With a new T, when do you bring up...

I’m starting with a new T soon after over a year out of therapy. My question is at what point do you bring up trauma? A lot of mine has to do with family. (Nothing too wild but it’s the main reason I’m seeking therapy)

So in a first session, I know I’ll be asked questions about my family but I don’t know if it would be too early to start talking about that stuff on a first meeting. It seems like I shouldn’t get too heavy right away and should make sure I can trust this person first. But I also don’t know how to answer those small talk questions without either making it seem like nothing (so she won’t know there’s a problem to come back to) or going too far (and giving more info than she needs or wants right away). What do I do? And when do I start bringing up the more traumatic things?

You could just say there's some stuff there that you'd like to talk about at some point once you've gotten more comfortable. If the family stuff is central to why you're seeking therapy, you'll definitely want to let her know that. But that doesn't mean it's unreasonable for you to disclose details gradually to reduce the risk of harm to yourself should she turn out to be untrustworthy. The way I've managed it is to parcel out details in small amounts while observing the therapist's reaction to my disclosures. Her response is the indicator of whether I can tell her more, if I need to wait and see before telling her anything else, or if I need to terminate because she's untrustworthy. So far, the one I see has not responded in a way that tells me my disclosures have been mistakes and I need to terminate. I'm still wary, but I am more generous in the amount of information I give to her than I once was because I judge the risk of her turning out to be untrustworthy to be lower than I once did.

I guess I'm suggesting that you try to take it slow. I get the impression that you have a lot to get off your chest and that you want to share - that part of you is really eager to trust this therapist. Maybe also that you have some sort of anxiety that if you allow yourself to be vulnerable, this therapist will think you're too much and reject you. That's what it sounds like, anyway.

I'd just go with my feeling. If I like the therapist, I would be open in the first session. There's no need to pay for small talk if you need to solve the issue asap.
If you don't feel comfortable enough, then I would do small talk and decide if I want to return or not.
There are no strict rules about this. I would just go and see how it goes. Mainly how you like the therapist and what questions they ask. Let it be natural.

When ever you are comfortable disclosing it. Some Ts I have told very early in the first session because I needed it out there. I did not bring it up the first session with my current T. He very gently asked “have men hurt you in the past” which let me know he was OK hearing about it and let him know he had to be very gentle with me at first.

I say go with your gut instinct. I tend to tell people/therapists things slowly over a long period of time. It took several years for me to disclose some things to my former T. Some of those things I don't intend to ever tell current T though I am planning on telling her something traumatic tonight. But I've been seeing her about a year. I figure it's time.

It's been about three years and counting for me, there's no need to go mad and jump straight in after all. I am playing it cool for cats.

I don't tend to think it matters what Ts think they need to hear (I don't complete "intake" sort of paperwork except for the insurance info, and the only initial question I'm interested in answering is a generic "What brings you here today?), and I really don't care what they may want to hear. It's not their therapy. So I would concentrate on what you want to share and when, and you may not be able to make that decision before engaging with them.