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Magnate
Member Since Jan 2016
Location: In my mind
Posts: 2,281
8 272 hugs
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#1
My doctor hates me
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SlumberKitty, Taylor27, TimTheEnchanter
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#2
Hugs, hope. I'm sorry things are so hard.
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
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5 117.7k hugs
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#3
Hugs Hope. Why do you feel that your doctor hates you? Hate is a pretty strong word. Are you sure that he hates you? Could it be that you feel that way, but allow for some other possibilities? I am sorry you are struggling so much. I hope you feel better soon. Lots of warm gentle hugs. Kit
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Magnate
Member Since Jan 2016
Location: In my mind
Posts: 2,281
8 272 hugs
given |
#4
No I think I really messed up last night. I sent quite a few emails talking about sui and I called him a liar. I don’t know what happened last night but the stress in my life caused me to have a meltdown.
I called today to apologize and they ignored my calls but eventually my doctor got on the phone to talk to me about it and I begged him to please not give up on me. He didn’t cut me loose at that moment but now I’m terrified to say anything. I am choosing to take 4 weeks off for things to smooth out. His tone is what makes me think he hates me. |
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, Taylor27
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junkDNA
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Magnate
Member Since Jan 2016
Location: In my mind
Posts: 2,281
8 272 hugs
given |
#5
I hope I didn’t ruin this because he has really helped me but I don’t know if he can forgive me.
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SlumberKitty, Taylor27
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Magnate
Member Since Jan 2016
Location: In my mind
Posts: 2,281
8 272 hugs
given |
#6
And I can’t even forgive myself.
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SlumberKitty, Taylor27
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Magnate
Member Since Jan 2016
Location: In my mind
Posts: 2,281
8 272 hugs
given |
#7
I am a horrible person. This world really would be better off without me.
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, Taylor27
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Magnate
Member Since Jan 2016
Location: In my mind
Posts: 2,281
8 272 hugs
given |
#8
And last week, I just told him my deepest darkest secret. That makes it hurt more with his tone. Because I feel so vulnerable.
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SlumberKitty, Taylor27
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Veteran Member
Member Since May 2017
Location: Earth
Posts: 507
6 89 hugs
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#9
Don't take a 4 week break. Go to your regular appointments to talk about this.
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LonesomeTonight, Omers, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
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#10
Hope, I agree with elisewin. Go to your appointments. Don't punish yourself by not going to your appointments. You sound like you are beating yourself up. That is not productive. And it isn't true about you. Try to be kind to yourself. Show yourself some compassion. HUGS Kit
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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LonesomeTonight, Taylor27
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Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 816
6 70 hugs
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#11
Your doctor was probably hurt. BUT that doesn't mean he hates you. Maybe write an apology letter and take it to the next session? Would that maybe make you feel better?
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Member
Member Since Feb 2016
Location: Usa
Posts: 160
8 22 hugs
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#12
Please go to see him.
I feel for you Hope. I've assumed how my T is feeling about me when I've reached out. I've never been correct when I've done that. T has always been calm and willing to work through my tough times with me. Please give him a chance. I say this as best I can, not meaning to upset you Hope. When I read your posts, they sound so black and white. Either you trust your T and think you're a good fit or he's about to terminate you. Please give him a chance to help you. Dont decide for him how he feels towards you. Meet with him Let him help. The world will NOT be a better place without you. Really. We all have value to contribute in different ways. I've had some very bad spots where I just wanted out. To be done. I'm glad I was able to work through that dark place and come back and enjoy life again. Wishing you the best Hope. Its hard!! |
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LonesomeTonight
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Magnate
Member Since Mar 2017
Location: Underground
Posts: 2,439
7 692 hugs
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#13
Hope, it is most likely not that he hates you, but that you hate that cycle of behavior in yourself. Most doctors never hate their patients. They may become frustrated at times, or feel helpless to help at others, but hate is not generally something that doctors feel about their patients.
You are doing the best you can at the moment, and there are times when your best is better than now, and times when you just can't maintain your best self - yet. A little self-compassion will go a long way. A slip up or a personal crisis isn't an "offence" that will earn you damnation from others. |
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SlumberKitty
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,739
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#14
I'd go talk about it with him next week. I doubt he hates you. It's better to smooth things over now, I'd think.
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SlumberKitty
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Magnate
Member Since Jan 2016
Location: In my mind
Posts: 2,281
8 272 hugs
given |
#15
Ok, I’m still on the schedule.
Can I get everyone’s help to help me figure out why I did this so that it won’t happen again. |
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, zapatoes
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Magnate
Member Since Aug 2014
Location: US
Posts: 2,202
9 121 hugs
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#16
Quote:
If you are anything like me you lash out when you feel vulnerable. I tend to yell at people or push them when I have shared something. |
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SlumberKitty
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susannahsays
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Toodlepip
Posts: 1,711
5 |
#17
This is an excellent question to take to your next therapy session. These patterns won't be replaced or rewritten overnight though - it's hard work to change core responses.
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SlumberKitty
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Magnate
Member Since Jan 2016
Location: In my mind
Posts: 2,281
8 272 hugs
given |
#18
My whole life everyone told me how worthless I was. And then I discovered that I trusted my T and for the first time I’ve learned what trust feels like.
For example, I’m actually participating in life things. For example, I just got an acceptance letter for school. |
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LonesomeTonight, Out There, SlumberKitty, Taylor27, zapatoes
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junkDNA
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Magnate
Member Since Jan 2016
Location: In my mind
Posts: 2,281
8 272 hugs
given |
#19
It’s almost like some part of me doesn’t believe that I deserve this kindness.
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Out There, SlumberKitty
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Magnate
Member Since Jan 2016
Location: In my mind
Posts: 2,281
8 272 hugs
given |
#20
I just read this: Persistent neglect or repeated misattunement from caregivers builds an expectation of not getting one’s needs met. As a child grows into adulthood, this background noise can continue to shape how they see themselves, their environment, and every relationship they enter.
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SlumberKitty, Taylor27
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