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Crook32
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Default Aug 22, 2019 at 08:37 AM
  #1
I know this is dumb but I just feel like I need to write it out to vent a little.

So it was the end of our session and my T and I are both going on vacations so she was looking up to see when my next appointment would be. As she is looking her phone ringed and it was her son’s camp. Now I have kids too so I know how you want to answer if you see a call from camp. So she answered and it made me feel really awkward sitting there while she was on the phone. She could have ignored the call and call them back in less than a minute because that is all it would have taken to give me an answer. Or she could have answered to see if it was an emergency and since it wasn’t call them back once we were done. Or she could have taken the call to the conference room. Instead she just asked me to leave and I didn’t know whether I was supposed to wait for her or not. So I just left. The whole experience made me feel like I did something wrong because of the way she dismissed me. So now it will be two weeks until I see her again. I don’t believe I did anything wrong but I still feel guilty.

Sorry just had to vent a little.
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Default Aug 22, 2019 at 08:45 AM
  #2
Oh, this would bother me, too. I feel like she should have stepped into the hall, not made you leave. Or, like you said, answered the phone, confirmed if emergency, then said she'd call them back if not. When we get calls from my daughter's school (and, in the past, daycare), they would usually lead with, "D's fine/OK, but [such and such happened]." Or they might say she's in nurse's office with fever or got sick or something, so I'd know right away. She could have answered as my ex-MC did once when a client called several times during a session, he finally answered, opening with "This is Dr. ex-MC, I'm in session, is this an emergency?" Apparently client said it was, he stepped into the courtyard, was on the phone a minute and came back in apologizing and shaking his head (apparently it wasn't what he considered to be an emergency). It bothered me that he took the call at all (my current T wouldn't have, and my ex-T turned her phone to do not disturb during sessions). But if he'd asked us to leave, I'd have been very upset. I mean, if he determined it was an emergency he had to deal with, I could sort of understand? But it's especially awkward with your T being right at the end of session and both of you about to go on vacation.

Did you end up scheduling? If not, maybe you could email or leave a message about that and saying you hope her son is OK, that you weren't clear if you were supposed to wait for her, and just wanted to schedule.
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Default Aug 22, 2019 at 08:46 AM
  #3
I think she was just saying, since you were done, you could leave (and she wanted privacy for the call). I don't see anything in that exchange that you or she should feel guilty for.
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Default Aug 22, 2019 at 09:38 AM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crook32 View Post
. . .. The whole experience made me feel like I did something wrong because of the way she dismissed me. . .
Good for you in writing this out. Perhaps that's enough to help you process it?

Nevertheless, here's my 2 cents for what it is worth. Do you think that your feeling you did something wrong could be only just that -- a feeling response in reaction to something your therapist did? She dismissed you, because concerns about her son took over -- you became unimportant, at least for the moment. Does that kind of thing trigger or lead you to feel that you did something wrong? (It might for me, but then that could be an interesting clue about how I tended to respond when those things happen. But, in reality, it seems like it was more about your T and not you?)
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Default Aug 22, 2019 at 09:44 AM
  #5
My T has her phone so it will not ring if she is in a session. However, people like her sons schools and family knows that if it is an emergency and they can call 3 times within a certain short period of time her phone will ring. I would fond it quite distracting especially to just be dismissed in the middle of something.

T once received a call during a session from jer elderly neighbor. The neighbor never called so T asked of I minded she answer to be sure everything was okay. It wasn't an emergency so T told her she was in an appointment but would call after. It was probably the one time her phone wasnt shut off.

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Default Aug 22, 2019 at 11:05 AM
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She was rude!
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Default Aug 22, 2019 at 11:29 AM
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I wouldn't have liked that either. Personally I think it was inappropriate behaviour on her part. Neither my T or myself check phones or take calls at all during a session. I think if T absolutely had to check whether it was an emergency that's acceptable I guess, but she should have said she would call back because she was still with a client.

We get so little of a T's time during the week when alls said and done, it's not much to ask that your T respect the time spent with you.

So sorry this happened to you and that you have 2 weeks until you see her.
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Default Aug 22, 2019 at 11:50 AM
  #8
Thanks everyone. It is good to know that I am not crazy or being over sensitive. I understand kid emergency because I have had them to. But from what I heard it was not an emergency. I would have felt better if she had left the room rather than throwing me out. I ended up getting the appointment times from the office manager before I left. On top of this the last 3 sessions she has started 10 minutes late. So she has been annoying me for awhile now.
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Default Aug 22, 2019 at 12:38 PM
  #9
I think they should all have their phones on silent with very few exceptions. If their partner is about to go into labor, ok, put on do not disturb except for the partner's number. If a partner or child is deathly ill (I mean seriously, like with cancer or something), same protocol. If they have receptionists, there really shouldn't be any exceptions at all.

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Default Aug 22, 2019 at 01:03 PM
  #10
My psychiatrist gets calls from the hospital where he is medical director. He always asks if its an emergency and if it is, I step out of his office for a moment. If its not, he tells the caller he'll call back later. I have no problem stepping outside when I know he's dealing with an emergency. He always makes up the time at the end of our appt.
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Default Aug 22, 2019 at 02:18 PM
  #11
Ex-MC would drive me nuts with this because he would never have it on silent, then when he’d get a text, he’d say, “ I just need to check the number.” Then look at it, and usually put it away. A few times he’s said “I have a few emergencies brewing, so I have to check.” So then I’d spend the rest of session concerned he’d have to leave suddenly. I gave him leeway once I learned his wife was sick but brought it up after he answered client call. He said he treats a lot of high-risk teens, so it’s not just family he’s checking for. I was more understanding when it was family. (I do look if my phone rings in session because I have an 8-year-old D). But it possibly being other clients bothered me more because it felt like he was putting them over me, when I was sitting right in front of him.

Only times T has looked at his phone was once then he said his wife was sick so he had to make sure wasn’t about his son (I assume his wife is usually on kid phone duty—not sure what she does but I know she’s not a T because he said that once). The other timecwas when a repairman was due to the office, and he had to tell them to go away because he was in session with me.
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Default Aug 22, 2019 at 02:49 PM
  #12
The only time I can remember my T taking a call during my session, she told me up-front that she was expecting a call. This was just prior to her treatment for cancer. And when the call came, she stepped into the hall; she didn't ask me to leave.
I encourage you to discuss this with your T at your next session.

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