Three months since old therapist

Hi everyone,


Im glad i stood my ground and kept my file open when my old therapist retired. I have had 3 really good sessions with the new therapist our scheduals have been off but now we plan on meeting every three weeks. There no doubt in me needing the help to resolve some trauma. I feel comfortable with her and i can tell she listens and so far has really helped me to feel better about myself. She wont let me dig into my past until i feel like it wont lead me into crisis.


With all that being said, im still having anxiety over some of the tings old t did and addiction counsellor. I am not proud that i stayed, but at that time i felt he was helping me because everyone else at the clinic felt the same way day program counsellors. I have a hard time believing that my file will continue to stay open, i fear that my old t the goals he had set is going to be put back in place.


1. Go to womens AA every week, get a sponsor and therapy will decrease.


For almost two years with him no matter what was going on in my life he always brought up AA and sponsoring. He knew that i finally was taking life more serious and im 20.5 months sober. He threaten to close my file. He started to blame me for not getting better. He got me to attend a six week cbt course at the clinic a year and half ago hoping it would cure me. Every session went from every week one week with him the other with addiction counselor she dropped me six months into this mess. Went to every 5 weeks no matter what.


with this it has caused allot of problems with me feel so uneasy. Day program counsellor has been acting okay one week and then she gets kinda nasty towards me. It's almost like she still wants me to feel like it's not okay to feel like, im off the hook. I haven't brought this up with the new therapist, i have with my doctor. He just has been so helpful getting to keep my file open and so very understanding.


I just feel so uneasy, and i still want to go to therapy she is helping me, but i feel my old t really hurt me and i feel guilty. I don't know if this post makes sense so please feel free to ask me questions. I still feel very confused from all this. Thank you for reading

Now that i have had time to think about what i wrote earlier. I hope this post will explain things much better.


7 years ago i started going to this mental health clinic. I got assign a addiction counsellor and it lead to her getting me a pyschologist. I saw him and her every two weeks until i went to hospital 4 years ago. When i got out of hospital i went back to the counsellor and old therapist we all agreed that i needed day program and interacting with others was important to me. We also agreed on weekly apps. I continued up on my therapy and day program things got very messy when my husband had a stroke in April of 2017, The goals of my therapy shifted and there were no discussing it with me. It felt like i was being punished for still getting help. I kept on going to my sessions telling them i was very depressed and it got very messy. There was always talk of me being my own therapist, and when i tried to talk to them it seemed like it went in one ear and out the other ear.


I got sober Nov. 20th 2017 have not had a relapse since. I started going to day program way more actually six months into being away from the alcohol things started to surface pain of my Grandpa death and what abuse he did to me started to come out. My eating disorder got out of hand. I kept telling my pyschologist this every month and he kept telling me to ask for a sponsor at AA and that i needed to rely on myself. This probably kept up for a good year the addiction counsellor dropped me in January of 2018. Saying that AA and day program where enough for me.


January of this year the pyschologist announced to me he was retiring, it's cruical i get a sponsor. My file would be closed at the end of April. I started to cry and tell him listen we have spent too much time on my addiction and not much on my trauma, low self esteem. I went home and wrote him a 2 page letter explaining why i needed more therapy. So i showed up to my session in Feb, no mention of the letter was very cold and just kept mentioning AA sponser. I told him i was extremely scared of using AA for all my support and sponser how can they help me with trauma. I left that session very upset and scared. I got my gp involved and wrote the health minister. Next month March he was willing to keep my file open and seemed happy i stood up for myself. Last session in April was a very upsetting confusing even though I knew i was seeing a female therapist.


From there i have had no issues, but im extremely angry and if i had known to go to my family doctor when it first got messy i sure would of saved allot of heart ache. I just feel so angry, but do not know how to get rid of except to be hard on myself. Even though i have a good therapist now im afraid if i tell her this it may create conflict, same clinic. Though my old t has been gone for 3 months now. I do not want to cause conflict. I just want this night mare of what happened to go away. Sorry this is extremely hard to put into writing from the head. If im not making sense im sorry.

Maybe you can talk about your feelings about your former T to your new T. It sounds like there may be some unresolved feelings there that could be explored and then tucked away. Great job on staying sober. That's awesome. You are doing a great job. Good for you for advocating for yourself. I'm glad your GP helped you out. HUGS Kit

Thank you slumberkitty, i plan on talking to her about this, it's something i need to talk about and somehow be able to move on. I am just get so anxious just thinking about it and i hope when i do talk to her about it she can be of help to me. My hope too is that this wont effect the therapy i have now and if i don't talk about it and keep letting my emotions get to me it probably could. Just a little anxious of how to bring it up without her feeling like im going to accuse the whole clinic or something like that.


Every month it gets easier with out the alcohol. I have my husband and dog that helps allot to have support here at home. Also keeping busy and finding other interests hobbies have been the biggest thing to help and online support. I think the biggest thing will be dealing with why i felt the need to numb the pain will help in the long run.


I am glad i did not run and trusted my gp to help me stay through the course. It's been a very long and tiring couple of years, but im thankful i have a good therapist so far she has been there for me. Also it helps when i do take responsibility for my life and i try to use what helps me. Thank you for listening hugs

Cheryl27, do you ever journal? It might help to get some of your feelings and thoughts about your former T down on paper (or on the computer screen if you opt to journal electronically). I've found when I'm anxious about talking about something with T that it helps to get some of it out and organized before tackling it with another person. There's been a few times though where I've just been like, "There's something I need to talk about and I don't know where to start." And then T has prompted me and I was able to talk through it. Although sometimes it takes several sessions. Try not to fear her thinking you are accusing the whole clinic (she also works for the clinic right?) just tell her that your feelings are regarding your former T and former T alone.


Great job on the giving up alcohol. Well done! That's great! I've never had a drinking problem myself but I have a SH problem and I know how painfully hard it is to give that up so I can relate to you in that way. Its awesome that you have found some other hobbies and interests. I think you go to cooking class and stuff right? Is that something you enjoy? I think you are right. It will be very helpful to find out the why behind it all, why you needed to numb the pain. I'm like that too. I numb myself so I don't feel.

One thing my T suggested which I thought was a little "woo woo" at the time but I did try it and found it helpful: she said to draw mandalas and then look for patterns. I drew a few and dang it, I did see patterns in it, related to sadness. Lots of tears etc. I don't know if that is something that might help you but it did help me to see a pattern develop and then look at it with her (not the actual drawings because they sucked, but the pattern). If you find your emotions are all over the place, it might help to see patterns in them where before they seem all over the place. I'm not sure that makes sense. I'm not at my best today.


I'm glad you have a good therapist. I appreciate mine, both former and current. They have both been good for me. I think a good therapist can do a lot of good things for a person. I'm glad so far yours has been there for you. I hope she is able to continue to be there for you and also that she will help you through the emotions and thoughts you have about your former T. Keep writing here if it is helpful to you. There's people reading and listening and supporting you. HUGS Kit