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ScarletPimpernel
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Default Oct 22, 2019 at 12:29 AM
  #1
Can a T have counter-transference for you and still function as an ethical T?

And what does counter-transference actually mean? They have feelings for you? They're attached to you? They have transference with you (i.e. see you as a parent, sibling, child, etc?

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Default Oct 22, 2019 at 12:58 AM
  #2
My understanding is it’s very common for people to have transference and counter-transference. I feel it’s healthy to recognize it.

In my opinion, it’s not necessarily the T’s transference or counter transference that is unethical. As I noted, it’s common to experience it.

The question might be, is it helpful for the T to share his/her transference or counter transference feelings about their client *with* the client?
If they reveal such feelings- the revelation, ideally. should somehow benefit the client.
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Default Oct 22, 2019 at 02:14 AM
  #3
Totally agree with what pre says. Additionally, I think countertransference can be really useful for therapy, just like transference, when the therapist is able to reflect on what they are feeling and what this might mean for the work (whether in supervision or whatever). Like pre says, whether it is shared with the client depends on whether it is useful to the client, and certainly shouldn't be shared if hearing it could be harmful. CT is a feeling, just like any other feeling, and in my view shouldn't be judged, but rather seen as an inevitable part of therapy.
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Default Oct 22, 2019 at 03:01 AM
  #4
It's not bad, it's completely natural. Therapists are human too and clients will inevitably bring out feelings in them. The important thing for a therapist is to be aware of what's happening. Self-awareness is vital. Then they can be aware of what's pushing their buttons and why and whether to disclose certain things to a client or not depending on whether it will benefit the clients therapy.
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Default Oct 22, 2019 at 03:37 AM
  #5
At any rate, transference and counter-transference exist in real life rather than belonging exclusively to the therapeutic setting.

Quote:
Can a T have counter-transference for you and still function as an ethical T?
Absolutely. Feelings don't have to dictate how one acts. A T might feel maternal towards a client but, aware of it, will still behave professionally and not 'contaminate' the space with their issues/crap.

There are many definitions available on the net anyway, but it is basically when a therapist has misplaced or misdirected feelings towards their client. It doesn't have much (if anything) to do with that particular client, so much as from other people in T's life.
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Default Oct 22, 2019 at 04:58 AM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rive. View Post
At any rate, transference and counter-transference exist in real life rather than belonging exclusively to the therapeutic setting.

Absolutely. Feelings don't have to dictate how one acts. A T might feel maternal towards a client but, aware of it, will still behave professionally and not 'contaminate' the space with their issues/crap.

There are many definitions available on the net anyway, but it is basically when a therapist has misplaced or misdirected feelings towards their client. It doesn't have much (if anything) to do with that particular client, so much as from other people in T's life.
I agree with most of what you say, but just on the bolded part - it can be to do with the therapist's wider relationships, but it can also be a response to the client's transference (e.g. the client is in need of a mother they never had and the therapist feels maternal in response to those unconscious messages). That element of countertransference can be really useful, because it can help the therapist (and/or client) to recognise needs being communicated on an unconscious level that are outside of awareness.

My T and I have worked with this kind of material quite regularly - I find it helps to hold it lightly, sometimes it's impossible to separate "my stuff" from "his stuff" and we have taken to calling our respective responses to each other "our stuff" because it is what is emerging between us in our relationship and it can be useful to look at, without forming any conclusions about its origins.
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Default Oct 22, 2019 at 06:00 AM
  #7
I think a good T would have worked through an their stuff and have a handle on what's there's and what's yours.

I've never experienced it because T has a handle on her and me.
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Default Oct 22, 2019 at 04:10 PM
  #8
I think ex-t didn't at all have a handle on 'her stuff' at my 2nd to last (disaster of a) session, but it was most obvious that she had gotten a handle on it before our last session and it went much, much better as a result. Thankfully!!
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Default Oct 22, 2019 at 04:22 PM
  #9
I definitely don't think all countertransference is bad - I quite like to pay attention to and learn from these things in all sorts of relationships, they are definitely not specific to therapy. The best I've experienced in recent years tends to be with one of my best friends, who is similarly introspective and interested in these things, so we have endless interesting and insightful discussions dissecting what goes on between us, how we react to each-other etc. Much better than I've ever experienced with a therapist. Also have a work colleague who tends to be quite receptive to settle conflicts using similar discussions and self-reflection. I find these types of interactions can really deepen and enhance relationships, but it takes two to make it a success. I really don't believe it works well to just do it in a one-sided way, even in therapy. That's not an honest interaction and I don't think it is possible to completely mask those reactions. I also don't think it is possible to completely "work through" these things - what does that even mean? There is a myriad of possible triggers and reactions that we cannot predict until experience them, every situation is unique and has the potential to bring some to the surface. Of course one can observe understand and learn to handle strong repetitive patterns.

My first T let his countertransference reactions to go wild though and it was extremely frustrating and the eventual reason I dumped him. I quit actually twice because I went back for a bit after ~a year, to see if we could discuss it in a more civilized way and perhaps he had learned/changed. Nope. It was informative for me to some extent but totally killed anything that can be called therapy, meaning he is the T and I am the client. It would also not be accurate to call his reactions "counter"transference in a sense that I had no transference going on with him that induced it, he simply acted like a jerk, was sloppy, disrespectful, and bombarded me with his projections. Never experienced similar before. It became evident though that there were many things in me and my behavior that triggered him and a host of passive-aggressive reactions driven by his insecurities.

Last edited by Xynesthesia2; Oct 22, 2019 at 04:35 PM..
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Default Oct 22, 2019 at 04:25 PM
  #10
Countertransference is just a fancy word for feelings....it is present in very many relationships (not just t and client). Good therapists are trained to examine their feelings towards a client and deal with it/them by themselves, or if necessary seek supervision.
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Default Oct 22, 2019 at 04:27 PM
  #11
It is my understanding that counter-transference is basically just the Ts feelings toward the client so as long as those feelings don’t interfere with the work and don’t cross any ethical boundaries, then I don’t think they are a bad thing at all. They actually might be helpful to explore at some point if your T is willing and open.
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Default Oct 22, 2019 at 11:29 PM
  #12
My sense is countertransference is feelings, but feelings towards the client triggered in a specific context. It’s not every reaction the therapist has to the client.

I mean, if my therapist gets irritated at me, often it’s because I’m being irritating—not countertransference to me. If she gets irritated at me because I’m doing something that her daughter also does that irritates her and they have a bad relationship—that’s more like countertransference.

I don’t think countertransference should be attributed to every reaction the therapist has. That would suggest clients aren’t, say, likeable for their own selves, or can’t aggravate someone without triggering countertransference.

No, I don’t think it’s always bad. The feeling isn’t the problem, it’s what they do with it.
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Default Oct 22, 2019 at 11:37 PM
  #13
I just got the sense from reading here on PC that counter-transference is bad.

I do worry about L's feelings for me. I worry because I don't want her to care so much that she has to leave me. I love her and want her to be in my life. I'd rather her care less than leave. I just feel like both of us have very strong feelings. I did bring this up to her in an email and she said she's open to talk about it.

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Default Oct 22, 2019 at 11:55 PM
  #14
I agree, it usually sounds bad on here. But I think that’s partly because we hear about its negative results and partly because there is a tendency to assume countertransference when a therapist isn’t acting as we would like them to act.

That L is open to talking about is a good sign, I would think.
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