[Lonelyinmyheart]

I'm having a bad time currently so just felt like a lighter post.

What if your T sent you a friend request out of the blue on facebook, how would you react? Would you accept? Has this ever happened to you?

This hasn't happened to me I'm just pondering.

[SlumberKitty]

I'm not on facebook, so I that could never happen to me. But if I did, I would really have to think about whether to accept it or not. It opens up a whole lot of boundary issues. In the end I don't think I would accept. I'm sorry you are having a bad time. Gentle HUGS if that is welcome. Kit

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Lonelyinmyheart

I'm having a bad time currently so just felt like a lighter post.

What if your T sent you a friend request out of the blue on facebook, how would you react? Would you accept? Has this ever happened to you?

This hasn't happened to me I'm just pondering.

well considering theres ethics laws about how much time must pass before clients and therapists can have a friendship (usually a year sometimes 2 depending upon each USA state from the last therapy contact) I would have to say 2 different answers. yes if the time was right where I would not expect her to act as a therapist and if enough time has passed from the last therapy contact, I have no problem with this at all.

I have also done so with a few of my past therapists on facebook, twitter and just meeting up out in public. having a friend relationship with past treatment providers is perfectly acceptable and the ethics laws take that into consideration. just make sure that both involved know what to expect and what you want out of the new friendship.

keep in mind also that it works the other way too. in order to go from a friend relationship to a client therapist relationship a certain amount of no contact for that past relationship before the new one begins, has to happen.

[Lilly2]

I would not accept, as I agree with SlumberKitty: It would be a serious boundary violation, a dual role, an unethical approach.

FB was not out yet, but I had a T cross boundaries with me. It was painful. Never again.

Good post though!

I hope you feel better, Lonelyinmyheart.

[ArtleyWilkins]

I am friends with all three of my FORMER therapists. Facebook wasn't a thing with the first two and barely a thing with the last. I doubt any of them would have sent me a friend request while I was still in therapy with them; they were all very professional.

However, hypothetically if they did, I probably would have accepted because boundaries were never really an issue. My guess is we would have simply liked each other's funny memes or liked great family pictures on each other's timelines and that would have been the extent of of it (that's really all it is in reality with them on facebook now).

I never had issues of jealousy about their families; I wasn't one to hunt for information about them or their families. They were very transparent about their spouses and kids, etc., so it isn't like anything particularly surprising would pop up. We're all pretty boring on Facebook actually. LOL!

[SoAn]

Hugs to you!

I would be excited and accept. (I would never send him a request myself, but if he would send one to me, it would feel like I am not the one who started the boundary crossing). However, I would then be 1) self-conscious about what he would think of my profile (but probably mostly excited about him seeing more of my life), 2) feel self-conscious in his place if his posts or picture would be awkward in my eyes (the overly critical issue is something I hope I can do away with or make progress on at least).

[SoAn]

On second thought... maybe I wouldn't. I think I mostly fantasize about getting closer to him, but at the same time in real life try to keep boundaries in place when it's obvious. I also want to text him every so often, but would never do it.

[Xynesthesia2]

I am not using FB but just about social media in general, I think for me it would depend on how my therapy with them went and if I liked them. I would not mind and would likely accept the request of an ex-T that was a positive experience for me and/or I am interested in seeing what they are up to in their lives - just like anyone. I wouldn't regard their reaching out any more unprofessional than a former colleague, mentor or student. Current T, I am not sure... it would probably not make a good impression on me that they reach out in any ways that are not professionally-related - in this context, I would see a current T (doctor, lawyer etc) quite differently from a coworker.

[Salmon77]

It would be so out of character for T to send me a FB request that I'd assume he did it by accident. If I knew it was on purpose, I guess I'd probably accept but if he posted a lot of dumb stuff I'd unfollow him.

mine told me i could friend her personal page if i wanted, so i sent her a request and she accepted it. not a big deal.

[maybeblue]

Mine wouldn't. I think it is even in her paperwork about not friending clients. If she did I would think it was a mistake or she had gone completely nuts. I wouldn't accept even if she didn't have that rule. I struggle with social media sometimes anyway when people act super happy and I am depressed, even though I know everyone puts an idealized self out there. I don't get jealous of my therapist's friends, but I prefer to not know too much about her.

[velcro003]

My T isn't on FB or social media, but if she did, I probably would scope out her page first and see how I felt about it. I bet I would accept though. I almost never post myself, so there wouldn't be much for her to see.

[Amyjay]

I wouldn't accept it. It would be so out of character with my T's stance on professionalism within the therapeutic relationship and strong ethics around boundaries that I would be seriously alarmed.

[stopdog]

I am not on facebook but I would not accept. Those people are definitely not my friend. I put them more the enemy category

[Omers]

I would have to talk to him about it in session. There are several people I have friended on FB that we talk about a lot in therapy (mostly toxic family members). I know it would be painful for him to see their reactions to me and my posts BUT it would be really good to talk about the following session. It would definitely fix some of his misperception of me! Lol

[Lonelyinmyheart]

Thanks for all the replies. It's so interesting to see what others think! For the record, I can't see my T ever doing it, at least not without talking to me about it first. She's pretty open for a T but she's also boundaried, so think she would realise the implications if she did do it. I don't think I would accept although I'd be tempted to. I do get jealous of her friends and family, so seeing her interactions with them wouldn't be in any way therapeutic for me. I think I just like to fantasise what I might feel like and do if one day I found she had sent me a request!