It’s Been A Year And It Hasn’t Gotten Much Easier

This week has been really difficult for me. This week marked 1 complete year without my previous therapist. I felt similarly to the way I did last year this week. I thought about those feelings of impending doom where the days were counting down toward that last session. I miss her so much. I miss her presence in my life. I miss listening to her and seeing her each week. I think about her daily. I wish I didn’t think about her so often but I have trouble stopping. She was so essential to my life. She’s my role model and look up to her.

I thought a lot about the day of our last session this Thursday as that day marked the 1 year since. That day is so vivid in my memory. Throughout, I was playing video of that day in my mind. In the beginning of that day in the morning ,before driving to college, I went to a store and bought some gifts to show my gratitude. I wanted to make that last session a special occasion. I remember when class ended and started driving to go to that last session. During that drive, my heart was beating fast knowing that there was going to be no next week and that this is the end. Tears started dropping down my face as I got closer to where we used to meet. I got one last look at the waiting area before she opened the door to welcome me one more time. The session itself was emotional. I read my goodbye letter to her.. We talked about how that therapeutic space was so important for me. She said I was generous for bringing her the gifts. Before we said goodbye, she gave me a warm hug. That’s how it ended. Afterward, I got back home and cried painfully. After 1 year, her absence continues to weigh heavily on me.

I miss her so much!!

Im so sorry I understand so well. eleven years in and i still grieve for my first therapist who dumped me, Im so sorry it hurts so much.

Wow. I'm sorry. She sounds like she was a great therapist.