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Default Sep 03, 2019 at 05:08 PM
  #21
Completely unrelated to anything going on at the moment: ATAT, would you be willing to provide a list of your previous Ts' nicknames and reasons for same? I am repeatedly amused and curious about your nicknaming process.
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Default Sep 03, 2019 at 05:16 PM
  #22
Also unrelated: came across this comic in a book I'm reading ("Trauma Stewardship" by Laura van Dernoot Lipsky -- I'm actually finding it a teensy bit helpful) and thought y'all might also get a giggle out of it.

Couch 204: The Refactorable Couch
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Default Sep 03, 2019 at 05:23 PM
  #23
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Originally Posted by chihirochild View Post
Completely unrelated to anything going on at the moment: ATAT, would you be willing to provide a list of your previous Ts' nicknames and reasons for same? I am repeatedly amused and curious about your nicknaming process.
Well, No. 1, No. 2, and No. 3 are pretty boring. Just the order I saw them in.

Smaug, the evil psychiatrist, because she was a dragon.

The psychiatrists after her, both male, were Dr. Hot (I think?), Ethical Psychiatrist, who moved to another job, and Dr. Semi-Hot, Presumably Ethical Psychiatrist.

I haven’t nicknamed the current psychiatrist. Yoga Pants? She always wears them.

Dr. Biker Chick (DBC): insisted on being called Dr. [first name], very into motorcycles

Marshmallow: seen briefly, she was a flake and all puffy physically (not fat, puffy, if you know what I mean)

Cactus Woman: pictures of cacti all over her website

Flower Pants: always wore flowered pants like the three times I saw her

Piaf: French, and an old pic on her website made her look like Edith Piaf

Info: big typo on her paperwork, in a word all caps and bolded yet, INFORMATINO
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Default Sep 03, 2019 at 05:27 PM
  #24
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Well, No. 1, No. 2, and No. 3 are pretty boring. Just the order I saw them in.

Smaug, the evil psychiatrist, because she was a dragon.

The psychiatrists after her, both male, were Dr. Hot (I think?), Ethical Psychiatrist, who moved to another job, and Dr. Semi-Hot, Presumably Ethical Psychiatrist.

I haven’t nicknamed the current psychiatrist. Yoga Pants? She always wears them.

Dr. Biker Chick (DBC): insisted on being called Dr. [first name], very into motorcycles

Marshmallow: seen briefly, she was a flake and all puffy physically (not fat, puffy, if you know what I mean)

Cactus Woman: pictures of cacti all over her website

Flower Pants: always wore flowered pants like the three times I saw her

Piaf: French, and an old pic on her website made her look like Edith Piaf

Info: big typo on her paperwork, in a word all caps and bolded yet, INFORMATINO


Omg thank you. Made my day.
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Default Sep 03, 2019 at 05:34 PM
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What modality was your previous therapist? How does your experience of their approaches differ?
Ex-T was mainly CBT and stuff like that. Ex-MC was psychodynamic and kinda worked that way in marriage counseling (and with me).

Ex-T didn't seem overly helpful in many areas. Ex-MC was very healing and understanding regarding stuff like my childhood, feeling a void inside me, etc. He was extremely accepting of me (up until the rupture), pretty much no matter what I did or said. Which was very different from my childhood experience, where I felt quite judged and that love was more conditional. I often long for a T like that. But I also became very attached to him, like much more intensely than to my current T. And so I worry if I had an individual T like that, I'd latch on like a leech and never want to leave. But at the same time...maybe I need that healing experience in individual therapy? I don't know... Like... maybe I need healing stuff. Then could go back to this T (or someone else) and do the other work. Like: Step 1: Healing. Step 2: Become stronger and more self-sufficient. I feel current T is trying to skip step 1.
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Default Sep 03, 2019 at 05:36 PM
  #26
I've been having vertigo for two days now. I've had it twice before in my life.

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Default Sep 03, 2019 at 05:40 PM
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Ex-T was mainly CBT and stuff like that. Ex-MC was psychodynamic and kinda worked that way in marriage counseling (and with me).

Ex-T didn't seem overly helpful in many areas. Ex-MC was very healing and understanding regarding stuff like my childhood, feeling a void inside me, etc. He was extremely accepting of me (up until the rupture), pretty much no matter what I did or said. Which was very different from my childhood experience, where I felt quite judged and that love was more conditional. I often long for a T like that. But I also became very attached to him, like much more intensely than to my current T. And so I worry if I had an individual T like that, I'd latch on like a leech and never want to leave. But at the same time...maybe I need that healing experience in individual therapy? I don't know... Like... maybe I need healing stuff. Then could go back to this T (or someone else) and do the other work. Like: Step 1: Healing. Step 2: Become stronger and more self-sufficient. I feel current T is trying to skip step 1.
Former T was very healing. I stayed with her 10 years. I would have stayed with her forever had she not gotten ill. Yes I was very attached. Healing is good but IMHO it can be very hard when to know when to move on to the next step. HUGS Kit

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Default Sep 03, 2019 at 05:48 PM
  #28
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I guess I just do not see why it has to balance? I mean, Info won’t go all gooey on me about how she cares (the woman can learn) but she will say “I felt attacked when you said x like that.” To me it’s useful information, not a negative reaction (and I can see why she feels attacked when I think about it) and it’s helped me irl a bit. Like, do you think maybe other people feel manipulated by you? If not, it’s not useful information for you, if yes it could be.

I see it as a friend’s job to tell you the first, and also the second, but I don’t see it as the therapist’s job to tell you the first at all, nice as that might be. I see their job as a lot closer to telling you the second, though maybe not so directly as he does. When did he say “you’re being manipulative”? I remember him saying “I felt manipulated,” which is different, and takes responsibility for his own feelings.

Piaf once told me to quit being the therapist, to stop asking about her negative reactions to me. It annoyed me at the time but in retrospect I think she was right. Exploring his negative reactions from the pov of understanding his feelings seems pointless. That’s about him, not you. Exploring your negative reactions to him is much more on point.

By now it’s pretty clear you don’t want what he has to offer as a therapist, so why not move on? It’s a pain to start again but I would not say he has been unuseful to you.
These are some good points. I said today to him that I'm torn between the fact that I'm not used to being in relationships where someone is brutally honest with me (T: "I try not to be brutal." Me: "OK, fully honest."), so I don't know if this is normal and something I just need to deal with . But it's also something that really hurts sometimes, like I can feel much worse after things he 's said to me (not difficult topics in therapy--not expecting them to be a bed of roses--but things he's said to me). I have no idea what the line is. Like helpful but painful vs. just hurtful.

And as for the manipulative thing, this is what he said in the email: "I do not appreciate your comment of 'I need to find someone who will'. It's not the first time you have made a comment of this kind, and I interpret it as a threat and manipulative." Bear in mind, he knew I was feeling
Possible trigger:
when he wrote that. I know he shouldn't handle me with kid gloves, but I mentioned again today how it might not have been the right time to tell me that, how he could have just told me next session when I was more stable. He agreed with that and...I think apologized? sorta?

I think he's very much been useful to me. I've made lots of progress in certain areas (he agrees with this). But I wonder if I've just hit a brick wall with him, that to move forward, I need someone else. Even...I could potentially see someone else for some stretch of time then go back to him (he's said in the past that he'd be fine with this, that I could go elsewhere, then come back at any time). Like I just wonder if some part of me needs healing or attention or whatever that T can't/isn't skilled enough/isn't willing to give me right now before I can really move forward. Hoping the consulting T I'm seeing Friday can help me figure that out (and perhaps I could even see her longer term, too).
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Default Sep 03, 2019 at 05:50 PM
  #29
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I've been having vertigo for two days now. I've had it twice before in my life.

You should get checked out by doctor or urgent care center. Could be ear infection or something else going on with your ear (my mother-in-law had something happen with...some tiny crystal thing in her ear shifted and she had really bad vertigo). Hugs...
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Default Sep 03, 2019 at 06:11 PM
  #30
@@-how was work?
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Default Sep 03, 2019 at 06:14 PM
  #31
LT, I guess I am not sure it’s a two-step process, healing and then progress. I think it’s an all-mixed-together process. And I’m not sure it’s so much healing in the sense of wholeness as scarring over.

Also it sounds like what you’re saying you need is a therapist to kind of reparent you. Definitely not Dr. T’s wheelhouse.
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Default Sep 03, 2019 at 06:15 PM
  #32
I'm such a noob. I paid a lab bill twice! Thankfully they sent me back a refund check.

In other news, I get to bring my dog to therapy with me! She used to come with me when I saw ex-T. T's building didn't allow dogs, so I stopped bringing her. But I just found out that L's office is pet friendly. I'm so happy for her to get to meet my Anya.

And this Sunday is my niece's 2nd birthday party. I can't wait to see her again! And my other niece who I only saw at the hospital when she was born. It's been 6 months

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Default Sep 03, 2019 at 06:17 PM
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@@-how was work?
Today was my easy one-small-language-class day. So okay. Even got to the gym for the fourth day in a row.

Tomorrow are the big classes, including the one with the problem student. Whom the colleagues I consulted think should be removed for being disruptive, but there are several steps to go through first.
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Default Sep 03, 2019 at 06:23 PM
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And I’m not sure it’s so much healing in the sense of wholeness as scarring over.
This resonates with me so much.

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Default Sep 03, 2019 at 06:26 PM
  #35
The couple of times the first woman said things like she felt like she was being attacked (not exactly her word I don't think but something close to it) - I told her good because I was attacking her because she had attacked/humiliated/tried to trap me. I wasn't sorry. It wasn't an accident.
She stopped saying that sort of thing to me.

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Default Sep 03, 2019 at 06:28 PM
  #36
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Today was my easy one-small-language-class day. So okay. Even got to the gym for the fourth day in a row.

Tomorrow are the big classes, including the one with the problem student. Whom the colleagues I consulted think should be removed for being disruptive, but there are several steps to go through first.
Bummer about steps - I agree he must go. Actually it sounds like he needs to go away and mature before coming back.
Bad Lads Boot Camp.

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Default Sep 03, 2019 at 06:29 PM
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I've been having vertigo for two days now. I've had it twice before in my life.
Oof vertigo is awful, you have my sympathy
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Default Sep 03, 2019 at 06:30 PM
  #38
How long is the process to have him removed? A week? 2 weeks? I mean I assume something like that would need to move rather quickly?
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Default Sep 03, 2019 at 06:38 PM
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How long is the process to have him removed? A week? 2 weeks? I mean I assume something like that would need to move rather quickly?
Dunno. First step is to contact the disability center to see if they can do anything even though he isn’t registered. They haven’t gotten back to me yet. Then, the department’s head academic adviser. Then the chair.

And I also have to warn him he’s in danger of removal.
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Default Sep 03, 2019 at 06:41 PM
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The couple of times the first woman said things like she felt like she was being attacked (not exactly her word I don't think but something close to it) - I told her good because I was attacking her because she had attacked/humiliated/tried to trap me. I wasn't sorry. It wasn't an accident.
She stopped saying that sort of thing to me.

I really think maybe my T isn't used to me standing up for myself, at least as forcefully as I did today. I usually back down much earlier and defer to him. But today I didn't. I stood my ground. I told him how things he'd said had bothered me. I said he'd hurt me. I'm not sure he knew how to deal with that, with my standing up for myself and not giving in.
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