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junkDNA
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junkDNA endless ocean landing on an endless desert
 
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Default Oct 18, 2019 at 07:43 AM
  #21
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Originally Posted by hopealwayz View Post
It’s almost like some part of me doesn’t believe that I deserve this kindness.
Yes it sounds a lot like self sabotage

I know a thing or 2 about that myself

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Taylor27
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Default Oct 18, 2019 at 11:01 AM
  #22
Hugs hope try to not beat yourself up hugs
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HowDoYouFeelMeow?
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Default Oct 19, 2019 at 01:04 PM
  #23
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Originally Posted by hopealwayz View Post
Ok, I’m still on the schedule.

Can I get everyone’s help to help me figure out why I did this so that it won’t happen again.
My opinion:
It will happen again and that’s okay. It never happening again is unrealistic. It happening less frequently and less severely overtime is a better goal. You “did it” because you were hurting so much and because your brain was probably misprogrammed by your early life caregivers. It’s very much related to your diagnosis and you are not the only one. It’s not your fault that your mind is trapped by your brain. Treatments like DBT can make things less tumultuous.

Try to reflect rather than react. How? If you feel you want to email/call T’s office a lot in a given moment, wait 24 hours then see if your feelings have changed or lessened... even just a little bit. You could even type what you want to say and save it. It’s different than telling yourself “I can’t message T.” Instead it’s telling yourself “I can message T, but I’m gonna wait x hours before I do it to see if my message content changes.” Consider trying this even for just a week like it’s an experiment and you are the lead scientist!

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Default Oct 19, 2019 at 01:25 PM
  #24
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Originally Posted by hopealwayz View Post
Ok, I’m still on the schedule.

Can I get everyone’s help to help me figure out why I did this so that it won’t happen again.
I agree with JaneTennison. This probably had something to do with the big disclosure. I also have a problem with acting out following big disclosures.

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Default Oct 20, 2019 at 11:57 AM
  #25
If you were in the therapist's place would you hate you? If a friend said to you what you said to your therapist would you hate your friend?

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Default Oct 23, 2019 at 08:36 PM
  #26
I had to miss today due to not feeling well.

I’m on the cancellation list but I’m not sure that I will be able to go back until Wednesday.

I have so much on my plate.
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Default Oct 23, 2019 at 08:37 PM
  #27
I think that trusting someone is scary for me and I really trust him.
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Default Oct 23, 2019 at 08:38 PM
  #28
Last week, I sent an explanation letter. If anyone would like to see it, I can send it through PM.
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