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WastingAsparagus
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Default Oct 13, 2019 at 06:57 PM
  #1
I am struggling with the following stuff. A. My therapist thinks I should continue drinking even though I am taking Xanax, and there's a known interaction between Xanax and alcohol that is not good. (I haven't had alcohol since 13 days ago, and I'm not planning on drinking at all). B. My therapist is really against whatever my parents say, even though she hasn't even met my parents ever. C. My therapist doesn't usually give me any practical advice but rather, tries to analyze everything to its logical core.

I am just trying to understand better why I continue seeing her.

I have tried online counseling but have done so many stops and starts on that, that the service will probably ban me soon. (I don't know if they'll actually ban me since I'm still paying for it).

I think I need a new therapist but I'm really scared that things will devolve if I go with a bad therapist again.

Also, my parents have played a big role in my mental health recovery but as I said in another thread, I am trying to distance myself from them, especially in terms of finances. My parents seem to question me a lot, especially regarding my mental health. This is an altogether bad situation.

My parents also seem to expect that I tell them details about my mental health that I suppose I have gotten in the habit of telling them over the years I've been sick. But I'd much rather just have those conversations with my mental health providers and not my parents.

I guess I'm just looking for insight on the therapy thing. But I also don't want my parents to act surprised or anything that I switched therapists.

It's a long story I guess...
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Default Oct 13, 2019 at 08:23 PM
  #2
Wait, what? I'm shocked that your therapist thinks you should keep drinking, even when on Xanax... that seems really, really bad (from the little I know!)

I'm not sure, honestly, what's going on with your therapist. But, if you feel like it's not a good fit, or not helpful, you should absolutely contact a few others to see if you can find one that will be better for you.

Can you keep this one, but call up a few others on the side, without telling your T? I know some people have had success switching that way - they sort of start trying out new Ts on the side, until they find one they click with.

Dealing with your parents can be hard, especially if they're used to you sharing a lot of information. Can you just give them general answers? Like, if they ask about therapy, say something like, "Yeah, kind of the same as always!"

The other option is to actually be open with them about the fact that you don't want to discuss this stuff - like "Thanks Mom and Dad. I appreciate your support and help. But, right now, I need some space to work things through with my therapist, and would rather not rehash it all." (or something like that). Depending on their own mental health, this could work fine... or be a disaster

Good luck!
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Default Oct 14, 2019 at 03:34 AM
  #3
Are you an alcoholic?

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Default Oct 14, 2019 at 11:37 AM
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Are you an alcoholic?
No doctor has ever diagnosed me with alcohol abuse disorder or whatever it's called in the DSM V. But I believe I do have a problem with my alcohol use. I've been sober for 14 days and that feels like an accomplishment for me.
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Default Oct 15, 2019 at 06:41 PM
  #5
If you have to question whether it’s a problem, it usually is. However, I don’t understand why your therapist thinks it’s okay to drink while taking medication. Even if you weren’t on meds why would she tell you to continue drinking?
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Default Oct 16, 2019 at 02:09 AM
  #6
Could you please explain the issue with your therapist telling you to keep drinking? What exactly has he said? Is it possible there was a misunderstanding?

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Default Oct 16, 2019 at 04:17 PM
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Could you please explain the issue with your therapist telling you to keep drinking? What exactly has he said? Is it possible there was a misunderstanding?
Yeah, I think I may have resolved it. She was just saying that maybe alcohol helps me take the edge off in social situations. It wasn't a directive to definitively drink alcohol or not drink alcohol. She likes to let me make the decisions, which I appreciate. But, having Xanax on board, I don't think it makes any sense to drink. Especially because my psychiatrist has said that I shouldn't combine the two substances (alcohol and Xanax). So the question with the therapist was just whether she was contradicting my psychiatrist (I don't think she is). My therapist and psychiatrist are going to talk soon as well, both of them told me so.

One of my other issues is feeling like I'm super isolated these days, but I am trying to go check out a co-working space tomorrow so I am somewhat nervous and excited about that!
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Default Oct 16, 2019 at 04:56 PM
  #8
It would still be odd for a T to suggest drinking is a good way to deal with social anxiety... I think it is more avoiding dealing with it and improving. Many people develop a drinking problem that way and that can be difficult enough even without Xanax in the mix. The only situation where I heard healthcare professional suggesting not to stop drinking when a person wants to is serious alcohol dependence, where abrupt quitting could induce dangerous withdrawal. But it does not seem to be your case. I think a good way to help social anxiety is socializing with people you know quite well and consider pleasant, calming company. Maybe invite someone like that to go with you if you feel anxious about some situation or environment. Also, if this is about socializing for fun, choose environments and activities that are interesting to you in more ways than just the social factor. I don't have significant social anxiety but I dislike parties, for example, and much prefer meeting people via my interests, like hobbies etc. Then the activity is inherently more stimulating and the people are more likely interesting as well.

About the issue with parents, you could definitely stop reacting to their inquiries. I get that you are financially dependent on them, but that is a different question, supporting you does not make them entitled to know everything about an adult child, especially to question you all the time. They are probably well-meaning and just don't recognize that you have grown up and don't need to be monitored, or don't need that kind of help from them.
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Default Oct 16, 2019 at 10:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Xynesthesia2 View Post
It would still be odd for a T to suggest drinking is a good way to deal with social anxiety... I think it is more avoiding dealing with it and improving. Many people develop a drinking problem that way and that can be difficult enough even without Xanax in the mix. The only situation where I heard healthcare professional suggesting not to stop drinking when a person wants to is serious alcohol dependence, where abrupt quitting could induce dangerous withdrawal. But it does not seem to be your case. I think a good way to help social anxiety is socializing with people you know quite well and consider pleasant, calming company. Maybe invite someone like that to go with you if you feel anxious about some situation or environment. Also, if this is about socializing for fun, choose environments and activities that are interesting to you in more ways than just the social factor. I don't have significant social anxiety but I dislike parties, for example, and much prefer meeting people via my interests, like hobbies etc. Then the activity is inherently more stimulating and the people are more likely interesting as well.

About the issue with parents, you could definitely stop reacting to their inquiries. I get that you are financially dependent on them, but that is a different question, supporting you does not make them entitled to know everything about an adult child, especially to question you all the time. They are probably well-meaning and just don't recognize that you have grown up and don't need to be monitored, or don't need that kind of help from them.
Thanks for this! Yeah, as of late I have been doing things more in line with my interests (for like a week now). I like going to conversation groups that are low key where I can practice my Spanish and help others with their English. And the best part is that alcohol is not a necessity or even served there (sometimes I fall into the trap of thinking alcohol is a necessary thing to have at certain occasions).

Regarding my parents, I think you're right. My parents are well-meaning, but they don't need to know everything about my mental health, and I should stop indulging them with all that information. It's tiring for me to tell all of that stuff to them all the time.

It's definitely difficult to set boundaries around that kind of stuff though.

It's easier for me to talk to my parents when I'm in a good mood, because when I talk to them when I'm in a bad mood, I often end up telling them all the bad stuff, too, which probably overhwelms them and has them start trying to give me solutions, which just makes me feel resentful.

I think I just need to talk to my parents fewer times per week or something. I pretty much talk to them daily these days. Which I guess isn't bad in and of itself, but I think that I need to cut down on that and be more independent with what I do with my time. It's just overwhelming to talk to them that much.
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