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KLL85
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Default Oct 14, 2019 at 09:04 AM
  #1
So on Saturday I was in crisis and reached out to my list of safe people but all were unavailable. I have an intense phobia of medical staff due to past trauma involving a nurse so presenting at hospital was out of the questions and I also have extreme phone phobia so was unable to call a helpline.
In desperation I contacted my T to ask if he knew of anywhere I could go to stay safe whilst I was in crisis. I did not ask him directly to support me. He isn’t really happy about contact between sessions but he replied saying he couldn’t think of anywhere that wasn’t a medical setting. He then text again saying he felt he had to contact his supervisor about this as it puts him in a compromising position. A further text followed to tell me he needed to make contact with my named emergency contact, even though I had already told him I had tried to reach out to her.
I got the feeling he was pretty annoyed for contacting him on a Saturday afternoon but I genuinely was just hoping he could tell me where to go for help. I get the impression he isn’t entirely comfortable dealing with a person that has a lot of suicidal thoughts and this is now three of four times since I started working with him five months ago that I have been I crisis. I’ve never contacted him before but we have discussed it in sessions and I definitely get the feeling it is not something he wants to deal with. So I’m now thinking it is likely he will terminate this week, either because I broke his boundaries or because he doesn’t feel he can help me. Am I overreacting?
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Default Oct 14, 2019 at 09:13 AM
  #2
No you're not overreacting for thinking that way. It sounds a natural response to what your T has told you and I feel really sad for you actually. I understand your T having boundaries and wanting to reinforce them but it kind of feels like the empathy is missing? That's just what I'm picking up from your post. I think he is panicking that he is left being the first port of call in a crisis and doesn't feel equipped to manage that so he wants to talk to his supervisor about his options. I hope that he doesn't terminate with you but if he does maybe he simply wasn't the right T to handle your issues.
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Default Oct 14, 2019 at 09:21 AM
  #3
Sometimes when you have an "impression" or "get a feeling" that another person has negative feelings about you, this can be a misinterpretation. It sounds to me like he was concerned for your safety. Maybe you could work on a crisis plan that will work better for you. I've heard of crisis lines you can text, for example.
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Default Oct 14, 2019 at 10:03 AM
  #4
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Originally Posted by Salmon77 View Post
Sometimes when you have an "impression" or "get a feeling" that another person has negative feelings about you, this can be a misinterpretation. It sounds to me like he was concerned for your safety. Maybe you could work on a crisis plan that will work better for you. I've heard of crisis lines you can text, for example.

I agree, I'd wait to see what he says. He was probably just concerned, and since you didn't want to go to a medical setting, he couldn't use the typical recommendation of an ER. And even if he was a bit annoyed, it doesn't mean he'll terminate you. My T admitted (after the fact) that he was "frustrated" with me when I was in a similar situation, though I was contacting him over email on a Friday night. He (later) said he felt "trapped" into replying to me because he was worried for my safety. But he didn't terminate me. He said he can be frustrated with me (and vice versa), but it doesn't threaten the therapeutic relationship.


(Off-topic, but I did tell him how his saying those things really upset me. And actually briefly terminated with him myself not long after that for a couple weeks, then came to realize he really was doing those things out of care for me and that I do still trust him. So I went back, we talked it out, and we're working together again.)

And I was going to suggest text or online crisis lines, too. In the future, if you just want to go someplace to feel safe, could you go to, I don't know, like a 24-hour restaurant or diner, even like a Wal-Mart or grocery store, something like that, just to be around people?
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Default Oct 14, 2019 at 10:28 AM
  #5
At this point it is difficult to say and anything would merely be speculation until you get together with T and see what he says.

Because of the situation he has been placed in, I see your T as having done his due diligence.

I would, however, discuss further in session. You could both set up a plan, even a back-up plan, of what to do if a similar situation were to arise and/or if people on your safe list were not available. T could help 'structure' something so you wouldn't be struggling on your own if it were to happen again.
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Default Oct 14, 2019 at 04:09 PM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by KLL85 View Post
So on Saturday I was in crisis and reached out to my list of safe people but all were unavailable. I have an intense phobia of medical staff due to past trauma involving a nurse so presenting at hospital was out of the questions and I also have extreme phone phobia so was unable to call a helpline.
In desperation I contacted my T to ask if he knew of anywhere I could go to stay safe whilst I was in crisis. I did not ask him directly to support me. He isn’t really happy about contact between sessions but he replied saying he couldn’t think of anywhere that wasn’t a medical setting. He then text again saying he felt he had to contact his supervisor about this as it puts him in a compromising position. A further text followed to tell me he needed to make contact with my named emergency contact, even though I had already told him I had tried to reach out to her.
I got the feeling he was pretty annoyed for contacting him on a Saturday afternoon but I genuinely was just hoping he could tell me where to go for help. I get the impression he isn’t entirely comfortable dealing with a person that has a lot of suicidal thoughts and this is now three of four times since I started working with him five months ago that I have been I crisis. I’ve never contacted him before but we have discussed it in sessions and I definitely get the feeling it is not something he wants to deal with. So I’m now thinking it is likely he will terminate this week, either because I broke his boundaries or because he doesn’t feel he can help me. Am I overreacting?
I think it's part of a therapist's job to be at least somewhat available in a crisis. But I know some are not. It should not be outside any therapist's comfort zone to be able to deal with suicidal ideation. I doubt he is going to terminate with you, but if he does you will survive it and probably find someone more competent. Reaching out to a therapist in an emergency is not something out of the ordinary. I assume you texted him and he gave you his number.

Having a phobia of medical centers and phones is going to make it difficult to find emergency services in the future though. I don't know where you are located, but I wonder if your area has a text crisis line. The US has a couple. Maybe do some research now, while you aren't in crisis?
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Default Oct 15, 2019 at 06:47 PM
  #7
He might not necessarily be uncomfortable with your SI per se, but with the predicament of not knowing what he's supposed to direct you to do in a crisis when the options you mentioned are off the table. He has to worry both about doing the right thing to ensure your safety as well as protecting himself from being held liable should you hurt yourself.

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Default Oct 15, 2019 at 07:05 PM
  #8
Why would he give you his personal number if he didn’t expect you to use it?
One of the best things to happen to me was not being able to contact my T off hours. I am better because of it.
You don’t know what the outcome of your actions is yet. I did have a psychiatrist fire me once. It was unexpected. That was quite a few years ago. And it too was one of the best things to have ever happened.
You will be okay.

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Default Oct 16, 2019 at 02:24 AM
  #9
What ended up happening?

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