[SummerTime12]

I just sent my t an email of all the feelings and thoughts I’ve had pent up the past few weeks, and it was LONG af. Kinda freaking out now as I’ve never done anything like this before and it was completely random. I hope he doesn’t freak out. I left our session today upset and didn’t even say bye or acknowledge him when I left (also never done before). I’m afraid of what he’s going to think when he opens the email.

[kumy]

Hi, SummerTime.
I'm sorry that you're feeling in distress about this. I don't know your T's outside contact policies, but usually Ts are pretty much understanding and they realize that, sometimes, it's easier to write about our feelings (in contrast to speaking about them). It's okay to let him know how you feel and what you think if you do it for the sake of sharing.
Maybe, in the future, you can write the email and withhold it for, say, 3 hours and, then, if you still feel like it, you can send it. Or you can try journaling and showing T the entries at the beginning of the session.
But I don't think that an email will change the relationship that you both have in any way, neither will it change his opinion about you.

[maybeblue]

Been there, done that...like 3 days ago. But worse, I felt guilty about 2 minutes after I sent the email so I wrote another one to apologize and it ended up being just about as angry. I decided I sounded crazy enough, so I didn't send a third one to apologize for the first 2.

Really though I think they have to be used to it. Therapy stirs up a lot of feelings even in the best of times and sometimes they do make mistakes.

[SummerTime12]

Ugh. He replied. Noting bad, but I feel like I’m about to lose my s***. I’m texting the crisis text line but I don’t know if I can do this. I pretty much told him I want to die and can’t fight anymore in the email and he “strongly suggested” another appointment this week.

[maybeblue]

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

Ugh. He replied. Noting bad, but I feel like I’m about to lose my s***. I’m texting the crisis text line but I don’t know if I can do this. I pretty much told him I want to die and can’t fight anymore in the email and he “strongly suggested” another appointment this week.

I'm sorry. I hope things get better, and it sounds like he does want to help.

[Misterpain]

Originally Posted by maybeblue

Been there, done that...like 3 days ago. But worse, I felt guilty about 2 minutes after I sent the email so I wrote another one to apologize and it ended up being just about as angry. I decided I sounded crazy enough, so I didn't send a third one to apologize for the first 2.


Really though I think they have to be used to it. Therapy stirs up a lot of feelings even in the best of times and sometimes they do make mistakes.

I know about 8 gazillion T (occupational hazzard) I have never had one "freak out" over a client writting them ,its a double edge sword, understanding people are individuals ..

A. We are going to assume your therapist new you where stirred up, that sucks ,and hurts ,but hey this is what you hired him to do?

B. Most times I have heard something that shocked them it was because in written word there's alot exchanged that sometimes a client will disclose a deeper vulnerability in writting long before they ever would talk about in session, so even if you sound like a manic meth smocking California raisin send those letters , hint : its always easier to ask forgiveness for what's done , then to ask permission to do it !.

Done this loads of times. In my head it feels huge. Whrn the reply comes, it isn't. She seems to contain all my emotions in the most gentlest of ways.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

I've also done this but tend to use text. I think the suggestion to wait a certain period of time like a few hours is a very good one. I've sometimes written draft texts and then later on realised I've stabilized and don't need to send it. Other times I still need to and that's ok as well.

[MoxieDoxie]

I have sent a many venting emails. Used the crisis chat line and the chat line on NEDA. I have learned to write the emails and keep it as a draft and sit on it for a while until I feel more like an adult and less like a wounded child.

[LonesomeTonight]

Hugs, I hope you're OK, Summer. My T responded poorly to a crisis email recently as well. (Hm, I guess he's my ex-T now, as I told him yesterday I'm taking an indefinite break...that email was sort of the last straw of issues/misunderstandings in our relationship.)

[SummerTime12]

Thank you all for the support. I emailed him back (to his email suggesting we schedule another session this week) with this:

“Thank you, I would like to set up an appointment for Wednesday but I don’t even know if I can stay safe from now til then. I know I don’t have the courage to make myself go to the hospital but that’s really the only option.”

He emailed back this morning to see how I am and if I went to the hospital. I then wrote back saying I hadn’t, but was still debating because things haven’t improved. Nothing back from him yet. I’m afraid he’s fed up with me and not pushing the hospital because he actually hopes I die so he doesn’t have to deal with me anymore. I feel so guilty for asking for his help and for being such a difficult client and liability.

[LonesomeTonight]

I'm sure he wouldn't hope that you die. I imagine he's just been seeing clients and hasn't had a chance to reply. I hope you can stay safe.

[SummerTime12]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I'm sure he wouldn't hope that you die. I imagine he's just been seeing clients and hasn't had a chance to reply. I hope you can stay safe.

Thanks LT. I’m sure that’s why he hasn’t replied (I think he’s booked all day), but I meant it more about him not really pushing for the hospital or safety measures in his other emails. I can’t really look at this objectively though, so maybe he is handling it fine and I didn’t really say how much of a crisis it is?

[SummerTime12]

He hasn’t replied. Not even to acknowledge that he offered an appointment today and I said I’d like to schedule for today.

[SalingerEsme]

Summer, stay safe! Your T would be heartbroken and crushed if something happened to you, and he has shown over and over how much he cares. I bet he is wrestling with if he has to make the decision for you yet wanting to give you personal freedom of choice & keeping your trust. He is holding his breath not wanting to make a mistake. In my experience of having a good friend who is a T, her biggest nightmare is losing a patient. We all care about you so much here too. Be safe, stay safe.

[SummerTime12]

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

Summer, stay safe! Your T would be heartbroken and crushed if something happened to you, and he has shown over and over how much he cares. I bet he is wrestling with if he has to make the decision for you yet wanting to give you personal freedom of choice & keeping your trust. He is holding his breath not wanting to make a mistake. In my experience of having a good friend who is a T, her biggest nightmare is losing a patient. We all care about you so much here too. Be safe, stay safe.

It’s just weird because he offered his availability and I said I wanted to set up for Wednesday (today) and then nothing from him about that? The appointment would have been at 3pm, which is 3 hours from now, so idk if he just forgot to schedule me or what. It’s not like he just hasn’t had a chance to email me, because he did email me back, just nothing referring to confirming/scheduling a session. Now we have nothing scheduled going forward, and I don’t want to contact him and be like um.. did you forget you offered me an appointment? Because I already feel really annoying for having emailed him before.

[SalingerEsme]

Call him? You need your appointment . Maybe he assumes you're coming?

[SummerTime12]

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

Call him? You need your appointment . Maybe he assumes you're coming?

I think he’s in session now. It would be in 15 minutes but I’m like right by his office so I don’t know what I should do. I don’t want to just show up and look desperate. I don’t think he’s assuming I’m coming because he typically sends me an email confirming to schedule, and then I always get an automatic email from the scheduling platform. I didn’t get either. I think he just didn’t schedule me at all.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

I'm so sorry Summer, I would be horrendously upset in your shoes. Maybe your T forgot that you wanted an appointment today? I'm sure there's an explanation and it isn't that he doesn't care. If you don't feel able to phone (which is understandable - I don't think I could) maybe see if he realises and emails you later today or tomorrow, and if not could you email him again and say how hurt you are about this. I know you don't want to feel a burden though. It's so tough, but I really hope he has an explanation. Please stay safe.

[SummerTime12]

Originally Posted by Lonelyinmyheart

I'm so sorry Summer, I would be horrendously upset in your shoes. Maybe your T forgot that you wanted an appointment today? I'm sure there's an explanation and it isn't that he doesn't care. If you don't feel able to phone (which is understandable - I don't think I could) maybe see if he realises and emails you later today or tomorrow, and if not could you email him again and say how hurt you are about this. I know you don't want to feel a burden though. It's so tough, but I really hope he has an explanation. Please stay safe.

My logical brain tells me he probably does still care, but I don’t feel it at all. 20 minutes past when the session would’ve started and nothing. I feel so f****** stupid for reaching out for his help now. I work right by his office, so I stayed out here instead of going home, thinking maybe he’d remember or something. I reached out to him when I was suicidal and then he offers me an appointment and I say I want to schedule it and he forgets about me. I feel so worthless.