What does therapy attachment look like?

I was reading another post on here and was curious if we can define what the various attachment styles look like in therapy.

For example, someone who is securely attached to their T tends to feel ____ when their T goes on vacation and does ______ when they come back. Or something like that.

Any takers?

Secure
Anxious-preoccupied
Dismissive-avoidant
Fearful-avoidant

I was anxious when I begun with T.
I'm now secure.

I think it's quite self explanatory which each would feel like.
. when T used to be on a break, my life stopped. All I could think about was her. A mixture of anger/depression and deep fear.

Secure: I miss her. But thsts the price we all pay in relationships. Missing is what holds people together.
My life continues. I'm not preoccupied or anxious in the least.
I think back on our work together at times during the absence, but that's with fond thoughts.

I have secure attachments. What did that feel like in therapy?

1. I never really gave "attachment" or "abandonment" a thought. Ever. It simply wasn't an issue to even give time to.

2. I was comfortable with changes in schedules, routines, locations, etc. Change is normal.

3. I never worried about how my therapists felt about me. I rarely had swings in my own feelings toward my therapist. The relationship was a very steady, consistent one. Therapy really wasn't about "the relationship" anyway.

4. I was able to trust my therapists and be open with them almost immediately.

5. Vacations were also just a normal break. I tended to consider it a vacation for myself also. I never had trouble managing during their time away. I had a plan just in case (contact my pdoc if needed, but it was never really needed.) When they returned from vacation, we touched base about how vacation went (like, Did you have fun? What did you see? etc.) and then we got right back to work pretty much like the break never happened.

6. When I was ready to end therapy because I felt comfortable managing life on my own without the support of a therapist anymore, that was just a natural transition without any drama -- no need for a long ending process.

i am fearful avoidant, or so it seems when i take the tests or read descriptions.

when my therapist goes on vacation i feel very abandoned and alone, but i don't want to let him know. i pretend like i am fine with it. i want him to think i am okay and don't need him.

then, if i inadvertently show some sign of distress about him leaving, i apologize for being too needy and express anxiety to him about feeling like i need him and not wanting to feel that.

the longer we have worked together the more i feel attached and also the more likely i am to tell him that i don't want him to leave instead of hiding it. but at the beginning of my attachment to him, i would play it cool and just be like, whatever, even though i really missed him and was upset.

and also when he comes back i am usually calm and act like nothing happened, even if when he was gone i was in high distress and even if i told him i didnt want him to go and felt he was abandoning me.

Ooh interesting. I have no idea what my attachment style is.

I am avoidant with most people. With my T I'm the opposite. I felt strongly about him from the beginning and have been really open about it. I'm terrified that being honest about my feelings will make him pull away. When he shows that he cares, I'm scared of what it means. I overanalyze it.

When he goes on vacation I'm sad, but I pretend to be excited. I want to think of 100 ways to make legitimate excuses to contact him, but I never would.

When we fight I'm in distress. We don't fight often though, because I can tell when he's getting a little upset and I'm practicing skills such as I statements.

I am not really attached to my therapist. Saying that I do like her. But I don’t give it two thoughts about vacations. People go on vacation. It’s normal

Saying that, if I have good providers who provide excellent service I hate changing them.

I’ve had the same hair dresser, gyn, dentist, car dealership, nail technician for years. If they move their work place I follow them. I drive far to see them. I’d not switch. I don’t know if it’s attachment, more like appreciating good service.

In the past 20 years I went to a different hair dresser once because mine was on vacation and I had to go to a wedding. She butchered my hair. It was awful. So never again.

I am not interested in switching my t. She is good. But I don’t miss her. Same like I don’t miss my dentist but I’d be upset if my dentist retires because she is top notch. That’s how I look at it

I don't understand how one gets attached to a therapist. They are just a stranger you hand money to once a week (or however often one goes to their office). They are other. They aren't real people in one's life

My attachment style is dismissive avoidant.
When my T goes on vacation I am thankful for the opportunity to focus on other activities for a while.
When she returns I am a bit blasé about seeing her again. That's the avoidant side of me not wanting to dive back in to the hard stuff.

When I asked T if other clients, feel as I do. She said no. I asked why? She says because they haven't had the history I've had.
So we all go to therapy and are where we are.
Trying to big yourself up because you don't have intense feelings is in itself a gaping wound you yourself are viewing.
Hanging around a forum to just big yourself up at the expense of others is sad.

I have insecure/preoccupied/anxious attachment (in general). In therapy, this looks like:
--I worry about abandonment
--I want to be fully accepted
--I feel the need for regular reassurance that the relationship is OK
--If T says something that could possibly seem like rejection or like they're annoyed with me, I worry
--I like when I feel really connected to a T but then it also scares me because I worry it could go away.
--If they go on vacation or cancel a session at the last minute, it's difficult for me and feels a bit like abandonment
--I have issues with object permanence so like to reach out to be reminded they're still there/thinking of me.

When the woman went on vacation I thought good I am saving money and when she returned I usually had an internal debate about whether to go to another appointment or not because therapy was not useful in helping me for what I hired one for at all. It was not un-useful for venting and grief when someone I deeply loved got very sick and died. But even then, the actual therapist did not matter - it was not the specific woman that was useful in and of herself.
I am not saying people shouldn't be attached to a therapist if they want, just that for me, I don't know how it would have occurred. I do get attached to those who I find are a real part of my life. For me, a therapist was never that - they were just a stranger I handed money to for rent). I am not passing judgment on others who find therapists attachable or who find it useful - I just don't understand it. For me, it would not have been useful.
To each their own said the old lady when she kissed the cow. (a favorite saying of my grandmother - a woman to whom I was very deeply attached).
I would think it all depends on what took someone to try therapy, what they wanted out of it, etc.

I was very attached to former T. Not so much with current T. When former T went on vacation it was a horrible time for me. I worried constantly about car crashes and plane crashes and if she would be okay. I worried that she would forget about me. I worried she would like vacation so much she would retire. I had trouble feeling connected to her. I didn't feel secure about our relationship that it was strong enough to hold onto me during the times she was away. When she returned from vacation, I would feel dissociated for a while, and have trouble connecting. Eventually though we would connect and everything would feel good again. I miss former T.

Just a comment, : --I have issues with object permanence so like to reach out to be reminded they're still there/thinking of me. By Lonesome Tonight...part of me feels this only to then get pissed off at my self for it. And then go into different modes of thinking....i get angry at her, i get angry at myself. I dont want to talk to her. I get mad when i realize what she is doing and get mad at myself for it. DID sucks

I have been attached to every t I've seen but in different ways as obviously each t is different and so the relationship is different. What t brings out in me is different. But overall I think with each t I've been trying to meet a need that wasn't met in my childhood as my parents and family were emotionally unavailable to me. The intimacy and intensity of the therapeutic relationship taps into that and I start obsessing about the t and wanting to be near them all the time. I also get very jealous of other clients and people in t's life. I have noticed myself becoming more securely attached over time and especially with current t, who is incredibly safe and boundaried, but I still struggle with wanting to be close to her and feeling jealous, so it's a work in process. I believe that eventually I won't feel so empty inside and I will feel safer inside myself.

It looks like trouble.

And feels like purgatory.

I have disorganized attachment so I can oscillate between extreme fears of abandonment (doesn't help I was just terminated which deeply impacted me) and being completely cold and shut off towards another. It is like a war in my mind. It gets so loud.

I'm not sure which attachment style would fit me, I also don't think it's a constant thing for me. Most often I'd say I'm somewhere around anxious-preoccupied.

With my T it's slightly different though.
I'm very attached to my T, but at the same time, I feel I can function without him. If he takes time off (and tells me beforehand) or if he had some expected thing happen that made him not be able to see me anymore, that is/would be fine. I'm actually not bothered by vacations at all (which kind of surprises me). With most other people I've known where there was a similar level of intimacy, I'd be stressed by these times.
I am, however, very scared of 'surprises', especially somebody just leaving without prior warning, without me being aware it might happen. That is something I worry about a lot, get afraid of and so on. Though by now the only thing I think I couldn't handle would be T suddenly not wanting to work with me anymore, which I really can't see happening.
I'd probably define the attachment I have with my T as secure with lots of trauma involving abandonment mixed in that makes it hard to know how I really feel about the relationship sometimes.

I vacillate between dismissive avoidant (that is a bit stronger) and fearful avoidant. When my T goes on vacation it doesn't bother me much. She usually only goes away for a week at a time, so its only one missed session.

Generally I have a mixed attachment style. With most T’s I have been fearful-avoidant cowering in the corner of the chair, feeling I have to show up, glad when they are away and afraid they hate me more when they come back. One T I was dismissive avoidant of and we didn’t last long.

Current T would probably call me anxious preoccupied but for me the attachment is one of the most secure I have had. Yes, I email him and think about him a lot between sessions as he is my only true support. However, this week he is away and my anxiety is no greater over the two week stretch than our normal one week... just more impatient abot getting to work on some things. I will be happy to see him when he returns and will have no fear or concern that he suddenly hates me. I know he will come back, I know there will be another hug. I know I can tell him anything without fear of rejection. I know I can count on him 100% for unconditional positive regard and love.

When you write powerful New year's letters to your treatment team and they aren't acknowledged. I communicate best through writing. Having those letters not acknowledged was very painful. I put into those letters a lot of myself, this year's highlights, and my gratitude for their care. Silence. I cried a lot this New Years. I think that's when you know you are too attached. When you cry through Rosh Hashanah because you didn't get a response to a letter. It's a wake-up call. Being bonded sucks.