The Failure(s) of Therapy - What needs to change and why?

I think the basic underpinnings are flawed and the basic relationship dysfunctional and exploitive. I struggle to comprehend how the practice became so accepted. I don't accept that a purchased, contrived, often demeaning relationship can be a healthy model for anything.

As for helpers/experts... I like interacting with people who are able to admit they don't know anything, and aren't certain of anything. People who are always preaching and giving advice are not only insufferable but usually know far less than they think, and do all that preaching because it fills some gaping hole on their insides. Or because they are super-narcs who need constant adulation.

Imagine the hubris of believing you are an expert in conducting human relationships, such that you can instruct anyone who shows up. Oh man, that is someone I do not want inside my head.

Therapy seems to be both a magnet and a breeding ground for problematic personality traits.

Not sure I see the point of trying to reform the system. Feels similar to a victim in an abusive relationship trying to get the abuser to come around.

Well said Budfox!

It’s also hard to succeed in therapy without the right meds, and we need the same controls on that plus at least the 50 min sessions we once had. All the so called awareness doesn’t do much good without the basics. There is no common sense about this .

The relationship is just so convoluted. It was helpful to me for awhile, when it wasn't I'd take breaks, but now it's just so damn painful and there's no longer any benefit to make the pain "worth it" even with breaks, yet I can't seem to extricate myself from it. I love her but I hate her but I love her and I just want OUT.

This is one thing I really dislike about therapy is that it can be addictive. People often describe it as attachment, that it reflects unmet needs, and discuss it like a good thing to work on in therapy, but my opinion is that it's often more like an addiction that has no benefits and only cause pain that would not exist outside of therapy. I found therapy addictive myself and it was definitely not attachment to a person, I am also not someone who had an uncaring childhood, significant long bad relationships, or similar. But I am prone to some addictions. I simply like the stimulation and/or instant but very transient effect on my mental state, and the escape thinking and talking can provide from truly dealing with important things.

I really believe that therapy, with its unnatural structure, can create a parallel universe and problems for some people that would not be without. And then the Ts reinforce it and encourage to stay forever to "work through it". This is something that should really change IMO, and part of how it could change is if the Ts would not put so much emphasis on the T-client relationship as material to work with. I've seen many clients who like to do that, but things do not really seem to change for years, still the same feelings and topics. Is that therapy successful, I don't know. Maybe successful in other ways but there is a serious side effect.

I have experienced the problematic personality traits , and yes , you will never get an abuser to come round. I've been left feeling profoundly sad by it , because they undermine the ones who help people so much ( which I have also experienced ) ironically , both within the same setting. I can only shake my head.

Thank you. I resonate with so much of what you said! Especially the serious side effects.

I'm pissed at myself that I told her I would come today but I don't want to now. I wish I had canceled when there was still the required 48 hr notice. I feel so pathetic!!!

@ArtieSwimsOn you are not pathetic! Please don't beat yourself up. HUGS Kit

Maybe you're stronger than you feel? A mistake, or a weakness recognized, does not mean it's there forever? Hope you can use the session for something that will feel more positive for you. If not, "this too shall pass (but not soon enough)". Please let us know how it goes.

My mind keeps returning to this point:

I was blind to a lot about human nature, mine and other people's, when I first went to therapy. And I don't think therapy helped me a lot to learn and accept it much, either. I think I bought the kool-aid -- again, somewhat in my own defense, I was young to begin with :

I was desperate, and numbed out, and started out young, and hopeful. . .And naive (and numbed out, or in denial) about basic human nature, mine and others. And it seemed like therapy was the socially authorized "treatment" for my depressed, socially anxious, sometimes dysfunctional self. . .so -- I went. And believed. And "did the work", etc.

Society, and people, need something better. Something that accepts basic human nature to start out with, if that's possible, not a contrived "relationship". Social acceptance and support in the business of living, from a group of people in a social environment that is not excessively naive or dysfunctional, is probably the best, and most natural, help. But where, and how, in today's world can people in trouble and distress find that? I tried all kinds of support groups in or allied with the mental health system (NAMI, 12-step for those without addictions, etc.) without a lot of luck. The best has been the informal group I'm in now, that I just lucked into.

Reporting back: my session this evening went better than I expected. she said that she got it, that I'm "cooked" and I told her that this back and forth, this merry go round i've been on, i'm tired of it, it's exhausting. she said she understood and i told her i realized that i kinda blindsided her with this last week. she admitted that she had been surprised. she evidently dealt with her feelings about me terminating and i couldn't have asked for a better send off. I feel very relieved, and very lucky. and very free.

For me, the trouble with therapy began with the entire paradigm, an accredited "expert" pretending to guide me in improving a life they really didn't witness. The subordinate, placating person in the consulting room met poor consequences with these traits in the outside world. But no therapist saw this much less guided me into doing anything about it. (I only made some changes with age and experience.)

Therapy was in fact the opposite of what I needed. I needed more autonomy and competence. Therapy left me feeling inferior and enfeebled.

I don't see how their remote, removed abstracted construct possibly could have helped me with my self-sabotage I received much better insights from friends and co-workers from real life.

Today I am feeling overwhelmed by all the abuse I've experienced in therapy, as well as all the testimonies and insights shared from fellow survivors and professionals.

My heart is heavy today. I just want to give up. You know? Like what is the point fighting all of this when abuse has become so normalized? When so many abusers are out there and there is so much resistance to changing and exposing it...

I am heartbroken as !&$% today.

So heartbroken I've been fighting off suicidal thoughts and plans... I want to help you all so much. I want to help others so much and I am so burdened by trauma at the hands of therapists I can barely find the energy to get my homework done. I can't eat, can't sleep, can't trust, can't take risks... I am scared of the world. I just want out of this hell so I can love again and I want to help so many people and hold abusers accountable.

This world makes me sick. Today is that day.

Therapy is a very dangerous environment. It should be marketed as such and pamphlets should be placed in every therapy clinic for survivors of abuse in therapy.

I hope to God that humans start to shape up. The pain and suffering out there is breaking my heart. So many people are being abused and no one can do anything about it.

No human being should be granted the power that is afforded to therapists.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

I completely relate to how you feel. There is the learned helplessness that we can't do anything about it. In my case , I'm resilient so I'm still here , but I know deep down , at some point , a Coroner will be looking at something that should have been looked at much earlier. I can see it coming. It makes me very sad.

It makes me wonder how many have lost their lives to incompetent or corrupt therapists...

I did lose someone I knew slightly a year ago. There has just been the inquest. They just repeated the same things that also resulted in a death two years previously that the Coroner had identified then. And they still didn't learn a thing.

...This is heartbreaking...

Are you saying two people have lost their lives to an unethical healthcare professional?

Professionals , plural , Yes , they have.

I am so sorry...

This is heartbreaking to hear. So they filed complaints and nothing was done? Perpetrators were not help accountable?

I am heartbroken by this...

Thanks,
HD7970ghz