Recovering From Therapy Abuse

Want to update:

I think this is a very important question for me and T to explore in therapy. T is back from vacation and she agrees.

I’m going through some tough housing/probably moving issues that may take a month or two to resolve. Once I’m settled and feel more stable we plan to devote more time to this question.

Apologies if my temper in previous posts hurt or triggered anyone as that was not my intent. It’s been difficult for me to express anger in the past, especially toward the abusive Pdoc, and when I was feeling it, I just went with it.

There’s more to this topic than i have talked about very much. My most recent rant happened when my grown DD let me know she is still very angry and hurt about the exploitation and blames me. She’s angry with me.

I am just so very angry with the perp- that he has gravely damaged me and my family. I don’t know if we will ever heal.

Please feel free to add your opinions and experiences here. I will read them and work on them- your comments and links are extremely helpful.

You’ve all been very helpful. Thank you.

I will update this thread as I work on these issues.

I was able to contact the detective (at the time) handling the criminal cases against the PDoc. I asked the detective if he remembered why the PDoc was arrested but never prosecuted?

He was kind in his reply.

At least the criminal case didn’t fail because of ME being a messed up, stupid, naive jerk, (I don’t guess) but it failed because of their own system failings and fear that they couldn’t win a case without DNA or against a ‘Professional’ person in authority.

MY fear was -he would laugh at me and say, so you thought we would prosecute a case between you, a messed up, street people, stupid ‘so-called *prostitute*’ vs. this upstanding psychiatrist?

I was afraid it was my fault.
That was one of my biggest fears.

And he apologized.
I hadn’t realized this case may have pained him, too.

Oh, precaryous. Thanks so much for sharing this. Thanks for your courage in reaching out to the detective, and for sharing your concerns here about the case failing because of you. I am so touched by it all -- your courage in reaching out, the kindness (and courage, too, maybe) of the detective in responding.

The detective said ‘feel free to ask if you have further questions.’

I’m thinking of asking the detective if he can contact the other victim(s) and ask if they would like to contact me. I’m aware he may not have that information or the victim may not want to connect with me. That’s fine.

I’m asking myself, what’s to gain? Maybe validation? We belong to a very exclusive ‘club.’ She might welcome someone else ‘who understands’ to talk with about it. It might help with closure. There may be other gains that I can’t forecast.

There maybe negative consequences to connecting with the other victim. I could guess a few.

But I don’t know.

I would like to speak with the other victim to hear her recollections of the Pdoc we both had...I’m curious if he groomed her in similar ways. I’m curious about her story. (I don’t mean I doubt her...I believe her.) I’m willing to share my experiences.

What are your thoughts about welcoming the victim to contact me?

I think, and you're probably aware of this, one of the dangers is that victims of the same abuser (or even just very similar abuse) can take very different paths to healing or coping, and be in very different stages in their journey - yes, reaching out can lead to mutual validation and healing, but it can also lead to disappointment, bitterness and opening of old wounds. I have been unwittingly hurt, and have unwittingly hurt others by not getting / giving the response hoped for, due to processing just slightly different traumas just slightly differently ... heard of siblings not being on speaking terms because of their differences in how they processed the same(-ish) abuse from the same parent, stuff like that. So I think it's important to make it very clear to yourself, and maybe also to the other person, what your expectations / hopes / fears are (with the help of your T, even?) before deciding to reach out.

ETA: this is not meant to be advice. I suck at handling these situations, and anything I say should be viewed in that light. This just happens to be the first thing I'd start worrying about if faced with the same choice as you.

Umm I just realised I reacted to the very last post without reacting to the whole of the thread ... sorry, got carried away (resonated with a recent experience). That was horrible, what your PDoc did and how the case was handled. I'm sorry you had to go though that, and I admire your courage in facing it then and now!

Right about now, I would so much like there to be another person who reported her. She just went to my daughter's house ( my son in law is worried that she knows where they live as the house is actually listed as my ex husband's house) and slid an envelope with pictures and papers she said she found under a file cabinet . I think she was actually making sure we knew that she knew where my daughter lives and today I'm being totally paranoid. She wrote a note to my daughter saying that she knew I didn't want contact with her, but that she felt bad throwing the things away. She treated my daughter so badly- I can't imagine that she would think it was okay to contact her. I was just starting to feel safer. It's been seven years since I left.

Agree, there could be disappointment and the bringing up of old wounds. It might be unavoidable to compare how each of us handled it...or didn’t.

The primary victim is about fifteen years or more younger than I am. We will definitely have different perceptions and experiences.

Right now there is some turmoil in my family. I’ll give this more thought. I want to feel more stable if I go ahead with this.

I've kind of hesitated to say, because I just don't know, but my sense is it might be better for you to get further going on whatever "recovery" might be for you. Like corbie said, could be re-opening old wounds to no good effect right now. But it seems like definitely something that you can know best what is likely to be best for you.

Very true.

My counter thought is- I know the ex-Detective is older than I am. I might not want to wait too long or the opportunity will be gone forever.

I spoke with PrevT and T about my contacting the victim mentioned in the news article. (Or, rather, asking if he could give her my information and ask if she was willing to contact me.)

I messaged the ex-Detective and asked if he was able to do this. I told him I will understand if *he* says ‘no’ or if the victim says ‘no.’ There are many reasons either person could decline.

I can see that he’s read my message. I’m waiting for his decision.

Update-
The ex-Detective answered. He said since he’s been retired for several years there is really no way for him to find out more. He’s sorry he can’t help me reach her.

And I was ready for that answer. It’s ok. I’m grateful I found the same ex-Detective who helped me years ago. He’s been able to answer many important questions for me.
I’m glad of that.

I'm glad you tried even though you didnt get the information.
I don't know exactly where the thread about recovery is, but I realized that I am very impressed by my reaction to the recent contact from the unethical T after 7 years. I was mad for a little, had a few relapses into being triggered by cigarette smoke outside my house, and one middle of the night panic, but this reaction is so much less than when things have happened in the past, or even when things haven't happened except my memories being set off by seemingly random things. I'm going to visit my daughter ( whose house ex T has now located and where she dropped off a packet of random pictures and papers she said she found when she was moving a file cabinet) I think that she was trying to make sure that we knew that she was aware of where my daughter and her family live and also she made a point of saying that she found them when "we" moved the file cabinet to make me think she's in a new relationship. She's tried so many things to get my attention since I left the house that my daughter and I lived in with her. Telling me she had talked to a lawyer who said that there was nothing I could do, holding a musical instrument as "collateral" for money she said I owed her, then dropping the instrument off on my mom's porch in plain sight from the street and during weather when it could have been damaged and unfixable ( luckily my mom got home just in time to see her pull off) She refused to let my family in the house to help me move - leaving my 74 year old mother who was in bad health in the heat. I could go on and on. The stories would describe a really bad breakup with an abusive partner - but this woman began as my therapist - who was supposed to have only my best interests in mind. See - I'm getting mad again, and THAT is progress for me. A step up from shut down, avoidance of thoughts and hopelessness. The feeling of being irretrievably damaged.

I dint think I will see her when I go back to visit my daughter, but in therapy today I practiced being rude ( in my opinion) She's trying to start something back up, so the best thing I could do is not acknowledge her.

What a tangle!