Couch 204: The Refactorable Couch

I think that's cute.

Shows that he's willing to sit and try to find out how best to help you.

Sample marked passage:
How does he see me? I feel a bit like a bug under a magnifying glass. Also, surely I'm not the only reason he's reading this book. He's indicated before and outright said recently that I have more trauma than any of the other clients he's ever seen. I have a really, really hard time believing that. In 12 years? Seriously? I keep meaning to ask him about that statement, but it feels like a really uncomfortable thing to bring up on my own.

Cross-posting from LT's thread:
Thanks for all the support! May share more later about my (not really planned) termination session with...ex-Dr. T (?). Saw M today for 90-min intake. Went well, I felt relatively comfortable with him (even shed a couple tears, which never happens in a first session with someone), he seemed to ask some good questions and was quite engaged. Gonna see him again next week, he asked if I would be willing to agree to work together for a month, because that's about how long it can take to see if it's a good fit. So I agreed to try that, but told him still seeing K tomorrow to process ex-Dr. T stuff (it was really too late to cancel on her...). He was OK with that, I said was to help process some of that so I don't bring it all in there. Was making sure at end he's OK working with me, too, because we covered a lot of different stuff today. He is. He's also still under supervision, which honestly, is probably a good thing (he's not that young, he taught high school art before going back to school to be T). And he doesn't really like using email (which actually sort of relieved me--he's saving me from myself!), but OK with phone at times. And what did he say when I left? "Take care." Stupid ex-Dr. T... (No handshake, but I'll ask him if he's open to that in future. And he stood and walked me into the hall. Though I still managed to wander into the kitchen in my attempt to find my way out of the office...

The table next to me had pens, tissues, his card, some tree thing that looked like a temporary tattoo, fidget toys, and...mints. Guess trying to be prepared for any situation? The table by him had what appeared to be some sort of squishy zombie figures.

Hugs, WFS...they can be really slow-growing at times. I hope it's at an early stage.

My understanding is that they are overtreating it (surgery and radiation) because they are finding it more thru bloodtests. That may be just in the USA. My knowledge is usually correct in this area

Anecdotally, my ex-FIL had it twice and as far as I know, he's still kicking. I'm sorry you have new stuff to pile on your plate.

PSA!!!

My grandfather had it too and recovered fully.

I called my insurance and got a list of MD's and PDOC's that are currently accepting new patients and who specialize in depression. I'm just not sure if I should call yet, or wait to see if the business is going to be sold, or if it is if they are going to get a new PDOC. On the other hand, I don't want to be without a PDOC. This is all very stressful.

Psa about psa!

Personally I think it would be best to get the ball rolling as soon as you can rather than waiting especially as you've been struggling so much already.

This is stressful. I don't like it.

Your more than just being a trauma case.
Could you email him saying what you've typed here.

Well, somebody likely has to have that dubious honor. And why not you?

I don't find it hard to believe he might have chosen a book hoping it would help him help you. C's longtime therapist went and got trained in neurofeedback, invested in the whole setup with computers and everything, hoping to help her (because C just couldn't seem to tolerate any sort of talking about trauma). I do think they sometimes do that. Is it just for you? Well, it might be yes and no. C's longtime therapist always said she had learned so much about how to help other people from working with her. So you might be his primary concern when he undertakes something like reading a book, but I expect he hopes that the knowledge he gains will be something he can add to what he can offer other figurative people who might end up needing it, too.

Well, I'm seeing him 4 times this week because trauma, I guess. Maybe I'll bring this up today. I really wonder what his other clients come to see him about when he says stuff like this. I wasn't abused as a child, other than one instance of SA by a neighbor that was mostly my fault. He thinks my parents didn't provide what I needed emotionally, which he calls non-recognition trauma. My parents were doing the best they could.

It is difficult when T's compare you to other clients. Like ex-DrT saying how I think about therapy more than any of his other clients. How I use email differently than any of them. How I was the first (in >15 years) to request a transitional object. It made me feel like a weirdo. So I get it. I imagine your T is trying to be validating, to let you know he understands how much you're going through. But I also see how it could feel judgmental or like you're this special case. I'd talk to him about it.

If you needed to see T 5 times a day or even twice a day it would still be okay.You need as much support as you need.

I'm sorry you had to go through that, but SA as a child is NEVER your fault. A child has no real concept of consent and what they may be coerced into going along with. It doesn't just have to be violent in order to still be abuse.

Your parents may have done their best, but not having emotional needs met as a child would still be painful.

I don't feel any ill feelings about him saying that, I just don't believe him. Although, I don't know why he would lie about it either. One thing he said recently made me think though. He said I've not had anyone recognize the things that were going on (speaking about my relationship) even me. I wonder if what he's defining as trauma is just, to me, stuff that happened that hurt. For example, I guess I always viewed that incident as kind of "well, that happened". I didn't really process it. I remember being angry about it and the next day smashed the offending object on the sidewalk enough to bend the pointy end making it unusable and the new house rule was objects of this class were no longer allowed in the house. But really, that was quite scary. I'm pretty sure my therapist counts that as trauma. I'm not sure that I would have called it that before talking with him about it.

T is going into semi-retirement. He hinted that I was one of the deciding factors between semi-retirement and full retirement.

@NP_Complete - One of my favourite quotes from Peter Levine, who developed Somatic Experiencing therapy goes like this: 'Trauma is not an event. It is what we hold inside in the absence of a compassionate witness.' I'm not sure I go as far as saying it's not an event, because it always starts with something.