Stay safe

nottrustin · Aug 20, 2019 at 09:21 PM

I typically am in the small waiting room when the client before me finishes her appoinment. The last few weeks I have heard the departing client tell Emdr T to stay safe. This seems weird to me. I could see saying "have a safe trip" before T went on her cross country trip last week. Saying it every week though?

I use to be protective and on occasion motherly towards T. She on more than one occasion told me she appreciated my concern but that she didn't need a mother. Now with Emdr T if I say something that my be motherly I will tell her I am not trying to parent her.

junkDNA · Aug 21, 2019 at 03:50 AM

Yesterday my T said at the end "are you gonna be okay? Are you gonna be safe ? Promise ?"

We had a really really intense session and he asked me to stay in his office while he met with his next client in another office. He asked me to stay til he got back

I think ppl say this when they are worried. But I know better than to say "no" to that question. Because I end up in a hospital =[

nottrustin · Aug 21, 2019 at 05:02 AM

I can understand a T saying it to a client. In this case the client says it to the therapist

LonesomeTonight · Aug 21, 2019 at 05:31 AM

I see why that seems odd. I wonder if it's just a thing this client says to people in general? Or if your T says to her "Stay safe" and she repeats it back to him?

JaneTennison1 · Aug 21, 2019 at 07:40 AM

maybe it's just a thing they say or maybe it's a little tic. I've known people who 'have' to say a certain thing

ArtleyWilkins · Aug 21, 2019 at 07:58 AM

It's kind of colloquial to certain areas and people. I wouldn't read much into it.

Flinders40 · Aug 21, 2019 at 08:02 AM

Seems like a reversal of roles to me.

nottrustin · Aug 21, 2019 at 08:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I see why that seems odd. I wonder if it's just a thing this client says to people in general? Or if your T says to her "Stay safe" and she repeats it back to him?

Very possible. There is likely discussions that leads her yo sayy this and T is aware.

Part of it is that 2 weeks ago at my appointment before T went on a backapacking vacation I wanted to tell her to be safe and that I was worried something might happen but I didn't. Instead I told her to have a wonderful vacation. I spent the week she was gone somewhat afraid something would happen and she would fall.

LonesomeTonight · 10:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nottrustin

Very possible. There is likely discussions that leads her yo sayy this and T is aware.

Part of it is that 2 weeks ago at my appointment before T went on a backapacking vacation I wanted to tell her to be safe and that I was worried something might happen but I didn't. Instead I told her to have a wonderful vacation. I spent the week she was gone somewhat afraid something would happen and she would fall.

I understand that fear. Two vacations ago, my T said he didn't know if Wifi would be available where he was going, so my mind jumped to wildnerness. And I said I was afraid he'd be eaten by bears or something. I've said "travel safely" to him before vacations in the past, but one time he was like, "How do you even know if I'm going anywhere?" (because he won't tell me). So I think last time I just said to enjoy his time off, or something like that. I may say "safe travels" this time--it's a bit of an OCD thing with me (like the magical thinking thing).

Elio · Aug 21, 2019 at 09:18 AM

I have at times told my T to be safe or please stay/be safe. I have said it in the context of my worry of her health/physical safety because I needed her to still be there for me.

I've also told her to stay safe as a sort of warning that I'm starting to feel like she's becoming unsafe to me and I need this space to still be a safe space; which also means a non-challenging/challenged space or I need the pacing to slow down.

I do also do the repeat back thing and she does it to me on some things. So that might be part of it here too.

stopdog · Aug 21, 2019 at 09:25 AM

I don't think "stay safe" is even a good sentiment. I wouldn't say it to a therapist or anyone else who was over the age of 3.

nottrustin · Aug 21, 2019 at 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I understand that fear. Two vacations ago, my T said he didn't know if Wifi would be available where he was going, so my mind jumped to wildnerness. And I said I was afraid he'd be eaten by bears or something. I've said "travel safely" to him before vacations in the past, but one time he was like, "How do you even know if I'm going anywhere?" (because he won't tell me). So I think last time I just said to enjoy his time off, or something like that. I may say "safe travels" this time--it's a bit of an OCD thing with me (like the magical thinking thing). ddd

When she is home she is not very good with responding when I reach out for support. So I have never and will never ask about reaching out when she is on vacation. I only reach out when I am really in a bad place and all else fails....but knowing I will likely not get a reaponse for a day or 2

LonesomeTonight · Aug 21, 2019 at 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nottrustin

When she is home she is not very good with responding when I reach out for support. So I have never and will never ask about reaching out when she is on vacation. I only reach out when I am really in a bad place and all else fails....but knowing I will likely not get a reaponse for a day or 2

Yeah, I was more sharing that to say I had similar fears when he goes away, less so about his replying on vacation. I do think it helped to share the fears. I used "bears" because it seemed lighter.

coolibrarian · Aug 21, 2019 at 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nottrustin

Very possible. There is likely discussions that leads her yo sayy this and T is aware.

Part of it is that 2 weeks ago at my appointment before T went on a backapacking vacation I wanted to tell her to be safe and that I was worried something might happen but I didn't. Instead I told her to have a wonderful vacation. I spent the week she was gone somewhat afraid something would happen and she would fall.

I think there is nothing wrong with saying this to anybody. In your case, NT, based on what happened to your previous T, this fear makes total sense to me. Not just that your current T may get hurt or killed on her vacation, but that it might happen the same or similar way to what happened with previous T. Hugs if you want them.

SlumberKitty · Aug 21, 2019 at 12:33 PM

I've said, "Stay Safe." and "Be Careful" amongst other things to former T. Part of it was probably my anxiety, she doesn't live in a city that is known for being safe. She never said anything about it. I think she usually replied, "You too." Shrug.

nottrustin · 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

I've said, "Stay Safe." and "Be Careful" amongst other things to former T. Part of it was probably my anxiety, she doesn't live in a city that is known for being safe. She never said anything about it. I think she usually replied, "You too." Shrug.

It is probably one of my issues between not wanting to appear I am mothering her and wanting to get too or appear to close and invested.

junkDNA · Aug 22, 2019 at 04:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nottrustin

I can understand a T saying it to a client. In this case the client says it to the therapist

I am sorry that I misunderstood

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nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Aug 21, 2019 at 05:02 AM #3 I can understand a T saying it to a client. In this case the client says it to the therapist __________________
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LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,744 (SuperPoster!) 9 74.9k hugs given	Aug 21, 2019 at 05:31 AM #4 I see why that seems odd. I wonder if it's just a thing this client says to people in general? Or if your T says to her "Stay safe" and she repeats it back to him?
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JaneTennison1 Magnate Member Since Aug 2014 Location: US Posts: 2,202 9 121 hugs given	Aug 21, 2019 at 07:40 AM #5 maybe it's just a thing they say or maybe it's a little tic. I've known people who 'have' to say a certain thing
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ArtleyWilkins Magnate Member Since Oct 2018 Location: USA Posts: 2,787 5 7 hugs given	Aug 21, 2019 at 07:58 AM #6 It's kind of colloquial to certain areas and people. I wouldn't read much into it.
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Flinders40 Member Member Since Jun 2018 Location: New York City Posts: 210 5 4 hugs given	Aug 21, 2019 at 08:02 AM #7 Seems like a reversal of roles to me.
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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Aug 21, 2019 at 12:33 PM #15 I've said, "Stay Safe." and "Be Careful" amongst other things to former T. Part of it was probably my anxiety, she doesn't live in a city that is known for being safe. She never said anything about it. I think she usually replied, "You too." Shrug. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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