[CantExplain]

Patients suffer terrible distress at the tought that their Ts don't like them. Is it really necessary for Ts to leave them hanging like that?

[LonesomeTonight]

I don't think that's the case with all T's. Mine hasn't specifically said he likes me, but he's said (in response to question) that I'm "interesting." He also recently said that he tends to find me engaging and that my session time usually goes by quickly--this was in response to a session where I said I felt off and disconnected, and he admitted to having felt bored that session (but thought maybe it was just something going on with him). It was nice to hear that he usually finds me engaging. And ex-MC actually said a couple times, to me and H, "I like you guys!"

[StrawberryBell]

A long time ago I asked a T if she liked me. Her response was "do YOU like you?". Just the dumbest response ever. Turns out she liked me, loved me even...but yes, in that moment it was distressing and just such an unnecessary response to a client expressing vulnerability.

[ArtleyWilkins]

I've never had that experience. I always found my therapists quite open about their feelings towards me, and that was always positive.

[nicoleflynn]

A client should feel liked by their t.

[Xynesthesia2]

I don't know, it has not been my experience. Also, I personally don't want/need to be liked by professionals I hire, I want them to be effective and useful. They can like/love me all they want but I will not consider it to be effective unless I see some sort of result... liking can be pleasant but is rather irrelevant for me.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

I've not had that experience. All my Ts have been clear that they like me. So it's just some Ts, not all of them. I'm sorry you've experienced a T like that.

[SlumberKitty]

Former T was very open that she liked me and cared about me. I get the sense from current T that she likes me but I'm not entirely sure. It could just be the professional niceties. I do want her to like me (I want to be liked my most people--maybe that is a need hopefully not a pathological one). It would be nice if she would be a little more open about it. But she had said stuff like "I'll look forward to seeing you next time." and "I'm happy to see you today." But it could just be something she tells everyone, so I try not to read into it. Kit

[feralkittymom]

I'm not sure it has anything to do with the T and isn't a projection from the client. So who controls projections?

[*Beth*]

Because that "therapy" room isn't really a room, it's a shoebox and the T has to keep everything all organized and on their terms for fear everything will go haywire. The thing is, they have a really tough job - but so do we.

[stopdog]

I don't believe therapists have a hard job at all.

The two women I hired went out of their way to tell me they liked me. I think they were both lying. I didn't particularly like them all that much

[ScarletPimpernel]

My Ts have all told me they like me and they cared. None have said they love me. Ex-T was the closest when she said "I want you to feel loved when you're with me". Of course, she was the one T who abandoned me... T has said she cares, but she gets all professional when she says it, and she rarely says it.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

I'm not sure it has anything to do with the T and isn't a projection from the client. So who controls projections?

Exactly this. I'd also call learning to deal with the possibility people don't like you, learning not to assume they don't like you, and learning not to let your worry they don't like you upset or distract you a very valuable life lesson.

[susannahsays]

The therapist definitely didn't like me when we first started talking and that was fine by me because I didn't like her either. As our interactions became less fraught with mutual hostility (ok, maybe 65 - 80% was coming from me), there was room for the dislike to dissipate. I don't dislike her anymore, although I frequently get angry. I don't think she dislikes me as a person, but she really doesn't like certain things I do and sometimes I think I exasperate her and have even angered her on occasion. But she has warmed up to me a bit. She has told me she likes me a few times, unasked, and I did not find it believable when she said it. Since it seemed like an unnatural thing for her to throw into the conversation and I had not sought such an accolade, I chose to ignore her remarks. I did once see fit to accuse her of hating me, but only because I was acting out by being manipulative and I figured that telling her I believed she hated me might make her feel bad since she obviously wanted me to think she liked me. But instead of feeling wounded or guilty, as I had intended, she just seemed annoyed.

I don't really make an effort to be likeable in general. But in therapy, I don't feel as much of a need to hide things such as my constant grumpiness and self pity. If I were the therapist, I don't think I'd like me much. And I'm also not a liar. So I guess I might be the type of therapist who let a patient think I didn't like them if that was the case. Certainly not saying that's how most therapists operate, because I don't think it is. I think most just tell their clients they like them regardless of how they actually feel. The ones who don't tell might not have positive feelings, but I think it's likelier that they have some sort of lofty therapisty nonsense reason for being weird about it.

[sarahsweets]

What would it take for you to feel like your t liked you?