Help please need suggestions

Hello, sorry if this is in the wrong category, im new here. Im looking for help. Ive been going to therapy for depression, anxiety, and anger issues. I have major problems with abandonment issues. I was talking to my therpaist about how my ex abandonded me and I wished they were dead. The therapist then told me what I said was alarming and she might have to call help for myself, basically throwing me in a hospital. I said that would only make the situation worse as I would feel abandoned by my therapist, and that I said it out of hurt and anger. I told the therapist I dont know where my ex is anymore, I have no contact with them, and have no plan to harm them. This did not seem to convince the therapist. Now I am afraid and scared to the point I dont even want to go back to therapy. Should I tell my therapist im afraid because I dont want to be dropped off at a hospital? Or should I just leave? I feel like I shouldnt feel threatened. Maybe they are just doing their job? Please someone help me and point me in the right direction. Thank you all alot.

The two general reasons for involuntary hospitalization are if you are considered a risk to your own safety or the safety of others. Your therapist was basically responding along that line and letting you know that those kinds of thoughts, if in any way put to plan, would have to be taken seriously. Perhaps she was trying to impress on you the necessity to take your own thoughts seriously and not casually. We can get into habits of thinking that can become ruminations and sort of take over. Been there about suicide myself. Breaking that thought process can become extremely difficult.

It's hard to know without much detail about what was actually said.

That said, I doubt your therapist would hospitalize you over thoughts alone. Talk to her about how her reaction took you aback. Talk with her about the difference between thoughts and plans and actions. Get on the same page. That is a process of discussion that is really important in therapy if you are prone to those kinds of thoughts so that you can feel safe to bring them up when they are happening. I don't know how long you have seen this therapist, so it may be a matter of you getting to know each other a bit more.

Thank you for your input! Much appreciated.

ArtleyWilkins, my question is how do I talk about these thoughts truely to my therapist without it sounding like a threat? I mean no harm to this person and have no plan, which I explained. I dont want to feel like I have to hide things or not talk about things with her. Im kind of stuck.

Saying you wish someone dead is not that alarming, and does not justify threatening you with incarceration. I would not go back. I presume her main objective is to protect herself from liability, rather than help you.

Thank you....I am going to go back next session and tell her exzactly how I feel and based off of that I will see if I continue.

I don't think it's that outside the norm of human experience to wish someone who has hurt us was dead. I don't get why therapists can't see the nuance of that feeling. Recently my therapist suggested that I had probably wanted to kill my husband a time or two. He knows I'd never actually do it, but is aware that the thought must have crossed my mind, and he was correct. He did not make me feel ashamed for having those thoughts. Are these other therapists so sheltered that they've never wished harm on someone else? Personally, based on her reaction, I'd look for someone else.

I believe if you state intent to hurt someone, or yourself, they have a duty to warn.

However, you did not state any intent to harm but said you wished X. Personally, I think that T was a bit extreme. Not only because there was no intent to harm, no plan... but you also don't even have a clue where your ex currently is.

It's up to you to go back to this T and make it clear that you did not threaten to do anything to that ex and see how they react and whether to stay with them. If it were me, I would not stay with them. I would not trust them and would feel I'd need to watch extremely carefully everything I said in case they jumped to the wrong conclusion(s) and 'punished' me.

Thank you for this. I will look for a reaction and I appreciate you also understanding this feeling. Im at the last chance here, this therapist is the only one who takes my inshurance within 200 miles of where I live or else I will have to pay 300-$400 a session which I simply cant afford. If she fails, that will be it for me. I wish it wasnt about money but I cant afford anything else.

Thank you for your help. For my first therapist this is pretty upsetting. Feel like theres no one to help me.

I think mental health professionals responsibility to act on these things is a very controversial, gray area unless there are clear acts of violence or self-destruction. From all I know, they often have anxiety about this and "err on the side of caution" more to prevent themselves getting into trouble later. Threatening involuntary commitment prematurely also just discourages a client to be open and honest about their feelings, IMO - just like how you feel now, that you don't even want to go back.

I personally would never give a psychotherapist my address, emergency contact or anything similar, for the above reason. I was never asked for those either by my two private therapists and would not see one who demands it. Would not want to go through unnecessary hurdles due to their wrong judgment or fear as I know myself, what I am capable of doing and what is an impossibility. If someone does not have those perceptions intact, then it is a different situation, you did not say about the severity of your condition and history. You mentioned anger issues - that might be something pressing their alarms. Again, this all is nowhere near a black and white issue. I guess the only things you can do to protect yourself is not to give them personal information or to watch your expressions in the future, perhaps elaborate in more detail to make it clear when it is just a feeling you want to share and no possibility for any harmful action.

Seems like an overreaction on the therapist's part. I wouldn't feel safe with a therapist who lacked judgement and who threatened to lock me up. No one needs to be threatened with incarceration for expressing anger towards someone. OP I'm not sure what your distress level is but I'd encourage you to find a support group of some kind if you can't find/go to another therapist. I know sometimes we feel desperate and think anything is better than nothing. I understand and I've been there.

Thank you. Maybe im just overreacting since she didnt call anyway, considering im still here. I really appreciate your words.

Thank you for your words. I scheduled an earlier day to talk to her about this and im terrified if she stands solid on the matter because then I will truely feel lost. Thank you again. This is my first therapist and ive told her all this private stuff and now just to go to someone else and start again seems impossible to me.

Are there any non-therapy options in your area, if needed? Support groups, secular/non-religious (or religious, if you prefer) meditation groups? Something like that?

Hopefully things will go well at your next session and you won't feel so desolate. But, if you do, a lot of us have been in a desolate-feeling situation and gotten through it! Please keep us posted.

Thanks for your support. Im glad im not the only one out there. There is no support groups that I know of, and also groups I couldn't do because of the anxiety and social isolation I have (im not a fan of being around other people). I will keep you and all posted on my next session. Thanks again.

Hey, I dont know how to include everyone to let them know, but I had my session today and talked to my therapist about my concerns about my confidentiality. I explained that I dont want to tell her something and have it backfire and put me in a hospital, wether it be homicidal or suicidal thoughts. I told her I felt a large amount of anxiety that she mentioned it when I said I wanted to see my ex dead. She said she didnt call and would never call unless a plan was inplace or I told her I had access to weapons and was going to confront my ex, but said that me saying that is concerning to keep thinking like this and wants to work on it with me; to change my way of thinking and not pick the two extremes of forgiving her and hope shes happy, or to wish her dead but to find a good place in the middle that I can agree apon to let her go, which im happy about that I dont have to forgive her and wish her well immediately. I guess I overreacted and got anxious. She says she will only call if she feels my life or someone elses is at risk by harm or death, only occuring in a plan and the means to carry it out. Im glad that I was able to speak it out with her and I feel better about the whole situation. After 12 sessions I can finally say I trust her to help me by what she said today. I just hope she has the patience for me as even this took me a long time to trust her. Again, it looks like I overreacted and freaked out. I guess thats what happens when your depressed, angry, anxious, and have bad abandonment issues. Thanks everyone for your help and concern. I greatly appreciate it; thanks for being there for me.

I'm glad you had a good session with your T and got things cleared up about under what circumstances she would feel the need to report. It's always good to know where the boundaries are. I think you are doing good to trust your T after 12 sessions. That's amazing. I've been seeing mine for almost a year (though not every week) and I'm getting to the point where I might trust her, maybe. On a good day.

I'm glad you were able to talk to her and that you all have a better understanding.

Seems to me she overreacted some, too, or at least didn't explain it very well but such is life. It sounds like now you have a good basis for going forward!