Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLII

Lemoncake · Oct 08, 2019 at 10:08 AM

Anything you would like to say to your therapist, big or small... post it here.

puzzclar · Oct 08, 2019 at 11:58 AM

Thank you for answering the phone call last njght! Still in a low space, and can't feel anything, don't want to study, which is a problem. Why???? Why do I have to be so low??

junkDNA · Oct 08, 2019 at 12:24 PM

You know , the worst part is that to me, my whole world Is breaking down. Just ... devastated right now. I left work and didnt tell anyone. I'm not safe

But to you....its so insignificant . A mild annoyance, like swatting a fly out of your face .

You will never know the depths of my grief. My greif about YOU. About the last decade of therapy with YOU

well, is this finally it . You were so different 2 months ago. So compassionate and caring, you were THERE. Now ? It's a 180° turn again . I should have expected this. You turn from hot to cold so much

I am confused by this convoluted relationship.

I hope to have the strength to just not go back

I dont even want closure . Because I know this means nothing to you. That I'm just a desperate piece of **** , an annoying fly In your face.

God theres so many memories. What do I do with them all?....

comrademoomoo · Oct 08, 2019 at 12:25 PM

I see you have updated your LinkedIn profile. What a hoot. "Experience and understanding of working with ... " Oh my sides. "Experience of winging it" is more accurate.

Lemoncake · Oct 08, 2019 at 02:01 PM

Actually I am mad at you. I can't even like your stupid picture cause we're not friends on facebook, ( you have that other girl who gave you a review on your list)

Therapy is stupid.

My brain is effed and I only have two days left until friday.

But I know if I did email you, you would still reply despite being away.

I just hate being so weak in this need for you.

nottrustin · Oct 08, 2019 at 02:13 PM

For a couple of months your profile on PT said your practice was completely full. Now it does not say that. I wonder if it is the normal coming and goings of therapy clients or is something else going on. Why does it matter to me??

Out There · Oct 08, 2019 at 02:13 PM

I still might have seen that as positive if you hadn't done something so stupid , thoughtless and hurtful. Idiot.

blackocean · Oct 08, 2019 at 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

You know , the worst part is that to me, my whole world Is breaking down. Just ... devastated right now. I left work and didnt tell anyone. I'm not safe

But to you....its so insignificant . A mild annoyance, like swatting a fly out of your face .

You will never know the depths of my grief. My greif about YOU. About the last decade of therapy with YOU

well, is this finally it . You were so different 2 months ago. So compassionate and caring, you were THERE. Now ? It's a 180° turn again . I should have expected this. You turn from hot to cold so much

I am confused by this convoluted relationship.

I hope to have the strength to just not go back

I dont even want closure . Because I know this means nothing to you. That I'm just a desperate piece of **** , an annoying fly In your face.

God theres so many memories. What do I do with them all?....

What’s going on with you and your t?

puzzclar · Oct 08, 2019 at 10:31 PM

I know you care but I don't. I don't want to tell you everything.....

Possible trigger:

I still want to die. I'd prefer to not say it but I know you'll get it out of me. Why can't I keep my big fat mouth shut! Or my face from smiling when you do something funny. Or rather say something. But it doesn't change the fact that I still don't want to be around anymore.

I hope in less than 48 hours something changes. That is when I'll see you again. And I hope pdoc can do something to actually help.

Lemoncake · Oct 09, 2019 at 06:04 AM

Possible trigger:

I just got off a 8 min phone call with my mother. My father was shouting in the background for most of the entire thing. With a lot of swearing at my mother. He was called by the tax office and needs to pay around £1000 back.

Over payments and under payments happen all the time, so I don't think it's a big deal. I can pay it off directly for him when they send him written confirmation of the amount- but what just got me is how bloody scary his stupid rants would have been to a child to witness. I'm not even there but I did feel huge waves of anxiety.

I've actually lost count of the number of times the police were called to the house.

I can't ever imagine you losing your cool like that. I don't think you would ever beat and degrade your wife like that. Your house actually feels like a home.

Ho hum exam on friday.

puzzclar · Oct 09, 2019 at 07:59 AM

Possible trigger:

I looked at something I shouldn't have! Ahhh do I have to go through this s***! I'm not one to swear yet that's how down I am, last the point of caring.

Lemoncake · Oct 09, 2019 at 11:43 AM

I'm sorry but I'm still going to cancel our next session- despite you answering my email.

I don't need anymore therapy.
I don't need anymore therapy.
I don't need anymore therapy.

junkDNA · Oct 09, 2019 at 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blackocean

What’s going on with you and your t?

Its possibly the end of my decade long psychotherapy with my therapist (we shall see tomorrow.... )

Or

It's just another elaborate paranoid delusion my brain has crafted for me ...... again.

But I guess we will see tomorrow

Of course I am going back. Of course .

SummerTime12 · Oct 09, 2019 at 12:30 PM

Are you gonna reply to that email from yesterday? I kind of want to know if this is done or you’re still suggesting we talk about a solution..

puzzclar · Oct 09, 2019 at 03:14 PM

I want to hear from you!! I don't know if taking the time off will be effective.

Echos Myron redux · Oct 09, 2019 at 04:51 PM

Argh I feel so sad. So much left unsaid. So much I need to know but don't know if I want to know. If what I suspect is true, I wonder why you want to communicate it to me? Is it conscious? It must be, right?

SlumberKitty · Oct 09, 2019 at 05:00 PM

Dear T: I have no idea what to talk about tonight. I'd really rather just go home and sleep but I don't want to pay for a missed session so I'll show up. Maybe we'll just talk about work.

blackocean · Oct 09, 2019 at 05:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

Its possibly the end of my decade long psychotherapy with my therapist (we shall see tomorrow.... )

Or

It's just another elaborate paranoid delusion my brain has crafted for me ...... again.

But I guess we will see tomorrow

Of course I am going back. Of course .

I hope all is ok. Hugs

SummerTime12 · Oct 09, 2019 at 06:37 PM

I for real need you to reply. I had mentally prepared myself to not be able to go to therapy for a while, but then you suggested maybe we could talk to figure something out. And now you’re now responding.. so I have no idea what’s going on. I’m fine either way, but I just need to know, because not knowing is making me feel like s***.

puzzclar · Oct 09, 2019 at 07:46 PM

I was driving when you called... and I answered but didnt' say how I was.

Possible trigger:

I really meant to tell you everything but then you threw in the I Think you should take 10 days off. I was a little mad when I saw that I'll be missing an important training. but I have to say it's not the end of the world yet. And now I want to call because you know what all these triggers... that's right sui thoughts. Too bad, I don't si. then you for sure would place me in a hospital.

If only you knew.

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLII

My Support Forums

Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,691 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Oct 08, 2019 at 10:08 AM #1 Anything you would like to say to your therapist, big or small... post it here. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."

puzzclar Elder Member Since Jan 2010 Location: Where? US Posts: 5,621 14 101 hugs given	Oct 08, 2019 at 11:58 AM #2 Thank you for answering the phone call last njght! Still in a low space, and can't feel anything, don't want to study, which is a problem. Why???? Why do I have to be so low??

comrademoomoo Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: Toodlepip Posts: 1,711 5	Oct 08, 2019 at 12:25 PM #4 I see you have updated your LinkedIn profile. What a hoot. "Experience and understanding of working with ... " Oh my sides. "Experience of winging it" is more accurate.

nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Oct 08, 2019 at 02:13 PM #6 For a couple of months your profile on PT said your practice was completely full. Now it does not say that. I wonder if it is the normal coming and goings of therapy clients or is something else going on. Why does it matter to me?? __________________

Out There Legendary Member Since Oct 2015 Location: England Posts: 11,355 (SuperPoster!) 8 14.6k hugs given	Oct 08, 2019 at 02:13 PM #7 I still might have seen that as positive if you hadn't done something so stupid , thoughtless and hurtful. Idiot. __________________ "Trauma happens - so does healing "

puzzclar Elder Member Since Jan 2010 Location: Where? US Posts: 5,621 14 101 hugs given	Oct 09, 2019 at 07:59 AM #11 Possible trigger: I looked at something I shouldn't have! Ahhh do I have to go through this s***! I'm not one to swear yet that's how down I am, last the point of caring.

Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,691 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Oct 09, 2019 at 11:43 AM #12 I'm sorry but I'm still going to cancel our next session- despite you answering my email. I don't need anymore therapy. I don't need anymore therapy. I don't need anymore therapy. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."

SummerTime12 Grand Member Member Since Mar 2013 Location: USA Posts: 876 11 601 hugs given	Oct 09, 2019 at 12:30 PM #14 Are you gonna reply to that email from yesterday? I kind of want to know if this is done or you’re still suggesting we talk about a solution..

puzzclar Elder Member Since Jan 2010 Location: Where? US Posts: 5,621 14 101 hugs given	Oct 09, 2019 at 03:14 PM #15 I want to hear from you!! I don't know if taking the time off will be effective.

Echos Myron redux Magnate Member Since Apr 2018 Location: UK Posts: 2,157 6 1,833 hugs given	Oct 09, 2019 at 04:51 PM #16 Argh I feel so sad. So much left unsaid. So much I need to know but don't know if I want to know. If what I suspect is true, I wonder why you want to communicate it to me? Is it conscious? It must be, right?

SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Oct 09, 2019 at 05:00 PM #17 Dear T: I have no idea what to talk about tonight. I'd really rather just go home and sleep but I don't want to pay for a missed session so I'll show up. Maybe we'll just talk about work. __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA

SummerTime12 Grand Member Member Since Mar 2013 Location: USA Posts: 876 11 601 hugs given	Oct 09, 2019 at 06:37 PM #19 I for real need you to reply. I had mentally prepared myself to not be able to go to therapy for a while, but then you suggested maybe we could talk to figure something out. And now you’re now responding.. so I have no idea what’s going on. I’m fine either way, but I just need to know, because not knowing is making me feel like s***.