Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLII

RosyC · Dec 09, 2019 at 05:12 PM

I’m going to call and ask if you can see me. Once I’ve stopped crying. I don’t think I can deal with the rejection. You are always too busy to see me ahead of appointments. Maybe I’ll tell you it’s a crisis. You’ll make time? Is that a lie? Is this a crisis? I can’t tell where the crisis starts and where it ends. It feels like a crisis. Letting one person be the only person is dangerous. No other person is safe. Do you see my issue here? Nothing is ok.

Dec 09, 2019 at 05:53 PM

ExT still hate that i cant do christmas with you.

velcro003 · Dec 09, 2019 at 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RosyC

I’m going to call and ask if you can see me. Once I’ve stopped crying. I don’t think I can deal with the rejection. You are always too busy to see me ahead of appointments. Maybe I’ll tell you it’s a crisis. You’ll make time? Is that a lie? Is this a crisis? I can’t tell where the crisis starts and where it ends. It feels like a crisis. Letting one person be the only person is dangerous. No other person is safe. Do you see my issue here? Nothing is ok.

I think you should call, whether it is a crisis or not. Never hurts to ask.

velcro003 · Dec 09, 2019 at 09:58 PM

T: (self-hatred rant)

Possible trigger:

I hate myself.hate hate hate. I feel so offing fat and disgusting. I feel like I didn't cut enough, but am too wussy to do more. more hatred. I'm a ball of fat and its gross. why can't I go back to last summer where I lost all that weight? my mood is disintegrating, so maybe it'll happen along with that. I don't know.

RosyC · Dec 10, 2019 at 02:55 AM

Please don’t reject me! I am actually so very sorry for intruding on your life what feels like every single day at the moment! It’s a hard time of year for no actual reason! Anyway... yes, please, please don’t reject me! Oh the shame will eat me up if I think you, you who is pure and good, don’t think I’m worthy of your help.

Lemoncake · Dec 10, 2019 at 09:00 AM

If the truth be told R, I'm just sad.

Exam on thursday.

comrademoomoo · Dec 10, 2019 at 09:11 AM

For the first time, I want to cancel tomorrow due to utter boredom of this rigmarole rather than due to my ambivalence and struggle to be in relation with you. I feel drained by you, by the relationship, by myself and by the tangles of it all. I would rather stay in bed and shop online for expensive socks and hand-knitted jumpers.

Mountaindewed · Dec 10, 2019 at 03:21 PM

I know you told me not to worry about what I’m eating or my weight but I don’t want to be 180 pounds when I see the doctor on the 14th.

kumy · Dec 10, 2019 at 06:02 PM

You helped me a lot in session today. I liked the fact that you shared something personal and put yourself as an example for what we were talking about (thus, taking me off the limelight). For a minute or two, you presented yourself as a real person and not as a person that's just doing his work. You helped me a lot, but now I'm alone again, with my demons...

RosyC · Dec 10, 2019 at 06:40 PM

Today has been difficult. I feel like I’m dissolving. It’s just hit me that when I see you on Monday I won’t see you again for 3 weeks because of Christmas. I’m afraid, of course. Everything I do is wrong at the moment. So very wrong. How do I manage?

velcro003 · Dec 10, 2019 at 09:36 PM

I do not have an eating disorder. I do not have an eating disorder. I do not have an eating disorder. this is what my brain is yelling at me. today's session was sort of terrible, though I know you know that.

Dec 11, 2019 at 09:32 PM

ExT every year you tried to wish me a happy christmas and i would not respond. This christmas i want to wish you a happy christmas

Elio · Dec 11, 2019 at 09:34 PM

Yes, I was a bit alcohol impaired when you called back. I think it was good that we did not keep talking.

jrae · Dec 12, 2019 at 01:49 AM

how do I say, you need to do better with me ?!?!

better yet, how CAN I say that

Lemoncake · 12:43 PM

In today's exam I wasn't with it at all. Maybe we should have a new rule of leaving a gap between sessions and exams. Tuesday's session was just so heavy.

I counted up all the exam only subjects that i've done. Of the 23 over 5 years- I've had to retake 10 before passing the second time around. Which makes 11 now.

What do you think of me now?

comrademoomoo · Dec 12, 2019 at 10:40 AM

This love-in is nice, isn't it? Don't worry, I will £uck it up before we both get too comfortable. It is one of the few ways in which I am reliable.

LostOnTheTrail · Dec 12, 2019 at 11:13 AM

Thank you for your support today.

NP_Complete · Dec 12, 2019 at 01:44 PM

Things have gotten completely muddled in my head and I'm seriously struggling with SI. Even though you say I am, I don't feel all that welcome as your client any more. You're going away for 9 days again. It feels like you were gone not that long ago. I'm feeling really hopeless and I just want to give up. I wish our relationship felt stable again. You're never going to do anything nice for me again, are you? I hate this feeling. I hate my life. I'm sorry I was doing therapy wrong.

velcro003 · Dec 12, 2019 at 02:14 PM

T: i am starting to feel bad. SO many people have had it so much worse than me. I don’t deserve therapy.

susannahsays · Dec 12, 2019 at 04:20 PM

I hate my life.

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLII

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Anonymous42961 Guest Posts: n/a	Dec 09, 2019 at 05:53 PM #662 ExT still hate that i cant do christmas with you.

RosyC Member Member Since Jun 2019 Location: Space Posts: 73 4 11 hugs given	Dec 10, 2019 at 02:55 AM #665 Please don’t reject me! I am actually so very sorry for intruding on your life what feels like every single day at the moment! It’s a hard time of year for no actual reason! Anyway... yes, please, please don’t reject me! Oh the shame will eat me up if I think you, you who is pure and good, don’t think I’m worthy of your help.

Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,697 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Dec 10, 2019 at 09:00 AM #666 If the truth be told R, I'm just sad. Exam on thursday. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."

comrademoomoo Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: Toodlepip Posts: 1,711 5	Dec 10, 2019 at 09:11 AM #667 For the first time, I want to cancel tomorrow due to utter boredom of this rigmarole rather than due to my ambivalence and struggle to be in relation with you. I feel drained by you, by the relationship, by myself and by the tangles of it all. I would rather stay in bed and shop online for expensive socks and hand-knitted jumpers.

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,185 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,762 hugs given	Dec 10, 2019 at 03:21 PM #668 I know you told me not to worry about what I’m eating or my weight but I don’t want to be 180 pounds when I see the doctor on the 14th. __________________ Ridin' with Biden

kumy Grand Magnate Member Since Aug 2019 Location: hanging from a cloud Posts: 3,002 4 192 hugs given	Dec 10, 2019 at 06:02 PM #669 You helped me a lot in session today. I liked the fact that you shared something personal and put yourself as an example for what we were talking about (thus, taking me off the limelight). For a minute or two, you presented yourself as a real person and not as a person that's just doing his work. You helped me a lot, but now I'm alone again, with my demons...

RosyC Member Member Since Jun 2019 Location: Space Posts: 73 4 11 hugs given	Dec 10, 2019 at 06:40 PM #670 Today has been difficult. I feel like I’m dissolving. It’s just hit me that when I see you on Monday I won’t see you again for 3 weeks because of Christmas. I’m afraid, of course. Everything I do is wrong at the moment. So very wrong. How do I manage?

velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Dec 10, 2019 at 09:36 PM #671 I do not have an eating disorder. I do not have an eating disorder. I do not have an eating disorder. this is what my brain is yelling at me. today's session was sort of terrible, though I know you know that.

Anonymous42961 Guest Posts: n/a	Dec 11, 2019 at 09:32 PM #672 ExT every year you tried to wish me a happy christmas and i would not respond. This christmas i want to wish you a happy christmas

Elio ............... Member Since Sep 2006 Location: in my head Posts: 2,911 17 8,779 hugs given	Dec 11, 2019 at 09:34 PM #673 Yes, I was a bit alcohol impaired when you called back. I think it was good that we did not keep talking.

jrae Grand Member Member Since Jun 2008 Location: WYLTK Posts: 763 15 410 hugs given	Dec 12, 2019 at 01:49 AM #674 how do I say, you need to do better with me ?!?! better yet, how CAN I say that

comrademoomoo Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: Toodlepip Posts: 1,711 5	Dec 12, 2019 at 10:40 AM #676 This love-in is nice, isn't it? Don't worry, I will £uck it up before we both get too comfortable. It is one of the few ways in which I am reliable.

velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Dec 12, 2019 at 02:14 PM #679 T: i am starting to feel bad. SO many people have had it so much worse than me. I don’t deserve therapy.

susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Dec 12, 2019 at 04:20 PM #680 I hate my life. __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold