Good Therapists

Although I've had some abusive therapists in the past (which I've shared some of my laments in other posts on PC), I've also had many good short-term therapists throughout my recovery. I thought I'd share what good therapy felt like to me, and see if there are any others here who want to add to their good therapy experiences.

My in-patient therapist at the trauma treatment center was the best therapist I've had by far. He didn't act overly concerned about every negative detail that I would express about myself, but he did point out the importance of feeling safe in the therapy room, feeling safe to share, feeling safe to receive feedback, and feeling safe to work on issues that were most pressing to me. I spent two months the first time and two months the last time I was in-patient at that hospital, and both times I had the same therapist. He helped me learn about my DID condition initially, in addition to learning how to communicate with my alters via writing at first. He saw me every single day (except the days he had to go out of town for a conference), and he left me in good care with a therapist who replaced him when he was gone. He always ended our sessions with asking me three good things about myself and three good self-care things I would do that night. In addition to daily therapy while in-patient both times, we also had many different groups to attend. My therapist suggested the groups, and the therapists conducting the groups were all helpful and great. Some of the groups included relapse prevention (a form of CBT), morning goals, evening reflections, psychodrama (which I only attended the second time, not the first time), guided imagery, trauma group (which I only attended the second time, not the first time), and some other art groups like ceramics class and another art class. During my second stay there, he helped me realize that I had experienced therapy abuse when my therapist on the outside wanted a dual relationship with me. He and other staff there, including therapists, nurses, and the floor staff (non-therapists but mental health professionals of some kind) were all helpful with making me feel safe, talking to me after having a nightmare in the middle of the night, etc. My psychiatrist while I was in-patient was very helpful to me in understanding why I couldn't take certain psychotropic meds, but that I might only need certain anti-anxiety meds. Although I had a haldol shot in the buttocks during my first few days during the first time I was in-patient there, the entire staff and treatment team reminded me about how safe it was there, and about their accountability to one another. It was actually hard to leave that place both times upon discharge, but I learned a lot of skills, most notably, the internal family systems skills and relapse prevention CBT (dissociation management).

I had a really nice therapist who treated DID and other trauma-related conditions, and she did a lot of listening and asking questions. I was also asked to attend a trauma group, but I left after about a few months because I was triggered by something in that trauma group. It was a women's trauma group, but I was also going through some really difficult times with my post-bacc research assistant volunteer position with a clinical psychologist, so my survival skills were up again and it was hard not for me to dissociate often. It wasn't the group per se that triggered me, but rather the pain of going through so many things while working with a clinical psychologist in a lab (the clinical psychologist wasn't my therapist, but initially he asked me a lot of questions about my disorder and my trauma history, which I later found out through the good therapists that his requests of me as my mentor/professor were unethical, and I didn't want to believe it, and all that stuff from the therapy abuse I had in the distal past resurfaced). Anyway, my therapist at the time remained positive and helped me maintain a good working schedule while processing everything that was going on in the present time with some of the stuff that kept resurfacing in the past. We didn't get too far into treatment before I left, as I felt loyal to the clinical psychologist I was working at the time and tried so hard not to believe that my feeling exposed and constantly worried about my future and what the clinical psychologist thought of me was due to his opening up that dialogue unethically in the beginning of our relationship. Again, I fell into a sort of dual status trap again, and I thought it was normal for preparation for clinical training. Little did I know he was the gatekeeper, and I could have spared about three years of my life had he just rejected me from the beginning or had he just been honest. My therapist understood my premature termination with her, and she always had her doors open for me if I wanted to return. I wound up not returning, but for that short while, she was a huge help to me.

I didn't have a good first therapist experience at the VA, but I wound up having somewhat decent therapists after I terminated with the first therapist. The different therapists I had at the VA were for different reasons. One was a smoking cessation therapist who slightly understood DID and ran both a group and a one-time individual session for tips on quitting smoking. He taught me privately how to use self-hypnosis to quit smoking. I cried toward the end of our session, and he asked why I was crying and what I saw. It was a little me walking down the stairs and out the door that led to the beach. I reminded myself about how I wouldn't want to harm the child me with smoking, and I explained to that therapist how I first started smoking while in-patient and receiving free in-patient cigarettes. I explained that I was threatened involuntary commitment for a year if I didn't leave my room, and that I chose cigarettes that were offered to me as a form of self-punishment for giving my daughter up for adoption. I think he cried a little with me. He said that some of the tools for quitting smoking may work some of the time and may not work at other times, but to keep trying. I felt really heard and understood, and I knew that our time in treatment was over by then. Still, I felt a good connection with him like I did with the female therapist before and the in-patient male therapist before that.

Years before I was diagnosed with DID, I received some treatment by a couple of therapists whom I terminated with prematurely. I was too afraid to tell them all of my symptoms, which is why I terminated. Nevertheless, for the short time I met with them nearly 20 years ago - first with the woman for about a half a year and next with the man for about another six months - they were both very helpful and gentle. The female therapist 20 years ago or so tried to tap her own hands in alternating patterns on her own thighs and asked me to do the same with my own hands on my own thighs while we were silent or talking just a little about my traumas. I think we were trying to get our rhythms the same, and it sort of reminded me of drill team or something, when our dancing in high school years prior to my therapy session had to be in sync. Anyway, I started crying and didn't know why, and she respected me not being able to answer. She just let me cry for as long as I needed to cry before I said something I couldn't remember. I don't remember our last sessions together before I terminated, and I don't know if I dissociated, but my symptoms were scaring me so I left. She was a really gentle therapist though. I think months or a year later, I found another therapist who was male. He introduced the phrase "highly sensitive person" to me when describing what he thought I was struggling with. He was safe, funny, and a good listener. He didn't challenge me too much, but he would ask me questions to get me to think. I don't remember what those questions were, but I only remember feeling really safe. I eventually couldn't afford him anymore, so I terminated.

Flash forward back to the VA and my final therapist while there was a female social worker who was really kind and always checked in with me about whether I smoked again, tried to quit again, or how my mood was. We didn't have weekly visits, but she told me to schedule with her as needed. She and other therapists at the VA eventually helped me to find the courage to leave the clinical psychology lab I had volunteered in as a research assistant, and to consider pursuing other areas or even the same areas, but with better support systems. I found more mentors to temporarily work with for different things, such as one being for professional development and one being for remote research. My professional development mentor didn't ask me personal questions, and she helped me figure out which direction I wanted to go. I knew that disclosing my personal information to the clinical psychologist mentor in the past only led to my feelings of exposure and constant evaluation, so I not only learned from that experience but also realized for myself (not because anyone told me) that clinical psychology would not be the best route for me to take in grad school, especially since I only wanted to do research and not clinical practice. I didn't want to expose myself to scrutiny like that ever again, and it was so painful. I knew that I only wanted to do research, and so my new mentors helped me through the transition from one field to another. My mentors are still in support of me today, and none of them know of any details of my traumas or my DID diagnosis; they only know that I'm disabled with PTSD and trying to rehabilitate back to grad school and then hopefully to at least part-time work. They all see potential in me, which is a plus - especially when I'm dealing with impostor syndrome and my own self-doubt.

The therapists I haven't mentioned were either okay or not that great a fit for me. Nevertheless, I don't write them off as abusive or bad therapists, but rather I just knew that certain personalities or methods don't work for me in treatment, and they might be great with others. I've had enough experience with different therapists and treatments to know by now - some 20 years later - what works and what hasn't worked. It's not to say that I wouldn't try a new treatment or a similar treatment from the ones that didn't work in the past today; I would try it again with a different therapist if the therapist and I were a good fit. But it is to say that I'm more cautious and cognizant of the different personality types and treatments that are available.

My friends who were in treatment or are in treatment and are truly benefiting from treatment all tell me great news and stories about their treatment experiences. When my former neighbor/college friend and I were having many discussions about his struggles with his wife, I suggested that he and his wife seek marital therapy. I also suggested that they start a collage together - one partner at one end and the other partner at the other end - and then see what happens when they meet in the middle to finish the collage of different photos or magazine clippings. I then said, that once they are done, to discuss their experiences with one another and to take that collage to their therapist. He told me he did that and had been benefiting from therapy for about two or three years with his wife. I was happy to see him happy again with his wife.

Overall, what I see as good therapy involves a good personality fit between therapist and client, a clear set of goals up front, a gentle approach when dealing with trauma memories or emotions, the allowances of weeping and crying for as long as it takes in the therapy room (of course, within the limits of the session time), some humor when appropriate, a safe distance from touching, a lot of questions allowing for my own answers without cutting me short or interpreting my answers prematurely, and a genuine care about how I feel before I leave their office at the end of the session. It really helped me to learn from my in-patient treatment that I can state three things positive about myself and three positive things that I will do for myself after I leave the therapy room; any heavy discussions were carefully tapered down toward the end of our session. It also helped to know that I had an option to pay for extended sessions since it sometimes takes a while from the start of the session to actually get into the deep emotional work or deep trauma discussions or meeting new alters that 50 minutes just doesn't give enough time for. A 90-minute sessions seemed really helpful at times, and sometimes a 120-minute session was necessary. Once a week was all I needed most of the time, but during the times I felt I was in crisis, twice a week was more than generous. Anything beyond that was either too expensive or too much, unless I was in-patient, in which case, I had daily therapy sessions and daily groups. Trauma treatment facilities are way better than temporary psychiatric wards because they give us the tools to stabilize in the long-term, as opposed to meds, referrals, and short-term occupational therapy that only helps for a short while in psych wards and a few days or weeks after.

There were times I didn't like to be challenged, but the care and gentleness involved when I was being challenged was enough for me to know that I could feel safe sharing and safe learning new things about myself and what I needed to work on. It's not easy to hear negative things about yourself from a therapist who can represent so many things when transference takes place. I, for one, would rather be open about my transference with a therapist, but only with therapists who hold personalities and modalities that are gentle, willing to listen, and trained to explore why the transference issues are there. The therapists trust you, and so you can trust them. It's a good balance of give-and-take. It's like you have a therapist as a coach, teammate, and guide on your side - the power differential only being there in terms of their credientials being utilized to help bring us back out of a tough situation or a distressing moment.

Anyway, this is all I have to offer for now in terms of what good therapy felt like for me.

It would be interesting to hear about the good therapy experiences you all have had, too, and in what ways they are similar as well as different.

I have had several bad T’s, in fact last session I talked about it with current T and compared my experiences. He almost started crying listening to my previous experiences and thanked me for taking the risk to try with him.

The first session I giggled to myself at how over the top cautious he was with me. He started talking before walking into the waiting room so as not to startle me (even though he is a heavy walker and the floors in the converted house echo his approach). He gave me more space than necessary but when he noticed I wasn’t feeling threatened he shook my hand. His office was bright, tidy and open... nothing to hide. Time had been spent making sure there was a safe place to sit no matter what you needed to feel safe. He was calm and relaxed and always so very gentle but not in a way that creeped me out or made me feel broken.
The second session he introduced how he works with clients. He asked something of me that instantly threw me into freeze mode. He gently asked where my anxiety was and repeated the question more specifically until I was able to respond. When I “returned” from the frozen state his posture and face were warm, kind and welcoming. He then walked me around his office (it is a larger office) and let me see where things were at.
From the beginning he told me he wanted his office to be a safe space for me and if he ever did anything to hurt or upset me he wanted to know so we could fix it. He shared his fear that I would run away from him/therapy without talking to him first and how that would make him feel.
He always starts by having me bring a card with how I have been feeling and a card about what I need from session over to where we sit. The need card strongly influences how he works with me that session.
We did a genogram and worked on history taking but building the relationship between him and I is always top priority. Building our relationship has been the number one goal. Sometimes it means he shares about his life and family so I can see him as normal, sometimes it is playing a game and sometimes it is sharing about our common hobbies.
We tried EMDR but he quickly learned that I have never known a safe place. In doing that we discovered a lot I hadn’t given much thought to but that he felt was important... and then things started to take off.
He had listened so closely to everything I had shared and especially the safe people, the happy times, the things that healed me. A few sessions later he offered to hold me if I ever wanted or needed it. We spent three sessions talking about what that would be like. With only a few minutes left the third session I told him sheepishly I wanted to be held but I was scared. He replied with a very empathetic and gentle “I know you are feeling scared”. He insisted that if I wanted to be held I had to ask but he also saw that I was too scared (asking for needs is still very hard for me). He made it into a yes/no question but warned that this would be the only time he would do that. I managed to nod my head. He created the holding space and I was surprised how I flew to him once he opened his arm. After we talked about how he didn’t lie to me, he really meant it and it really was OK, there really weren’t any strings attached..... I was confused and he was deeply saddened by my confusion. I have asked him to hold me two of the last three sessions and he has without hesitation or question. I have begun to very comfortably start processing trauma. He is a little surprised as he did not expect me to start processing but that has been my response to feeling safe and protected.
He also came into the store I work at a couple weeks ago (we had talked about him shopping there but this was the first time I was working). My face lit up when he came in and seeing my excitement he greeted me with a happy “Hi Omers!!” and a big smile. We processed it the next session and both agreed that it is helpful for me to run into him outside the office.

@Omers

It sounds like you have a really good and gentle T, one who listens to you and who understands your particular disabilities enough to welcome hugs and outside sightings (outside the therapy room, that is).

For other conditions, or in general, T's are often not comfortable with hugs or outside office visits, and for a reason. The dual relationship is an area of unethical practice. It sounds like your T is probably doing his best not to have a dual relationship with you, but to understand your particular disabilities and traumas from a safe place - at least that is my hope for you. His acknowledgement of not having any hidden agendas is a good one, and his boundary of only asking the yes/no question once is also a good one.

The therapeutic bond that you share is really awesome! I hope one day that I can have that bond with a therapist, but at the VA, things are so different, and there are institutional rules in place, so that would never happen there. Nevertheless, I can benefit from the instrumental care they provide, though it is limited.

Feeling safe, heard, cared about, and bonded are important features of emotional social support - emphasis on the emotional. Although therapy can never replace that which we've lost in our own parent-child relationships, we can process those traumas more easily when we juxtapose the emotional supports we have now with what we've not had in the past. Therapy is a great place to process those emotions and emotional needs, so long as it is safe and ethical.

Thank you for your concern. T and I do not have a dual relationship he just happens to shop about once a month at the store I work at. I was the only one on register so he had to come to me. We talked a lot about it before it ever happened. The beneficial part was actually that he got to see how absolutely fake I am IRL. It helped him to understand why no one ever helped me... I looked so “normal”, happy and outgoing. He saw first hand how much I dissociated and hide to get through my days... he saw the me that lives outside the comfort and safety of his office. It gave him a much better understanding of how very much I trust him and how extremely vulnerable I am willing to be with him compared to my normal self.

I have to admit I am shocked by the touch especially because he is male and I am female... but... there are a ton of rules and precautions to protect me. When he holds me there is a pillow between us. But there are also hugs, tapping (EMDR), he will put his hand on my knee and he will hold my hand. BUT... he listened when I let him read an email about the healing power of touch between me and a priest who helped me in college. It was never meant for him to read but when I struggled with being that vulnerable with the priest I shared it with T. T knows how influential that priest is in my healing journey and that there were never any problems with the touch between the priest and I even though there were fewer safety measures in place.

I feel very blessed to be able to work with T.

@Omers

Thank you for explaining that. I have went through therapy abuse where touch was a huge issue (I was female and the T was female, but I think she was a lesbian, which is why her roommate was jealous of me when my T would hold therapy sessions in her bedroom with me sometimes - a complete no no). Anyway, I always go to the dark side when I read about things like this. I can see how healing it is for you, and that's awesome. I'm not sure I'd feel so brave myself in those conditions, but it sounds like you have a good and safe T. The pillow sounds safe, too!



Anyway, it helps to know that there are safe therapeutic methods for those who can benefit from that treatment.

I honestly have recurring nightmares to this day about various fantasies and past therapy abuse, which always involves a couch or bed, a therapist (male or female), and something inappropriate (which I won't go into).

And these were my ADULTHOOD experiences.

My childhood experiences are also replete with abuse of all kinds, but it's the adulthood experiences, including bad therapy or abusive therapy experiences, that are really haunting me, not so much my childhood, which is odd (or maybe part of my DID that blocked most of my childhood).

Your T sounds like a teddy bear.

I'm glad that you had validation from your T in real life. I'm sure there are doctors, lawyers, and other professionals who see their T in real life at times, only because it is quite unavoidable in certain situations or locations that are small in nature (such as small towns or rural areas). That's so awesome that your T understood and witnessed what you go through, and that your T brought that discussion back into treatment. That is healing! I'm so happy for you, and your acknowledgment of your good T experiences is somewhat healing for me. THANK YOU!

I used to be extremely touch reactive because the only touch I got browning up was abusive in one way or another. It was a long slow journey to get past that.


I am so sorry for what you went through. It sounds very similar to my experience with an employer.

@Omers - what you shared in the hidden trigger statement is exactly what I was afraid to describe in detail - so yes, I deal with that, too.

I'm so sorry for what you went through.

Arousal does NOT mean consent. The lack of physical force or violence does NOT mean consent, because even coercion in the kindest (most manipulating) form does NOT mean consent. The absence of "No" does NOT mean consent (at least in California law, where a definitive "yes" has to be there for consent).

I understand the fears and the doubts about consent. It's hard for me, too. I try to find the power to say "no," even when I'm so scared of the repercussions of my "no."

For me, I have only had what I feel are good therapists. Both my Ts have been/ are kind caring and compassionate. They have both excepted me and all my issues with understanding and warmth. They both know my weak points and triggers and try to find the balance of pushing a little bit so we can work on them without pushing to hard so that I disassociate. When I have disassociated, they both were able to help keep me feeling safe, while I work through it. They know I can hear them during those times so they keep reminding me I am in their office with them and I am always safe there. Frequently, I feel to needy, damaged, and complicated they remind me that it is the repetative voices in my head because of my abandonment talking not the reality. If things ever got to much they would tell me. When my abandonment issues arise T always told me she wasn't going anywhere which I understand to mean she planned to work with me as long as she could and I needed. EMDR tells me she has no plans to go anywhere at the moment but that she cannot predict what the future will bring. She knows the pain I feel over the loss of T and doesn't want to make promises she cant keep.

One key thing for me is they do share about themselves. I don't think I could work with and comfortable opening up to somebody who is a stranger. I need the connection. This connection helps me to be able to trust and open up to them. Emdr T and I have talked a lot about trust, she knows this is something we have to visit periodically in order to move forward. She doesn't take it personally, she knows it us because if my past so we go there whenever we need to.

Neither of them have been perfect. Normally I don't tell people if they hurt me or discuss my relationship with a person. EMDR T has been amazing when I have done so. Some of our greatest work has been when she has unintentionally hurt me. She was wonderful, apologetic, and explained her intention.

I've had three really fine therapists that I worked with long-term. I've written about them previously, so I won't go into detail again. Essentially they were all very personable; our personalities meshed, making communicating with them easy and effective. They were models of professionalism, consistency, support, and skill. They worked with me and helped me reach a place where I no longer needed their services. I am grateful for their ability to see me through.

@nottrustin

Thank you for sharing! That's awesome that you had such compassionate and patient T's! I love the part toward the end where you stated that "Some of our greatest work has been when she has unintentionally hurt me. She was wonderful, apologetic, and explained her intention." I think a lot of the emphasis on unintentional followed by being apologetic yet true to her therapeutic intentions are missed by some well-meaning T's and their relationship with their clients. Without such explanations and apologies, and without having built trust beforehand, it is understandable that some clients feel harmed/abused in treatment; the harm may be real, but the intention was not abusive in nature. It's the harm that others may feel, in accordance with their particular symptoms, that is what needs to be addressed and worked out in therapy. It sounds like you have really safe Ts who know how to work with you, and to know how to not make promises they can't keep. They share in your desire for longevity, but they keep it real (and rational), which is an excellent protocol for establishing safety, trust, and learning from example. Not all people/clients can experience treatment that way, even if it were provided by the same safe Ts that you mentioned, but I'm glad that you were able to benefit from it. That connection you speak of sounds very healing. That's the connection that I miss sometimes, but I've had that connection with some T's in the past. I really miss those connections.

Life on this side of being in-between therapists is not so hard, by the way. I used to be dependent on T's, but now I'm just grateful for what I can get. I'd do myself a disservice if I even tried to compare or tried to lament about all the perceived missed experiences I had with potentially better Ts in my past, and all the wasted time for not having Ts like yours who were compassionate and connecting. Instead, I like to think of my experiences as learning times and growing times, and to know now what works for me and what doesn't. What you speak of is what I hope in a T. If I can even get a sliver of that, I'd be happy.

My T is amazing - compassionate, safe, boundaried,, genuine. She's everything that I feel a good therapist should be. She accepts all of me in a way that two previous therapists didn't. I can say anything to her and it will only be met with empathy and understanding. She offers a space that is purely for me and she never takes over or makes it about herself in any way, and yet she's fully herself in there with me.

@Lonelyinmyheart

Thank you for sharing! I hear an ongoing theme about how good therapy involves compassion and safety. You added to that with "boundaried" and "genuine." I think others have touched on good boundaries, too, but "genuine" is often something missed in some Ts. I also like how you mentioned that she accepts all of you; that's so important! As a person who had been diagnosed with DID, or a person who has shared some really twisted or traumatizing experiences, I've not always felt that all of me was accepted. It's great to hear that you are able to experience that! Yay! Your therapist being authentically there with you while allowing you space and truly making the session about you (not about her) speaks to the strengths in your T's character and professionalism.

I only had two therapists and wound not describe either as really good. One was actually terrible, the other one (that I liked quite a lot as a person) okay. I meet many psychiatrists, psychologists and social workers via my work and sometimes I have the impression that some may be quite good, but it is hard to judge not being their client. Usually the ones that I like are well-informed and educated, not only about their strict specialty but also other areas related to what they do. Also are reasonably confident both as professionals and as humans, not in a fake manner to hide their insecurity, but authentically. At the same time respectful, realistic, humble and know their limits and the limitations of therapy (or psychiatry) and are not afraid to discuss it openly.

The best experience I had that was more client-like was with a guy I once met in an addiction recovery/sober community. He was a long time recovered addict himself, retired at the time but previously had a career as a therapist. I felt naturally very drawn to him and used him as a sort of sober guide. He had a great deal of knowledge and valuable life experience and was very insightful, but not in an academic or abstract way... more practical and "street smart". He was a very direct, no-BS kind of person and had the ability to present critical feedback in very respectful and thoughtful ways. He pointed out things in my behavior and thinking that worked against my best interest quite often - something none of my formal, paid Ts were willing/able to do. Sadly, he died after a short battle with cancer after my ~2 years of knowing him, but it was a very valuable connection and also what inspired me to seek real therapy afterward. I know from my relationship with him that I am not truly therapy-resistant and gladly take guidance, feedback and support from the right person, just never found one like him to see as a formal therapist when I was looking. I still often think of him and the many discussions we had, and the kind of person he was. I very rarely see anyone that way but he was sort of a father figure for me during a time when my own father's physical and mental health was already severely impaired by old age. (My dad and this guy eventually died a few months apart.) We also had many similarities in personality and thinking style, sometimes I saw him as a more evolved version of myself, so it was very easy to pick up constructive emotional, behavioral and social features from him and apply to my own life. If I could find someone akin to him, I would probably try therapy again even though I don't currently have significant psychological issues or blocks - there was so much in that guy that anyone intelligent can learn from and use in everyday life (there were also a bunch of others in that community who admired him). He went though a lot of challenges in his own life, including being physically crippled from a childhood illness in his whole life... and it really showed that he had learned to take challenges well., also liked to challenge others. I love people who challenge me in constructive/respectful ways, it does me much more good that mere support, acceptance and being non-judgmental. I personally don't care about safety much other than confidentiality, it is usually pretty easy for me to talk about whatever, even the darkest feelings and experiences, when I want to. I also tend to trust my instincts quite well and relatively easily trust people I have good complex impressions about (until they prove otherwise). But confidentiality is paramount, and I like a direct approach.

Thank you for replying so thoughtfully. My T comes from a person centred approach where congruence/genuineness of the therapist is seen as one of the core conditions in facilitating a good therapeutic relationship with the client. It's the opposite of being a blank slate. I think it must be quite hard to be yourself as a therapist given the importance of making it about the client, but my T is so completely herself. She has said she is exactly the same out of the therapy room as she is in it, the only difference is she uses her skills and training as a therapist which she wouldn't obviously with family and friends. But the essence of her is the same. And I totally see and trust that is the case.

For personal reasons I wont share my own experiences but its nice to read about others and theirs and to see that ones like they way the one who used to be mine do exist out there

I was probably too attached to T we worked together for about 10 years. Her sudden death was devastating. I know many here, in my personal life and in the therapist world believe we crossed way to many boundaries. It worked for us and that relationship was important for me to be able to reveal my trauma an painful past.

Emdr T is very different in many ways. I try not to compare them but it is hard. Emdr T has been there since day one of Ts accident. She has always said she will never try to he T. She accepts that I still struggle with Ts death over a year ago. Sometimes I feel bad about bringing up T in therapy bit Emdr T is always accepting and tells me T is always welcome in our therapy. THAT is also important for me

@nottrustin

I'm so sorry that you lost your T, especially after having bonded with her for a decade. I'm glad that you have good memories of all the work you did together, even if the loss of your T is painful. Your EMDR T sounds really understanding, and it's great that your EMDR T has room to process your grief of T. Those are all good signs of a therapeutic alliance, at least from what I'm reading and understand as a client.

Thank you everybody for answering my thread (when I was lillib).