by the
swimming pool, another on the hike/bike trail, another with the kayaks, another with the horses, another in the bowling
alley, and so on. Notice how it feels in the body. It should feel good.
If it doesn’t feel good, try modifying the place until it does. For example, some parts might worry it’s not safe enough. If
necessary, install reassuring “safety” measures, like guard dogs, razor wire, or a castle wall. Whatever it takes to help all parts
feel safe enough to play here.

Step 3 – Bring in all your wounded parts
When it feels good, invite all your wounded parts to come hang out in the Special Safe Place. No need to count them or
name them. When the wounded parts have settled in, notice whether they like it – whether it feels comfortable and safe. It
will probably feel good.
If it doesn’t feel good, wounded parts might be reluctant to trust the Resources, or be cared for by the Resources. Tell them
they’re welcome here no matter what concerns they have. The Resources will love and accept them exactly as they are right
now – unconditionally. The Resources will work to earn their trust, over time. If this does not calm their fears enough, go to
Complications with a Single Mobilized Resource, page 6.

Now What?
This Special Safe Place is a home base for your wounded parts. In the future, Resources will calm down triggered parts by
meeting their emotional needs. Then you’ll invite the calmed parts to settle in to this place to rest and play.
If you know of something stressful coming up, that might trigger wounded parts – in advance, you can explain to the parts
what’s going to happen. Tell them when it will be over. Then invite them to hang out here with Resources. That way your
most adult self can handle the stress, while wounded parts play.
Warning!!!
Wounded parts will usually be happy to rest and play in their Special Safe Place as long as you listen to them, understand
their concerns, and take their emotional needs seriously. But if they feel ignored, abandoned, and dumped here, they’ll push
back. So make meeting their needs a high priority and they’ll be happy to hang out here while you do adult stuff, knowing
you’ll be there when they need you

Calming Your Triggered Parts

The following Steps should help you calm your triggered parts, with the help of your Resource Team. The wording in this script
is for calming a single part. Modify the wording, as needed, if calming several triggered parts at once.
Verify You’ve Been Triggered
Getting triggered means one or more wounded parts of self have become activated and upset. You’re probably triggered,
if you
(1) have a sudden emotional overreaction,
(2) feel childlike and powerless,
(3) notice a negative belief about yourself
or the world, and/or
(4) feel like you’re reliving an old wounding experience. If a wounded part has been triggered, go to

Step 1 – Connect with your Resource Team
Try to connect to your Resource Team. Can you bring them forward?
- If YES, go to Step 2 below.
- If NO, earlier, did you pair the Resources with an anchor, like a scent, music, jewelry, etc?
- If NO, go to Change Your State of Mind Enough to Connect to The Resources list below.
- If YES, use that anchor now, to get quick access to the Resources.
- If that works, go to Step 2 below.
- If that doesn’t work, go to Change Your State of Mind Enough to Connect to The Resources list below.

Change Your State of Mind Enough to Connect to The Resources
Use as many of these as necessary to move into a less triggered state of mind, so you can connect to
your Resource team.
- Think about a recent success at school or work.
- Distract yourself with an activity, game, or puzzle.
- Ask yourself questions (from a list prepared in advance) only your adult self can answer, like…
What’s Twitter? What’s a GPS device? What’s a thumb drive?
- Look around the room – notice where you are.
- Look in a mirror to see an adult face and body.
- Look at a current calendar.
- Look at your driver’s license.
- Guess how much objects in the room cost.
- Notice temperature, lights, sounds, colors, etc.
- Notice your body standing, sitting, or walking.
- Take 10 slow, deep breaths.
- Do something physical – like jog in place while you notice where you are.
- Do the Cross Crawl (from Brain Gym): Touch right elbow to left knee. Touch left elbow to right
knee. Keep doing this until you feel more grounded - if possible, in front of a full-length mirror.
When you’re feeling more present and grounded try again to connect to your Resources. If you cannot
connect to the whole team at the very least, connect to one.

Step 2 – Contact the Triggered Part
Notice how old you feel, what year it feels like, or if it feels like you’re reliving a specific upsetting event. The age you feel is
likely the triggered part’s age. Looking inward, try to make direct contact with the part. The part is there, whether or not you
find it right away. Whether or not you make direct contact, say to the part…
Welcome! I’m really glad you’re here! I know you’ve been hurting a long time.
Convey a sense of compassion and empathy when addressing a part. It may help to use a term of endearment, like honey,
precious, little one, or sweetheart. But use your discretion - some parts might not like it.

Step 3 – Attune, Validate, and Empathize
Validate the part with something like…
(So honey) it makes perfect sense that you’d be very upset now, considering SIMILAR UPSETS FROM THE PAST .
Then… Do you see (or sense) the Resources?
When YES, ask… Do they look/seem good to you? Do they seem safe and comfortable?
When YES, ask… Do the Resources understand why you’re upset?
When YES, ask… What’s it like to notice that?
It will probably feel really good! (If that doesn’t, go to Complications with Resources Interacting with Wounded Parts,
page 6. When concern is cleared, come back here.)
Add… (So honey) what you went through back then was very painful. It was not right. Children should not have to
go through that. You deserved THE OPPOSITE OF THE WOUNDING .
Add… Do the Resources agree?
When YES, ask… What’s it like to notice that?
It will probably feel really good!
Add… (So precious) notice the Resources are here to love and support you. They don’t need you to feel any
differently than you do right now. Feel free to stay SAD / ANGRY / FEARFUL / MISTRUSTING as long as you need to.
They’re not here to talk you out of feeling that way. They’re just here to support you while you feel whatever you
need to feel. You’re wonderful and precious, deserving of tender, loving care. They want to take care of you, meet
your needs, and help you feel safe and loved. What’s it like to notice that?
It will probably feel really good! Take a long as you need to help the wounded part experience the Resources as active
caregivers. Customize these scripts, as necessary, to achieve this goal. If there are any complications, go to Complications
with Resources Interacting with Wounded Parts, page 6. Once cleared, come back here.

Step 4 – Orient to Present Time

Triggered parts feel stuck in the past – stuck in a time when they were relatively small, needy, powerless, and dependent on
grown-ups for survival. Perhaps you’re an adult now – with the power that adulthood brings. Like the power to earn money,
pay for food, clothes, and a place to live, and choose who you live with. But triggered parts are either unaware, or barely
aware, of that power. They need to understand life is different now. To bring a triggered part into the present, invite him/her
to answer one or more the following questions…
- (So little one) that painful childhood experience had a beginning, a middle, and an end. How many years has
it been since it ended? When is it going to happen again?
- If that frightening childhood experience happened now, what could you do to protect yourself now, that
you couldn’t do back then?
- How long has it been since you lived with WOUNDING PERSON(S) ? If WOUNDING PERSON(S) wanted to move
in with you now, and do those wounding things again, would you have to let them?
- Look around the room. Is this the room/home where all that bad stuff happened?
- Get out your driver’s license, and say… Look, you have a driver’s license now. Did you have one back then?
- (So sweetheart) look at your hands and wiggle your fingers? Do you see those are your adult fingers that
you can wiggle? Is this what you expected to see?
- If you’re wearing a wedding ring, ask… Do you see that wedding ring? What does that mean? Were you married
back then, when all that bad stuff happened?
- Get in front of a mirror. (So precious) touch your face. Do you see that’s your adult hand or your adult face? Is
this what you expected to see?
- (So honey) do you see you have power now that you didn’t have back then? What’s it like to notice that?

Step 5 – Explain About the Recording
(So sweetheart) growing up, you had that very wounding experience with WOUNDING PERSON(S) . While that
was happening, your brain was making a recording of it – like filming a home movie. And that recording has been
inside ever since. Something just pressed “PLAY” on that recording. And that’s why you’re so upset. When this
recording plays back, it FEELS like THE WOUNDING EXPEREINCE is happening again – right now! But it’s not. You’re
not reliving the bad experience, you’re just reliving your reaction to it.
Ask the Resources if they believe the old recording can hurt you now, like WOUNDING PERSON(S) hurt you back
then. What do they say?
When Resources say the recording is harmless, ask… What’s it like to hear that?
If the part is still not sure about that, say… If you were to watch a scary movie, you’d feel fear, right? But you wouldn’t
be in danger, because a movie isn’t real life. And this old recording of WOUNDING PERSON(S) is not real life either.
Discuss this until the triggered part understands.

Step 6 – Assess Your Progress
(So honey) are you still very upset about THE TRIGGERING EVENT ?
- If YES, ask the part… What else do you need now? Then return to Steps 3-5 above.
- If NO or MUCH LESS UPSET, go to Step 7 below.

Step 7 – Invite the Part to Settle In

When there’s nothing else to talk about you’ll invite the part to settle in to the Special Safe Place, so your adult self can be
fully front and center again. Your invitation will depend on whether or not you have a therapist who can follow up with this
wounded part.
If you have a therapist, say…
(So honey) I’d like to see you get unstuck and heal at
the perfect time. I’m not sure when that’s going to be,
hopefully soon. Our therapist can help us work on that.
Now find a nice, cozy, safe place to settle in to your
Special Safe Place. Settle in with the Resources. Find a
good place to rest and play, until the next time you’re
needed.
If you DON’T have a therapist, say…
(So honey) your future well-being is very important
to me. Please know that I’m here for you, and the
Resources are here for you – whenever you need us.
Now find a nice, cozy, safe place to settle in to your
Special Safe Place. Settle in with the Resources. Find
a good place to rest and play, until the next time
you’re needed.

I paid for that from the website as my T said it would be most beneficial. So no you all have it.

Just do that and you will all be cured.

You are welcomed.

That is all very similar (not exactly, but similar enough that I can recognize the parallels) to what my T and I do (part of what we do) and it can actually make a huge difference. The hurt parts of our selves are stuck in the past. They respond to triggers as if the traumas are happening right here and right now. Their whole physiological being responds as though the trauma is occurring in the present. All of these steps outlined above are to try to get the parts of the brain that respond to current day triggers as present day threats to calm (calming the nervous system response) and to allow the frontal cortex ('adult mind'/compassionate self) to come back online.
It reads like make-believe, but its actually based on neuroscience. Its all about retraining the brain.

Do you have attachment issues? Are you so attached to your therapist you see him/her as the caring parent even if they are not trying to play that role?

When I try to visualize all my resources the child part and teenage parts throws a tantrum because she does not want them she wants a real person.

Thank you for sharing this.

Yeah, to me this scripted scenario sounds very fake as well. If my T would ever try to anything like this I would most likely feel that he tries to drop me off of himself. I need a real human with me and not an imaginary crowd.

I know I am going against the crowd here but I don't the Moxie's is dumping this on her and then deserting her. I think he suggested her readng the information so that she has an understanding of the modality "he" is trying to use to help her.

This is a very common method used to treat DID and others with young parts needing reassurance. While your T can validate you and your parts, he cannot be a parent. As uncomfortable and silly as it seems now, your parts are within you. You are with them 24/7. You are the only one that can understand their needs and feelings. As with any T whether for multiples or singletons, it is your Ts job to teach you the skills to improve your wellbeing.

I say this from a place of compassion and understanding. My T reminds me to do this kind of thing all the time. At first I thought he was totally crazy but he kept reminding me and I finally decided to really give it a try. It doesn't work if you are not sincere. I started with just making an effort to talk to my parts each day. I would focus on different ones until I really got an understanding of their fears and needs. Then I started to really try to connect with them trying to speak from the position of a parent or big sister. I let them know I understand how they feel and that I was there to help them. I let them know I loved them and it is ok to feel what they feel. Eventually they started to trust me and find some happiness. It is a long, hard process and very time consuming but as my T says...I didn't get this way overnight and there is no magic wand to make it all better overnight.

Your road to recovery is your own and only you can make the hard choices. I know it is not easy. I have learned however that I can't say something doesn't work if I don't give it my best shot and sometimes it takes a few tries. Just like trying to get kids to tolerate or like a new food. Anyway...good luck to you. I wish you the best.

I think this method can be great for people who are receptive to it and who find it suitable. I don’t think it would be useful to force it on people who do not feel this approach is suitable for them. Forcing an unsuitable method does not help the therapeutic alliance and without it there’s no hope for any method to work.

I do not know what is suitable for me. It feel so hokey. All of it. Session was labored today. Visualizing this fake group of saviors sitting with me in an imaginary place that he made think my younger part would want to be. I chose an enchanted forest sitting on the rocks by a babbling brook. Now this is where the younger part stays while my adult self does adult things that children have no place being part of. Ugh

I actually Drew an entire playroom for my little parts each one has like a segmented room that just has things that they like in it that they can go for privacy then there's group rooms with TV and books and outside they can play bikes or ride bikes and play basketball and play in the sandbox there's a fish tank there's a kitchen where they can eat whatever they want there's a music room computers games all kinds of stuff it is a place I would have loved to go to as a kid have you been has a little River Island with a hammock and flowers trees I tried to put stuff in it that appeals to each one the first I had to spend a long time getting to know them to know what they like what would make them happy I have the picture up on the refrigerator so that we're reminded everyday it's a place of safety and fun or they can hang out together are they can go into their own private little area they like spending time there

Yes, I absolutely have attachment issues. My pattern of attachment to other human beings is very screwed up.

I understand the younger parts want a real life person to play that role, and want the T to be the one to play it. Some of our youngers are the same.
The fact remains that T is not the person to fill that role. The role of a T is limited to a set number of hours each week (most often just one!) and contact outside of that hour is limited at best. Unlike a good-enough parent during the developmental years who can "be there" for the child when needed the T is most likely NOT going to be available when those younger parts are activated and needing a responsible older other to calm them. This leads to massive problems!! For those younger parts who for healing truly need the guidance of a responsible and caring other, this leads to an endless roller coaster ride of abandonment triggers, miscommunication, a sense of rejection, interspersed with moments of true connection and healing. A T can never be enough.

Zoiecat summed it up well when she said:

I know how much the younger parts needed a parent figure to care for them. Trust me, I know. But the child has grown and the window of opportunity for the child to get what the child needed when the child needed it has gone. Of course they are going to tantrum about that. Who wouldn't. It was a critical developmental need.
That bird has long since flown the coop.
But do you know who hasn't?

You. You are the one person in the entire world who can "be there" in a meaningful sense to care for, nurture and console your child parts 100%, every day, in every instance, whenever they need you. Every single time.

Know where my child parts used to get their needs met? With lots of men. I would compromise my body to try and be taken care of by different men. I never understood why I would do that. It was an aching need. I hated the sex but it was necessary payment in my mind.

Well since I feel like I am loosing ground with T fulfilling what those strong young parts need, they started thinking about doing that again. It is the emptiness that I feel is unbearable. T was filling that emptiness but sessions have changed, he has switched directions and the empty feeling is back. I have to fill it.

The parts are just normal parts of a human being that have perfectly normal needs and wants. The drive to get those needs met is strong... for a child its very survival hinges on it. So those child parts are driven by a need that feels as desperate and intense as survival itself.
Because they can't see that the compassionate part of you can help them (because the compassionate part of you has never been able to before because you didn't even know how) they probably believe that if T can't be that parent for them then no-one can. And because the inner drive to fulfil those needs feels like a matter of life and death, it is only natural they would want to fulfil them in whatever capacity they have been able to meet any of them in past, even if those ways might be destructive.
This is where the compassionate adult self can help, once you have learned how. And your T knows how to help you do that.
All is not lost. It is the very opposite, in fact. Your T knows how to help you find your way out of this.
Of course it feels impossible to help those younger parts yourself at the moment. You haven't learned how to do it. Yet.