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#21
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I guess for me the power imbalance comes more from the relative importance we have in each other's life - that is, I'm emotionally vulnerable, and a session gone wrong can cause enough pain and anxiety to affect my day-to-day life. Meanwhile, she might spare a thought to it, or maybe a few thoughts if I email about it. Which is fine if I think rationally, it wouldn't do anyone any good if she obsessed about every mistake she made, but it still angers me to no end. So any inequality in the personal details shared just feels insignificant next to that. Mind you, she doesn't know that much about my life, and mostly not the kind of stuff that can be found on the internet. |
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Poohbah
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#22
Until this week I shared very little with my T about what I discovered about him online. About a year ago I told him about a picture I found of him with his mother and sister. I knew he wanted to know where and how I found it, but he was very good about not asking which I thought was admirable, especially since I didn’t want to discuss it. It somehow came up again unexpectedly this week and he told me that my finding the picture had made him uncomfortable, but that he was also glad I saw it. He also playfully said he thought I enjoyed making him a bit uncomfortable. At first I wasn’t aware of it, but now I think he’s right. Although I generally think of myself as a nice person, I have spent so much time being uncomfortable in his office, that I suppose it felt good to give a little of that discomfort back to him. That was my small victory, I guess.
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feileacan
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#23
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__________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
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ScarletPimpernel
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Lrad123
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#24
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Actually, I think it kind of bothered my ex-T as well, but ... it was often difficult to get her to admit that, she tended to get defensive or avoid discussing it. So she had massive power to hurt me (not on purpose, but still), and I ... actually, I had more power to affect her than I realised, though (luckily, yet annoyingly to a part of me) still not nearly as much as she did ... but I think the really problematic part was that I had no reliable way of holding her accountable. Also, sorry that you had such a difficult week, that sounds like a lot |
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Lrad123
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#25
I don't feel the need to share with the therapist that I've googled her or browsed her FB. I don't feel guilty. I don't know what the purpose would be of letting her know and it might make her uncomfortable. The idea of someone looking me up on Facebook doesn't make me uncomfortable, but I would personally be uncomfortable if they informed me they had done so. Just seems like a good way to catch someone off guard by saying something that is awkward and is unclear in regards to purpose or expectations about the response. Of course, I'm not a therapist.
__________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold |
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#26
Power imbalance or just professional role?
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Poohbah
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#27
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Poohbah
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#28
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Poohbah
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#29
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#30
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Member
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Location: Hungary
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#31
Could it be a professional role that comes with an inherent power imbalance?
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#32
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Member
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#33
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First, therapists' 'professional role' includes encouraging you to lower your defenses, even explaining that it's required for therapy to work - to give your therapist more power than you otherwise would. You can disagree with that, but they're the professional sharing their professional expertise, so why would you, unless you have a reason to think you know better, in which case why hire them? Second, if you can somehow NOT give your therapist power over you, that's good for you, but I, for one, literally failed not to. If I could have prevented ex-T from affecting me to the extent she did, then I'd most likely not need therapy in the first place. And I know that I'm not alone with that. |
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#34
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Poohbah
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#35
I brought it up via email immediately after our last session. I said that knowing that he had 2 daughters and a wife (who happens to be a therapist and whose professional webpage I liked) gave him more credibility when I was choosing a therapist. He wrote back saying he understood why that would be. So it’s on the table. I haven’t fully figured out why I liked those things about him. I suppose it made him feel safer?
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Poohbah
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#36
Well I guess I dislike the idea of my secret searches being accidentally discovered. That’s what would happen if I accidentally let it slip. I’d like to control that information, so it seems like my best option is to just choose to tell him what I’ve found. Even then, I likely won’t tell everything I’ve found out about him.
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Poohbah
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#37
I stopped googling my T for pretty much the same reason. I felt guilty when I did it and like I'd say the wrong thing and he'd know. So I just went in and said "I googled you and found out where you went to college and I feel bad about it," and we talked about that. I think it's totally natural to be curious about your T and look them up, but I hated feeling guilty or like I had to be careful what I said.
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Lrad123
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Poohbah
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#38
Regarding the power imbalance in therapy, I suppose we could have a whole thread on that. My T and I have been talking about it a bit lately. I don’t typically rely on others in my life too much, so being in the role of relying on my therapist feels like I’m giving him power and that is uncomfortable for me.
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#39
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Poohbah
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#40
Yes, I think that’s it. I’ve been seeing my T for 2 years and consciously I think he’s trustworthy, but on an unconscious level I probably don’t trust him yet. I can’t force it to happen. My T says it can take a loooooong time. I wonder if it’ll ever happen. I wonder if some people can just jump right in and trust.
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