Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLII

SummerTime12 · Oct 10, 2019 at 06:07 PM

Good to know it was always just about the money. I mean it makes sense, but still... good to know. So pissed at myself for ever letting myself believe you cared.

SummerTime12 · Oct 10, 2019 at 06:08 PM

And I’m even more pissed at myself for being this distressed over it. Your opinion shouldn’t even matter to me.

puzzclar · Oct 10, 2019 at 08:02 PM

I don't want to stay safe! Why did I have to tell you my plan. Just send me to IOP!

SummerTime12 · Oct 10, 2019 at 08:14 PM

Lol this is almost funny to me. [/trigger] I emailed you saying I’m extremely suicidal and you ignored it, probably thinking I’m exaggerating and you’ll just reply in the morning. Nope, not exaggerating. Also, don’t plan to be here in the morning. [trigger]

08:36 PM

t wtf just happened???!!!! I am so sorry. I feel like I hurt you and I hate that feeling. Especially when I said to you out loud "I'm sorry" before I left and you just said "mmhmm". And because you pretty much kicked me out of there at 50 minutes and we always go for an hour. I feel absolutely miserable. what the **** am I supposed to do with these feelings?! what?! But this is exactly WHY i needed to stop. don't you see?! I want so much more from you than i can ever have and that's just ****ing everything up!! I can't keep trying to work with you. because every few months the same damn thing would happen. Not that you would ever let me come back now anyway

velcro003 · Oct 10, 2019 at 08:50 PM

aww Artie I am sorry your session didn't go well

velcro003 · Oct 10, 2019 at 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

Lol this is almost funny to me.

Possible trigger:

I emailed you saying I’m extremely suicidal and you ignored it, probably thinking I’m exaggerating and you’ll just reply in the morning. Nope, not exaggerating. Also, don’t plan to be here in the morning.

(I fixed your trigger warning for you)

Please stay safe. PM me if you want someone to talk to.

Oct 10, 2019 at 09:25 PM

L, my heart feels shattered and I am broken.

Oct 10, 2019 at 10:08 PM

i wish i had the words to help you understand the way i feel

twice a week would only make things worse
weekly was hard enough
you can't see that though why can't you see that
why couldn't you understand what i was trying to say
i hope you will read my email pathetic as it is
it explains better than i did in your office earlier
omg i

am
broken

zoiecat · Oct 10, 2019 at 10:23 PM

Thanks for allowing me to have a lighter session today yet still giving me new opportunities to work on for improvement. I really needed a break from EMDR. I know you are always working hard on the goal of improving my life. Also, thank you for gently helping me admit the issues I need to overcome that require your help even though I always want to do it on my own.

Lonelyinmyheart · Oct 10, 2019 at 10:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

Lol this is almost funny to me. [/trigger] I emailed you saying I’m extremely suicidal and you ignored it, probably thinking I’m exaggerating and you’ll just reply in the morning. Nope, not exaggerating. Also, don’t plan to be here in the morning. [trigger]

Please go to a crisis centre if you need to...I'm so sorry you feel so rejected by your t. You will get through this, you will find people who care about you and it will be easier. Please dont throw your life away over one person. Msg me if you need to, I care.

Oct 10, 2019 at 10:38 PM

please forgive me

Oct 10, 2019 at 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

Lol this is almost funny to me. [/trigger] I emailed you saying I’m extremely suicidal and you ignored it, probably thinking I’m exaggerating and you’ll just reply in the morning. Nope, not exaggerating. Also, don’t plan to be here in the morning. [trigger]

stay safe summertime please talk to us

Lonelyinmyheart · Oct 10, 2019 at 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

t wtf just happened???!!!! I am so sorry. I feel like I hurt you and I hate that feeling. Especially when I said to you out loud "I'm sorry" before I left and you just said "mmhmm". And because you pretty much kicked me out of there at 50 minutes and we always go for an hour. I feel absolutely miserable. what the **** am I supposed to do with these feelings?! what?! But this is exactly WHY i needed to stop. don't you see?! I want so much more from you than i can ever have and that's just ****ing everything up!! I can't keep trying to work with you. because every few months the same damn thing would happen. Not that you would ever let me come back now anyway

Oh no, I feel your pain. Could your t not cope with your feelings? I agree it's not likely to help seeing her more often at this point. Not surprised you feel distraught after wanting so badly to work with her on leaving. I'm so upset for you that she couldn't hear your pain.

UpDownMiddleGround · Oct 10, 2019 at 10:56 PM

I have decided that I don't like EMDR anymore. It takes the pain away, but it takes emotions and memory with it.

I get angry at you sometimes when I want to escape. Once upon a time, I could disappear into a world of darkness without even knowing that I'd left the room. Now I can't escape. I just have to sit in my misery -- in the present.

I don't want to be on meds anymore. I think I will stop. I don't think I'm going to adjust well to my new pdoc so I want to remove the need to go and see him. I don't really like change.

Sometimes I REALLY don't want to be here and I don't want your help to keep me here.

Oct 11, 2019 at 06:43 AM

Maybe you said one too many times that this work was only about me - when I actually made it only about me and tried to tell you how I was feeling it all went to hell so that tells me it wasn't only about me, was it. So I had to get out. I had to.
But I still love you.

Oct 11, 2019 at 07:55 AM

You were everything to me. I was wrong to let that happen.

Oct 11, 2019 at 08:12 AM

You don't even know how badly I want you to respond to my email but I know in my heart you won't. What the **** happened though? I didn't mean to make you hate me. ****.

Lemoncake · Oct 11, 2019 at 08:47 AM

Possible trigger:

I passed oncology with an A.

1 month till my next psychiatry exam.

puzzclar · Oct 11, 2019 at 09:54 AM

I don't want to go to th clubhouse. I don't want to share where I am. I'm not following the plan. I don't want to stay safe. Just don't leave on vacation. I know you said I can call to get you but I don't want you to go.

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLII

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SummerTime12 Grand Member Member Since Mar 2013 Location: USA Posts: 876 11 601 hugs given	Oct 10, 2019 at 06:07 PM #41 Good to know it was always just about the money. I mean it makes sense, but still... good to know. So pissed at myself for ever letting myself believe you cared.

SummerTime12 Grand Member Member Since Mar 2013 Location: USA Posts: 876 11 601 hugs given	Oct 10, 2019 at 06:08 PM #42 And I’m even more pissed at myself for being this distressed over it. Your opinion shouldn’t even matter to me.

puzzclar Elder Member Since Jan 2010 Location: Where? US Posts: 5,621 14 101 hugs given	Oct 10, 2019 at 08:02 PM #43 I don't want to stay safe! Why did I have to tell you my plan. Just send me to IOP!

SummerTime12 Grand Member Member Since Mar 2013 Location: USA Posts: 876 11 601 hugs given	Oct 10, 2019 at 08:14 PM #44 Lol this is almost funny to me. [/trigger] I emailed you saying I’m extremely suicidal and you ignored it, probably thinking I’m exaggerating and you’ll just reply in the morning. Nope, not exaggerating. Also, don’t plan to be here in the morning. [trigger]

velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Oct 10, 2019 at 08:50 PM #46 aww Artie I am sorry your session didn't go well

Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Oct 10, 2019 at 09:25 PM #48 L, my heart feels shattered and I am broken.

Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Oct 10, 2019 at 10:08 PM #49 i wish i had the words to help you understand the way i feel twice a week would only make things worse weekly was hard enough you can't see that though why can't you see that why couldn't you understand what i was trying to say i hope you will read my email pathetic as it is it explains better than i did in your office earlier omg i am broken

zoiecat Grand Member Member Since Apr 2017 Location: USA Posts: 916 7 409 hugs given	Oct 10, 2019 at 10:23 PM #50 Thanks for allowing me to have a lighter session today yet still giving me new opportunities to work on for improvement. I really needed a break from EMDR. I know you are always working hard on the goal of improving my life. Also, thank you for gently helping me admit the issues I need to overcome that require your help even though I always want to do it on my own.

Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Oct 10, 2019 at 10:38 PM #52 please forgive me

Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Oct 11, 2019 at 06:43 AM #56 Maybe you said one too many times that this work was only about me - when I actually made it only about me and tried to tell you how I was feeling it all went to hell so that tells me it wasn't only about me, was it. So I had to get out. I had to. But I still love you.

Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Oct 11, 2019 at 07:55 AM #57 You were everything to me. I was wrong to let that happen.

Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Oct 11, 2019 at 08:12 AM #58 You don't even know how badly I want you to respond to my email but I know in my heart you won't. What the ** happened though? I didn't mean to make you hate me. **.

Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,692 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Oct 11, 2019 at 08:47 AM #59 Possible trigger: I passed oncology with an A. 1 month till my next psychiatry exam. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."

puzzclar Elder Member Since Jan 2010 Location: Where? US Posts: 5,621 14 101 hugs given	Oct 11, 2019 at 09:54 AM #60 I don't want to go to th clubhouse. I don't want to share where I am. I'm not following the plan. I don't want to stay safe. Just don't leave on vacation. I know you said I can call to get you but I don't want you to go.