Two years wait for therapy - in vain

I waited almost two and a half years to see a therapist and now it´s all over - after five sessions.


I disliked this therapist from the beginning but today I said I was willing to give it a chance anyway. But during this last session I felt very ill at ease and uncomfortable in how she talked to me and asked me questions so I shut down and didn´t want to talk to her.

I have really tried to get her to understand what I need from a therapist, what had worked in previous therapies and so on. But she hardly discussed that with me.

I cried a lot during this last session after she asked me if I wanted to schedule another session and I said no and that it didn´t feel well.

So of course the entered the diagnoses talk and began to speculate and said she will recommend some testing. I have been a patient at this facility for years and I´ve already did a lot of tests and screenings.


She didn´t mention a single thing about that she might not be the right therapist or if it was something she could do. It´s all about diagnoses and putting labels on clients.


She said like "we work this way" and I expected her to say something like that. I´m glad I didn´t begin therapy with her but now I´m back on square one.

I'm sorry. The therapy fit is so important and really hard to come by. Are you able to request a different therapist?

Don't give up !
If you've been at the facility for years , they have plenty of records ,as to who and how you worked with X person or therapist . You have a right to read those records , make an appointment to read your records, make notes of who it was .
Then make an appointment with the medical director ,head Proc, T supervisor .
Don't focus on bad experiences or bad mouth the people that didn't work .
Focus the conversation on who or what did work ,and ask for reassignment to 1st available with someone who is more like what has been successfull, they may not have an immediate opening ,however you should not have to go to the bottom of the list and wait for another random T opening.

Make sure to use there own talking points against them .

1.Theres a shortage of mental health people
2. They aren't paid well
3. They have different styles

And your talking points

1. Earlier intervention has better outcomes
2. You have a long history ,they know or can look up
3. Tell them who you did work well with

Don't be a passive consumer , my mom taught me something that served me well in life " Be proactive not reactive" so go into that meeting as your best advocate , have what you want to say either written down or in notes that can keep you on track and convey what you need them to understand .
"Squeaky wheels get the grease", start squeaking!

Thanks. Yes, it´s fundamental for therapy to work. I don´t request another therapist as our mental health care system doesn´t offer that. I´ll be sent back to the former facility from which I was referred. I don´t know what'll happen as the reason for the referral to this T I now ended with was that the former facility didn´t offer psychotherapy but more of brief counselling and support during shorter periods of time.

Thanks. Yes, I´ve done plenty of this before, I mean specifying what I look for and what works but our mental health care system isn´t working properly. There are very strict boundaries around who´s in charge of which patients and which patients should get access to which kind of therapy.

The T I now ended with did specify what she thinks I need as I had sent her a document containing recommendations about therapy made by a psychologist I saw for some testing.


That is, the T I now ended with knows what I need but she won´t offer me that as therapists at her facility, more or less by principle, don´t work according to that.


She knows I need a combination of supportive counselling and psychotherapy but for some reason they can´t give that to me at that facility.


I agree one has to be proactive and not just react to what happens but within our mental health care the patients´ words aren´t worth much. Mostly they just look into diagnoses and make their decisions from that rather than listen to what a patient tells them.

So do you have to pay for this therapy? Is there any option for private practice there? I wonder if someone does sliding fee therapy that you can find.

The relationship between therapist and client is as, if not more, important than the therapist's actual skill.

Do you have private, employer-sponsored insurance or is it government care? How hard is it to get another therapist or get hooked up with another agency?

Thanks. No, I don´t pay for therapy, it´s under public healthcare. I live on welfare so I don´t have money to pay a therapist, not even on a sliding fee.

Thanks. Yes, I agree, I tried to explain to that T what lacked and what I needed but she didn´t want to adapt. I think it partly has to do with that she´s working within public healthcare so every therapist has to adhere to policys set by the facility.

I have only access to government care/public health care and nothing else as I live on welfare. There are no other agencies in my area and I´ve already waited for so long I hadn´t switched anyway. It often take years if you switch agencys to get help at another one.

That's too bad.

I didn't find private therapy that effective anyway, even after trying for years and years with many different therapists.

For some people, and/or for some conditions, there just isn't effective good therapy (yet) IMO.

What do you plan to do next?

Thanks. I´m sorry you didn´t find private therapy effective, it seems so hard to find the right therapist. I think some therapists problematize too much and put too much focus on diagnoses but perhaps that´s not what you experienced.


I don´t know what to do next, I still see my temporary counsellor. She isn´t a therapist so I can´t get any treatment from her but I´ll see if the facility comes up with some kind of solution for me.


One of the biggest issues are that I need to see a therapist who also works with sexological issues and that´s not what public mental health care offer here. Some therapists might be knowledgeable but many tend to minimize sexological issues into general talk about anxiety, shame and so on.

Depending on the nature of the issues, could a doctor be potentially helpful with those? If it's not emotional things like anxiety, shame etc.

It can be difficult to find the right therapist but also, therapy in general is just not helpful for everyone. I tend to think that most often, if someone has not found anyone helpful after years of trying and >3 Ts, it's probably a good idea to consider whether this form of help is compatible with that person at all. Not to put any blame on you, simply just like a certain career, environment, common medical treatment etc may not work for everyone.

Maybe at your local university, they might have therapists-in-training. Would you be willing to try that?

Thanks. The sexual issues I have aren´t medical but need to be addressed within therapy. I think much has to do with our mental health care system where you can´t get easy access to longer therapies but only short CBT:s and other interventions.

Thanks. No, I wouldn´t try a therapist in training as I need someone experienced who I can work with for a longer period of time. Those in training only offer limited therapies according to the length of their education and they don´t adapt to what the client needs.

I just feel it´s hopeless to get the help I need.