Hand-holding

I know a few Ts hug clients, does anyone have experience with hand-holding?

My T and I have been doing deep trauma work the past year and it can get very draining and exhausting. I end up either dissociating, getting a panic attack, or just sobbing uncontrollably. My T is pretty good at spotting when I zone out or when I start panicking and he immediately tries to keep me in the room. When I cry, he is also good at giving me the space for it without making me feel like I am completely alone.

Recently he has mentioned how when he sees me in these various states, he has this overwhelming urge to offer his hand to me. How touch can sometimes help ground someone. So he asked me if I think it’s something that would help. I didn’t really know if it would. So we have an agreement that he would reach his hand out and I can decide if I’d like to take it or not.

He has offered his hand out a few times now. Once when I was starting to panic, he reached out his hand and said “stay with me”. I didn’t take it even if I kind of wanted to. I revealed this shameful secret one time and I felt disgusting and dirty and started crying. Once again, he held out his hand while telling me how how I was not any of those things. I didn’t take it then either,

I guess I wanted to see if anyone has had experience with Ts and hand-holding. Did it help? Was it awkward?

I have rejected it every time he has offered. So recently he asked me if it is making me feel uncomfortable and he would stop if it did. I said no, that I find it comforting that he offers. And he said “then I’ll keep offering it. It is there when you need it and it is also there if you need to reject it”.

I honestly don’t know why I keep rejecting it even if I know I want to hold his hand. Maybe it makes me feel weirdly powerful?

my therapist does this a lot especially with younger alters. it helps a lot.

My T has held my hand a few times. It made me feel worse in some ways, better than others. The only way to know is to try it. I'm sure your T won't be offended if you don't like it. They wouldn't be so cautious unless they knew that some people may like it and some may not.

My T has held my hand to ground me. It instantly brings me back into the room when I've otherwise zoned out or gone into a painful memory. I don't find anything else works so well, but then I love touch, hugs etc.

No not physically. I'd probably pull her in and give her a big bear hug if I allowed that 😂

I am very glad to hear that your T is willing to reach out and that it doesn’t matter if you take his hand or not. Sometimes just knowing there is a hand there if you need it is enough.

My T does hold my hand when ever I ask. I don’t have to be dissociating or upset. If I want/need that kind of connection it is available for me. For me it is extremely helpful. T and I talked extensively in the beginning about touch because most of my trauma revolves around touch or lack of touch and all of the healing I accomplished before finding T involved touch. So, the first time T reached out I was on the edge of dissociating and he gently put his hand on top of mine. That moment of connection was a turning point for us. Now he holds my hand whenever I ask. I find it comforting, reassuring, supportive and it helps me stay grounded. I know we would not have the bond we have now or be where we are now in therapy without it.

My T has done such things when I’m dissociated, but then stops as soon as I’m grounded. Although it helps me feel safer during an anxious state, it feels like I’m being punished for becoming calmer when it’s taken away.

That’s why my T insists that any touch doesn’t have strings attached other than I have to ask for it.

My therapist is a hugger, and so am I. Her hugs mean eso much to me. I'm sure that if I wanted to hold her hand she would be fine with it.

Yes we do that sometimes. I find it grounding and helpful.

My psyd is very strict about things. I doubt he’d ever offer.

Nope. Never. I'm fine with that.

I hug T every session, but in general I have issues with people getting too closer to me or touching me so it's not something I normally welcome. Still, there was one session where I was really struggling and T asked if he could hold my hand. I appreciated the offer but I declined, telling him that it kinda freaked me out and T didn't push. I often think about that and regret not taking that opportunity.

I don't like my hands held even by people I know and love. A therapist trying to hold my hand would not be a good plan for me.