Afraid I will be too much for my therapist

I’m starting with a new therapist this week after about a year with no therapy. I’ve tried a few therapists here and there since then and just never felt comfortable. I always worried about being more than they could handle. I worry that if I tell them I’m really in crisis, they won’t be able to help or will refer me out. Or that I’m piling more on them than they’re used to. Or that they’ll handle it poorly. How do I know they can handle it?

I would be up front with them about your fears. Tell them what it's like when you are in crisis and why you fear that you may be too much for them. I bet they will appreciate the honesty and it would help put some of your fears at ease.

I always worry about that, too. It seems to me that being upfront from the start is a good idea. Also, probably almost everybody worries about the same thing.

Handle it or understand it?

Yes to talking to them - the best time to find out that they're not able to handled a crisis, is when you're NOT in crisis

Can you ask them a little about their experiences? Things like... have you dealt with someone in this situation before? How do you typically handle this type of crisis? What would you do if this happened?

You might also ask: Do you have professional support? (I like to ask this sometimes, but to be clear, I'm not trying to pry and get details. I want to know how they get help, professionally, if something starts to feel beyond their capabilities. Do they have a supervisor or a supervisor team that they talk to regularly? Are they posting on the reddit for help - hope not! Etc.)

And, I also like to ask (sometimes) for them to tell if they've ever had to terminate therapy with a client who didn't want to leave, why, and how that worked out. If they say "no, I've never done that", I ask them under what circumstances they *might*.

I've had one T who was very, very thoughtful about this answer. He told me about someone struggling with addiction who only wanted to come to therapy once every 8 weeks or so, and that he didn't feel he could really help in that situation, so he terminated.

I saw another therapist (just once!) who told me that she had never terminated anyone, and couldn't imagine any circumstance where she would - which I thought, either she's not very bright, or she's lying. Because clearly, there are some circumstances (i.e. client being physically threatening) which would clearly warrant termination. So, I didn't go back.

Good luck!

Mostly I like to see how they think and respond though, more so than the actual answer.

Not sure if that helps. But again, it's probably much better to talk about it upfront, before you're in crisis, when it's not such a critical, emotional issue (and before you're super attached!).

How to know if they can handle it?

I would ask them: if I were X, what would you do?

Their reply and attitude (+ body language) would give a lot of information. Also checking their speciality, if they have experience working with particular populations or symptoms, years of experience etc. Basically, I would interview them.

It sucks when you get confirmation that you are, after 3 years, your T says, " your burning me out"!

I agree, ask them about it.

I worry about it, too..I feel like I’m ‘a lot.’
I brought it up to T and she said something like (in a joking manner),

‘I have two sons and four cats. I teach at the University and have clinical clients...
but *your’re* the one who’s going to take me out?’

It lightened my mood.

I'm complicated. However, I've had the same psychiatrist for 24 years. If my therapist is feeling over her head, she has him to fall back on. It's never not worked out.

Best thing to do is talk with them. Maybe come up with a crisis plan, so you know what steps to take. That's what most of my Ts have done with me. It makes things a lot easier. And also come up with a plan to try to recognize a crisis before it even starts. Sometimes it's too hard because you can go from normal to crisis in a minute. But other times you can learn your signs, and maybe reach out before a crisis. That's what T and L prefer me to do.