Possible eating disorder

I throw up sometimes. I'm fat. Self conscious about my weight. It doesnt feel like I do it because I'm like oh I'm fat I need to puke. I just like to puke. So I make myself. I dont know why but I feel better afterwards. Emotionally but I cant say I know anything more in depth than that. My dentist asked me long ago was I bulimic and I said no. He said I had alot of erosion on my teeth even though I brushed twice a day. I dont do it everyday. I wonder if it's worth mentioning to my therapist at all. If I should be concerned about it. I'm embarrassed to talk to her about it. Should I?

I think this is a good topic to bring up to your T, yes.

Yeah, it would probably be good to talk to your therapist. Does she have experience with eating disorders, do you know? I think that sometimes, it can be helpful to have someone with a bit more of a specialized understanding of what's going on.

*hugs*

I couldn’t agree more. If a therapist isn’t specialized in the area of eating disorders you run the risk of them worsening the problem. There are very fine lines to tread when dealing with disordered eating.

Yes, I would mention it to your therapist. You don't have to struggle with this alone..

Thanks guys. I dont know if she is experienced in eating disorders.

Whether or not this qualifies as an eating disorder, I still think it's worth bringing up with your T.

I hate bringing up stuff that embarrasses me (I had a really hard time disclosing about SH), but I always am glad I did it in the end.

Yes, I definitely think it is worth bringing up. HUGS Kit

I definitely think it's worth bringing up, but it's for sure a difficult topic. I've dealt with Bulemia and binge eating. With my first therapist she was not specialized in EDs and basically said it would fix itself if I just talked about my problems and that was that. I now see an actual eating disorder therapist and it's world's different. I can actually talk about it freely without feeling embarrassed because she just makes it so...I don't know, easy. I've made a lot more progress with her!

I told her. She didn't seem To care. She was more concerned with the fact I dont eat breakfast ☹

Do you think you can stop doing this? It's really not good that your enamel is already so eroded. Enamel doesn't just grow back.

I'm sorry she didn't seem interested in your actual problem. It sucks but many therapists have no idea how to treat eating disorders. I've had similar experience in my therapy. You may need to try again, perhaps write her a letter explaining the issue. Hopefully, she'll understand
Most people have no idea what eating disorders are about. They think it's simply "eating well and either stop eating or eat more". Unfortunately, therapists need their clients to explain things to them. It is extremely frustrating indeed.
Please let us know how is goes.

I think she sees that I'm fat so isnt concerned. If I weighed 80 lbs maybe she would be. I am 5'3" and 180 pounds.

I don't know what those numbers mean, I'm from Europe. But that's exactly the worst, even doctors and therapists still assuming eating disorders are physical conditions :-( it sucks!

I think people with bulimia are often not underweight at all or even overweight, and it can still be quite severe. I had bulimia when I was young and was usually on the slim side but not pathologically underweight, but my weight fluctuated. I told my dentist in the past when I had major dental work done that was too much for a 20something person.

Interesting that you like puking. I never liked doing it, but definitely noticed a decrease in my anxiety level and restlessness after a binge-purge episode, I often felt quite calm and content. What I know about it is that the brain secretes more endorphins after purging, so the feeling good is likely a chemical reaction. There is also the part of momentary satisfaction after getting rid of the unwanted food.

My two therapists also did not seem too fazed when I told them about relapses with my addiction, even asked me if I wanted to stop completely at all. They often also did not seem super interested in discussing it or at least seemed more interested in my relationships and mood. It made me upset at times because the addiction was, by far, my most serious and dangerous problem and causing other issues, not the other way around. Like you, I was also thinking perhaps they didn't appear too concerned because I did not show visible, physical signs of serious addiction - was always well-dressed, clean, quite composed, never went to session intoxicated, didn't lose my job or anything else, no conflict with the law. But the appearance did not mean anything else but the fact I could hide it well, it was still a very severe problem and affected every area of my life negatively, including health. I actually canceled or rescheduled several sessions due to struggling with it.

Do you want to stop puking at all? If yes, it is definitely a good topic for therapy, even though I tend to be skeptical about the effectiveness of therapy for addictive habits, given that the behaviors usually never occur in session, we don't bring it there like, for example, a depressed mood or other feelings. Might help with developing better coping methods and impulse control though. What I personally found the most helpful for stopping addictive behaviors is peer support and the experience of other people who went through the same and successfully resolved it, because it requires hardcore action and practical change, not just an empathetic listener and talking. I also find that most therapists don't know very much about recovery methods, even those that apparently specialize in it... I educated my Ts about it more than the other way around.

Edit: In case you don't know yet, it's better not to brush your teeth after puking as doing that after the teeth being exposed to stomach acid can cause even more damage. I did not know that for a long time during my bulimia and definitely saw less progressive damage once I learned it and stopped brushing immediately afterward. Of course this is not a good reason for not stopping the habit.

Oh wow. I'm so so sorry. That... is just kind of crazy to me. I know lots of people who are healthy, but skip breakfast (for lots of reasons) - I don't think that, by itself, is really that alarming. But the throwing up, your T really should have been paying attention to that.

Is she better with other things?

It might be worth thinking about whether another T would be more helpful to you, particularly if you could find one who is experienced with eating disorders.