[MatBell]

I walked out on my t about 2 weeks ago. Haven’t heard from her since. I feel a bit let down. I have seen her for 2-3 years. I don’t know if I want to contact her anyway. Maybe this is the opportunity to move on, like ripping off the bandaid, without the difficult goodbyes after having known someone for so long. Not sure yet..

[toomanycats]

As much as it sucks (trust me, I know from experience), it's standard practice for a T not to "pursue" a client - not to call or anything if a client walks out - because that can be considered pushing therapy on an unwilling participant. I'm sure if you reached out, she'd still be there. But, it's hard. i know. And it's normal to WANT them to reach out - for that to feel like care and this to feel like abandonment.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by toomanycats

As much as it sucks (trust me, I know from experience), it's standard practice for a T not to "pursue" a client - not to call or anything if a client walks out - because that can be considered pushing therapy on an unwilling participant. I'm sure if you reached out, she'd still be there. But, it's hard. i know. And it's normal to WANT them to reach out - for that to feel like care and this to feel like abandonment.

I second this.

[Omers]

My T’s greatest fear when I started with him was that I would leave and not contact him. Now, knowing him a year, it was an honest deeply felt fear of his not some BS T game. He has invested a lot in our work too and truly cares. If I ran out he would not call or come after me but he would feel scared for my safety, bad about what ever happened to get me so upset and he would grieve the loss. I know it is not my job to take care of him but I would at least call or email, let him know I was safe and if was OK or not for him to reply.

[SlumberKitty]

This would be difficult for me as well. I can understand wanting you T to reach out to you. I can also understand that T's don't go chasing after clients. It is the client's choice to come or not come, to schedule an appointment or not schedule an appointment. I can see both sides, of wanting closure and a goodbye and just wanting to walk away from it all. Maybe make a pros/cons list to help you decide whether you should contact T or not. And if you do, it's totally okay to say, I felt let down that you didn't contact me after this happened. HUGS Kit

[sophiebunny]

I ran out hysterically crying on my psychiatrist once in the middle of a full trauma reaction. He didn't call me. He did call my therapist. Clever.

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by MatBell

I walked out on my t about 2 weeks ago.

Technically speaking, I suppose, it is you who abandoned her.

Not that I am saying she would be "feeling" abandoned, of course. But it is you who walked out of the "relationship."

It is up to you to "walk back".

[kaleidoscopeheart]

I agree that it sucks but what everyone said is correct, she is probably hoping you will contact her. I would encourage you to explore why you walked out, maybe reach out to her to let her know you are ok, and maybe even look at past relationships and see if this is something that has replayed before. I’ve done the walking out, quitting with no contact thing, and always ended up going back. I have this run away so you can chase me and show me you care thing though and it has taken me a long time to get to the point where I realize that I don’t need to do that and others can care without chasing after me.

[MatBell]

Originally Posted by kaleidoscopeheart

I agree that it sucks but what everyone said is correct, she is probably hoping you will contact her. I would encourage you to explore why you walked out, maybe reach out to her to let her know you are ok, and maybe even look at past relationships and see if this is something that has replayed before. I’ve done the walking out, quitting with no contact thing, and always ended up going back. I have this run away so you can chase me and show me you care thing though and it has taken me a long time to get to the point where I realize that I don’t need to do that and others can care without chasing after me.

Yes I have the same issue. I’m really bad at saying goodbye, for instance. So I just sneak away. I guess I’m aftaid of being rejected/ignored.

In this case I walked out because she wanted to call my family because she was worried. I said no, but she still was about to do it.

[sarahsweets]

Hey @MatBell
What made you walk out?

Originally Posted by MatBell

I walked out on my t about 2 weeks ago. Haven’t heard from her since. I feel a bit let down. I have seen her for 2-3 years. I don’t know if I want to contact her anyway. Maybe this is the opportunity to move on, like ripping off the bandaid, without the difficult goodbyes after having known someone for so long. Not sure yet..

[toomanycats]

@Amyjay that is literally what my therapist would say lol - that I am the one who abandoned him. And, it's true... makes you think

[Xynesthesia2]

Were you considering terminating therapy, or was it more an impulsive, momentary reaction to something but you still want to work with her? If the latter, I would definitely think it's better to contact her and figure it out. If you do want to terminate but feel ambivalent about it, maybe just send her an email or text saying so and also tell her you don't want to go back just to discuss this. I think it is perfectly okay to say goodbye to a T via email/text and also just ghosting. They must experience it all the time.

I don't know if most Ts would not contact a long-term client if they disappeared though... I more tend to think most wold reach out some to say they are still open, just not push it. If they push it, that's more of an issue (I had one of those). Can it be that the T also sensed that you could stop therapy at this point, or at least with her?

[*Beth*]

I can definitely understand why you feel abandoned.

My guess is that many T's wouldn't contact a patient who ran out for the reasons others have stated (ethics).

That said, I did have a therapist contact me after I had seen her for 2 sessions. I just didn't feel like she was a good fit, cancelled the third session without an explanation (it was awkward). She called to ask if I was okay and wondered why I had cancelled.

I cannot imagine my current T - or at least the office aid - not calling to check on me. That said, since you actually ran out of session the situation might be handled differently.

Whatever the case, I would feel as you do. However, I think it would be a good idea (since you've been in therapy with her for a long time) to set up an appointment to discuss the situation.

[MatBell]

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia2

Were you considering terminating therapy, or was it more an impulsive, momentary reaction to something but you still want to work with her? If the latter, I would definitely think it's better to contact her and figure it out. If you do want to terminate but feel ambivalent about it, maybe just send her an email or text saying so and also tell her you don't want to go back just to discuss this. I think it is perfectly okay to say goodbye to a T via email/text and also just ghosting. They must experience it all the time.


I don't know if most Ts would not contact a long-term client if they disappeared though... I more tend to think most wold reach out some to say they are still open, just not push it. If they push it, that's more of an issue (I had one of those). Can it be that the T also sensed that you could stop therapy at this point, or at least with her?

It was impulsive. I don’t know if I want to go back. I both want to and don’t want to. Maybe it’s a good opportunity to leave it behind me and start afresh. I knew leaving would be difficult no matter what, and that I had to at some point. Maybe now is as good a time as ever..

[MatBell]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I can definitely understand why you feel abandoned.

My guess is that many T's wouldn't contact a patient who ran out for the reasons others have stated (ethics).

That said, I did have a therapist contact me after I had seen her for 2 sessions. I just didn't feel like she was a good fit, cancelled the third session without an explanation (it was awkward). She called to ask if I was okay and wondered why I had cancelled.

I cannot imagine my current T - or at least the office aid - not calling to check on me. That said, since you actually ran out of session the situation might be handled differently.

Whatever the case, I would feel as you do. However, I think it would be a good idea (since you've been in therapy with her for a long time) to set up an appointment to discuss the situation.

I agree. But I’m so bad at saying goodbye and leaving in a good way. I have always just sneaked out the back and just left for good.

Also, I think going back would just “suck me into it“ again, making me feel as if I need her and can’t live independently without her.

[Xynesthesia2]

Has this therapy been helping you, in general and more recently? Do you feel you need it? If yes, and if you can afford it, maybe go back and just pick up where you dropped off, I wouldn't believe you owe the T any explanation if you don't want. But if it hasn't been helpful and you are just unsure, maybe take a longer break and see how you feel later.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by MatBell

I agree. But I’m so bad at saying goodbye and leaving in a good way. I have always just sneaked out the back and just left for good.

Also, I think going back would just “suck me into it“ again, making me feel as if I need her and can’t live independently without her.

Oh, I so well understand...I'm the same way. Of course, that's the purpose of therapy, and change is hard and uncomfortable. I truly hope you'll tell her what you've told us. Even print out what you've written. Because that's where your self-work is.

[Mopey]

I don't know, Mat. This doesn't sound to me like the best way to terminate what has been a caring and nurturing relationship. Leaves both of you wondering, it seems to me....