Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLII

Echos Myron redux · Oct 11, 2019 at 11:03 AM

Is this just a waste of f***ing time?

Oct 11, 2019 at 11:14 AM

I can't say enough times how sorry I am for what happened yesterday, for hurting you. I am going to sit down after work today and write about it and hopefully use this experience to learn from, grow from. I can't undo the hurt I caused. All I can do now is move forward and hopefully be a better person. I love you so much and I always will.

LostOnTheTrail · Oct 11, 2019 at 11:32 AM

I won a writing competition today - don't think I've had that experience since I was a kid. Feels pretty good.

Oct 11, 2019 at 12:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

I won a writing competition today - don't think I've had that experience since I was a kid. Feels pretty good.

Hey that is great! Congrats.

Oct 11, 2019 at 12:31 PM

Thank you for calling me. (My email was pathetic, though.)

Lonelyinmyheart · Oct 11, 2019 at 12:35 PM

I'm feeling incredibly low. I know part of it is SAD again due to the weather, but also being physically worse which messes with my emotions. I just feel so empty, like my life is useless. I feel so lonely inside too. Im not sure if that will ever change. I can't imagine living with someone again after so long and I have no desire to find a relationship. I just miss you T, but don't feel able to text because the more vulnerable I feel, the harder it seems it is to make contact with you. I think I need to cry it all out but I wish I was with you.

Lemoncake · Oct 11, 2019 at 01:54 PM

I start my new block for peds on monday, and according to the 6th year students even the the classes for that aren't exactly as how they're written on our timetable.

For onco we were also told different times to come in depending on the lead teachers preferences. It could be a 2 hour class- 3 no idea.

Think it's a good time to take a break anyway.

P.s I'm still mad at you for going away.

nottrustin · Oct 11, 2019 at 05:08 PM

Please let this be the one weekend you check your work phone.

LonesomeTonight · Oct 11, 2019 at 06:29 PM

Dear T,
Really struggling with the stuff with D...last night was a rough night. I could have emailed you, but then I wasn't sure what you could say that would help? Beyond what you'd said in session. I wish one of the T's would get back to me about a possible appointment for her. Maybe I need to contact some others....I just don't want every night to be like that. I need sleep. H needs sleep. D needs sleep.
Love,
LT

SoAn · Oct 11, 2019 at 06:37 PM

I will probably never say it, but - sometimes, you look so sad yourself. If I were to describe how it honestly feels to me, I would say you look as if (a part of) you died inside. It seems like a deep pain that has gone numb that can never be undone.

(Sometimes you look alive, caught up in something, and loving, too - that's where my feelings begin)

08:42 PM

I just realized something. the disaster that was my session yesterday did do one thing. it solidified in my mind that I don't want to do this anymore. I agreed to come next week to talk about my pathetic email because I need to try to put some closure to the past 8 years. I want a freaking do-over of yesterday!! I have no desire whatever to do therapy about our relationship. No. I have spent enough money on this. 7 of the 8 years I have been paying out of pocket and that's a lot of money. I will come next week and seek closure but that is all. I wish you would get supervision for this. I really do.

atisketatasket · Oct 11, 2019 at 07:38 PM

Dear Info,

You’re right, I just have to shake my head at their stupidity and self-delusion and remember it is not my problem.

It’s just I hate needless idiocy.

ATAT

Oct 11, 2019 at 08:16 PM

I wonder how much of this goes back to that "You don't know me" comment you made months ago. I am thinking that is where the erosion started. I never quite got over it.

puzzclar · Oct 11, 2019 at 08:22 PM

I need you! I'm sorry I didn't answer. Help me get a med provider, there's a problem with Vraylar!!

susannahsays · Oct 11, 2019 at 09:18 PM

I can't believe you suggested I go to the bacon festival. What's wrong with you!

velcro003 · Oct 11, 2019 at 11:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

I wonder how much of this goes back to that "You don't know me" comment you made months ago. I am thinking that is where the erosion started. I never quite got over it.

Artie: Have you ever talked to your T about this comment and how it really made you feel?

Oct 11, 2019 at 11:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

Artie: Have you ever talked to your T about this comment and how it really made you feel?

Only a little. I've tried so hard to let it go because part of me can understand why she said it. It's on my agenda for next week though.

atisketatasket · Oct 12, 2019 at 12:12 AM

Dear Info,

I think we need to have another talk about that person next time. I know how to deal with malignant narcissists (flee). How do you deal with a narcissist who isn’t malignant because they’re just too damn self-absorbed to have any kind of intentions towards other people?

Maybe things will settle down with them before I see you again. And I do have four days off.

ATAT

captgut · Oct 12, 2019 at 01:08 AM

Happy Birthday! I love you

kaleidoscopeheart · Oct 12, 2019 at 05:08 AM

Dear T,

Sometimes I worry that I feel too much when it comes to you. I know if I let myself I would be overwhelmed with my feelings and would struggle with depending on you too much.... Sometimes it’s hard to keep this balance and I just want to let go and feel all the feelings for you. Ugh. Life is hard.

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLII

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Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,160 6 1,833 hugs given	Oct 11, 2019 at 11:03 AM #61 Is this just a waste of f***ing time?

Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Oct 11, 2019 at 11:14 AM #62 I can't say enough times how sorry I am for what happened yesterday, for hurting you. I am going to sit down after work today and write about it and hopefully use this experience to learn from, grow from. I can't undo the hurt I caused. All I can do now is move forward and hopefully be a better person. I love you so much and I always will.

Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Oct 11, 2019 at 12:31 PM #65 Thank you for calling me. (My email was pathetic, though.)

nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Oct 11, 2019 at 05:08 PM #68 Please let this be the one weekend you check your work phone. __________________

SoAn Member Member Since Sep 2019 Location: Europe Posts: 120 4 84 hugs given	Oct 11, 2019 at 06:37 PM #70 I will probably never say it, but - sometimes, you look so sad yourself. If I were to describe how it honestly feels to me, I would say you look as if (a part of) you died inside. It seems like a deep pain that has gone numb that can never be undone. (Sometimes you look alive, caught up in something, and loving, too - that's where my feelings begin)

atisketatasket Child of a lesser god Member Since Jun 2015 Location: Tartarus Posts: 19,146 (SuperPoster!) 8 12.4k hugs given	Oct 11, 2019 at 07:38 PM #72 Dear Info, You’re right, I just have to shake my head at their stupidity and self-delusion and remember it is not my problem. It’s just I hate needless idiocy. ATAT

Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Oct 11, 2019 at 08:16 PM #73 I wonder how much of this goes back to that "You don't know me" comment you made months ago. I am thinking that is where the erosion started. I never quite got over it.

puzzclar Elder Member Since Jan 2010 Location: Where? US Posts: 5,621 14 101 hugs given	Oct 11, 2019 at 08:22 PM #74 I need you! I'm sorry I didn't answer. Help me get a med provider, there's a problem with Vraylar!!

susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Oct 11, 2019 at 09:18 PM #75 I can't believe you suggested I go to the bacon festival. What's wrong with you! __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold

captgut Grand Poohbah Member Since Jan 2017 Location: Here Posts: 1,731 7 1,505 hugs given	Oct 12, 2019 at 01:08 AM #79 Happy Birthday! I love you

kaleidoscopeheart Member Member Since Apr 2017 Location: Parts Unknown Posts: 333 7 77 hugs given	Oct 12, 2019 at 05:08 AM #80 Dear T, Sometimes I worry that I feel too much when it comes to you. I know if I let myself I would be overwhelmed with my feelings and would struggle with depending on you too much.... Sometimes it’s hard to keep this balance and I just want to let go and feel all the feelings for you. Ugh. Life is hard.