Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLII

Lonelyinmyheart · Nov 19, 2019 at 03:00 PM

I'm feeling so sad. I know that you, and others, believe I'm worthy and good at certain things, but I don't feel that in my heart. To me, I'm still that clumsy stupid idiot and can't see myself any other way. I get frustrated sometimes that you don't see me that way. It's like you're seeing the false act I put on and the real me - the ugly, horrible core - is hidden from you. I want you to see it so you'll understand why I feel the way I do about myself. So you'll get it.

LonesomeTonight · Nov 19, 2019 at 03:18 PM

Dear T,
Thank you for today's session. I wasn't expecting D and my own struggles with just sort of managing lately to be the main topic, but they were. I appreciated how you were saying at the end how "we need to figure out a solution to this" and "we need to figure something out." It made it feel like you were in the trenches with me. And made me feel cared for, even loved. And you seemed totally normal to me (well. as normal as you can be!), despite what I said Friday, joking around a bit near the beginning, so that was a relief, too.
Love,
LT

Jessica Hazlitt · Nov 19, 2019 at 07:31 PM

As always just as things were improving and I was getting on top of stuff, the universe sees fit to shaft me. The stuff back home is getting more difficult and frustrating, and my little one is sick again. No sleep, no rest, I can't get out to the shops or crack on with work. I wish I could be sat on your knee having a cuddle again, even if just for some quick respite. I hope you are ok, I still worry about you (on top of everything else). Still missing you T x

atisketatasket · Nov 19, 2019 at 09:04 PM

Dear No. 3,

So I googled you. I usually get this impulse when info is being less than helpful.

And what do I find but your daughter’s video of a day in her life as a college freshman? And she’s taking Greek? Sheesh.

ATAT

goatee · Nov 19, 2019 at 09:05 PM

Please come through for me...

LonesomeTonight · Nov 19, 2019 at 09:14 PM

Dear T,
Also, maybe you can help give me the strength to delete some of the ex-MC things? Because you're right, particularly with the painful texts and emails, why am I holding onto them? Even the voice mail that was so caring...it doesn't mean the same thing anymore. Maybe I just need to release it...
Love,
LT

velcro003 · Nov 19, 2019 at 09:38 PM

T: I didn't say it, but thanks for wiling to sign up for my insurance panel for next year. You say its not a big deal, but you definitely did not have to do that.

goatee · Nov 20, 2019 at 12:14 AM

Oh T. So now we are in the middle of a rupture again. Ugh.

kumy · Nov 20, 2019 at 08:05 AM

Lately, you have not been listening to me.

LonesomeTonight · Nov 20, 2019 at 09:41 AM

Dear T,
I feel sort of awkward that you haven't replied to my emailed scheduling request that I sent yesterday afternoon, since you typically reply in the mornings before 9. I'm sure it's nothing and you're just busy, plus I'm sure it doesn't seem urgent. But I want to know when session will be so I can schedule D's parent-teacher conference (of course I didn't think to mention that in the email).

Love,
LT

LostOnTheTrail · Nov 20, 2019 at 12:10 PM

See you tomorrow. The aftermath of Sunday is something we're going to have to discuss.

LonesomeTonight · Nov 20, 2019 at 01:59 PM

Dear T,
Hope you aren’t dead.
Love, LT

LonesomeTonight · Nov 20, 2019 at 03:59 PM

Dear T,
OK good, you're alive. Glad you realized in your response that your delay in responding might have caused me stress, because it did (particularly because it was a fairly straightforward scheduling email). Though I guess you didn't look at your schedule because I'm already on there for Wednesday and I'm seeing you Friday, not tomorrow. I guess I feel sort of forgotten, which is silly. Because you were really present for me yesterday, so what more could I want? I think it didn't help that P was like 25 minutes late getting us, then canceled next week...then confirmed that D was on spectrum. So maybe I'm partly annoyed at you/feeling forgotten by proxy since your office is next to hers. Still, glad you're not dead!
Love,
LT

susannahsays · Nov 20, 2019 at 04:47 PM

I'm not happy that you are going to be unavailable for longer than usual for Christmas this year. I'm a tiny bit irrationally angry, but mostly just unhappy that you won't be available. I'm also worried that this is a harbinger of you taking more vacation generally. Last year you didn't even take all of Christmas week off. I don't think you did the year before that, either. So I felt rather shocked and blind-sided when you said you'd be taking several weeks off instead of 2-3 days. Although - at least you told me ahead of time. Sometimes you forget to tell me.

I can't even stay back home and visit with family the whole time. You know I have the stray cat which you refused to adopt to consider.

RaineD · Nov 20, 2019 at 04:55 PM

Happy birthday. I miss you.

I never did find another therapist.

But there's someone I'm going to ask soon. It could work out as long as we don't have a conflict of interest.

Mountaindewed · Nov 20, 2019 at 06:46 PM

I know I barely make eye contact in the 45 minutes I see you but when I look at you why are you staring at me and then why do you do that weird thing with your mouth where it looks like your trying to smile?

velcro003 · Nov 20, 2019 at 09:41 PM

T: I was really angry today. I haven't been that ragey in quite awhile, which led to going to the liquor store. It also was a crazy day at work, which didn't help, nor the issues with D from yesterday.

I still haven't absorbed our session from yesterday. I think the feelings went away. Bye Tornado!

SheHulk07 · Nov 20, 2019 at 11:43 PM

T,

I feel like I'm doing everything wrong, including therapy right now. I wish I didn't depend on therapy so much and it didn't affect me when you go on breaks.

WarmFuzzySocks · Nov 21, 2019 at 01:03 AM

Dear T,

You were right, all that time ago. You could see what I couldn't quite. But so was I. I could see what you couldn't.

How about that? I am right back to holding two seemingly disparate ideas side-by-side, knowing them both to be true. It seems to be the nature of my being, living in the grey areas.

Lonelyinmyheart · Nov 21, 2019 at 03:22 AM

T please please reply to my email and let me know you are okay. I've never emailed before and I can't begin to imagine how you will react to everything I have said, but right now I just need you to be okay. Please T, tell me you are alive and well.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLII

My Support Forums

atisketatasket Child of a lesser god Member Since Jun 2015 Location: Tartarus Posts: 19,143 (SuperPoster!) 8 12.4k hugs given	Nov 19, 2019 at 09:04 PM #484 Dear No. 3, So I googled you. I usually get this impulse when info is being less than helpful. And what do I find but your daughter’s video of a day in her life as a college freshman? And she’s taking *Greek*? Sheesh. ATAT

goatee Member Member Since Jan 2017 Location: Florida Posts: 322 7 567 hugs given	Nov 19, 2019 at 09:05 PM #485 Please come through for me...

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,727 (SuperPoster!) 9 74.9k hugs given	Nov 19, 2019 at 09:14 PM #486 Dear T, Also, maybe you can help give me the strength to delete some of the ex-MC things? Because you're right, particularly with the painful texts and emails, why am I holding onto them? Even the voice mail that was so caring...it doesn't mean the same thing anymore. Maybe I just need to release it... Love, LT

velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Nov 19, 2019 at 09:38 PM #487 T: I didn't say it, but thanks for wiling to sign up for my insurance panel for next year. You say its not a big deal, but you definitely did not have to do that.

goatee Member Member Since Jan 2017 Location: Florida Posts: 322 7 567 hugs given	Nov 20, 2019 at 12:14 AM #488 Oh T. So now we are in the middle of a rupture again. Ugh.

kumy Grand Magnate Member Since Aug 2019 Location: hanging from a cloud Posts: 3,002 4 192 hugs given	Nov 20, 2019 at 08:05 AM #489 Lately, you have not been listening to me.

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,727 (SuperPoster!) 9 74.9k hugs given	Nov 20, 2019 at 01:59 PM #492 Dear T, Hope you aren’t dead. Love, LT

RaineD Grand Member Member Since Aug 2017 Location: United States Posts: 950 6 962 hugs given	Nov 20, 2019 at 04:55 PM #495 Happy birthday. I miss you. I never did find another therapist. But there's someone I'm going to ask soon. It could work out as long as we don't have a conflict of interest.

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,081 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,725 hugs given	Nov 20, 2019 at 06:46 PM #496 I know I barely make eye contact in the 45 minutes I see you but when I look at you why are you staring at me and then why do you do that weird thing with your mouth where it looks like your trying to smile? __________________ Ridin' with Biden

velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Nov 20, 2019 at 09:41 PM #497 T: I was really angry today. I haven't been that ragey in quite awhile, which led to going to the liquor store. It also was a crazy day at work, which didn't help, nor the issues with D from yesterday. I still haven't absorbed our session from yesterday. I think the feelings went away. Bye Tornado!

SheHulk07 Magnate Member Since Oct 2013 Location: CO Posts: 2,305 10 871 hugs given	Nov 20, 2019 at 11:43 PM #498 T, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong, including therapy right now. I wish I didn't depend on therapy so much and it didn't affect me when you go on breaks.

Lonelyinmyheart Poohbah Member Since Jun 2019 Location: Earth Posts: 1,093 4 1,732 hugs given	Nov 21, 2019 at 03:22 AM #500 T please please reply to my email and let me know you are okay. I've never emailed before and I can't begin to imagine how you will react to everything I have said, but right now I just need you to be okay. Please T, tell me you are alive and well.