Couch 208: The Practical Couch

LonesomeTonight · Nov 22, 2019 at 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by susannahsays

But I think if you had said something more about it, that would actually have been a reason for him to not do it. If that makes sense. He's doing it on his own terms after establishing that he won't do it just because you ask. That is actually different than if he had just done it to begin with, or if there had been further discussion about it and he had started doing it in response to that. He has had his say, so he has asserted himself and can do whatever without feeling controlled. So I'm not sure it can be reduced down to implying that he has basically done a 180 - that's not how I see it, anyway. I think lots of times people will make concessions after communicating their reservations.

Basically, what I'm saying is that I wouldn't assume that the reason he is now standing is because he didn't realize it was important before and now he does. Jmo - and I'm only pointing it out because it seems like setting yourself up for disappointment to rationalize his actions as dependent on understanding how important something is to you (not without him telling you that is what happened).

Hm, OK. You make some good points. I think it's just confusing that he was all, "I'm not going to do that just because you asked me to" then started doing it. So in your opinion, why is he doing it now then? Why not just hold to his word? It's partly, too, that if he forgets and sits down (like if I paid at the beginning), then he'll be like "oh right" and stand up, without my saying anything. I guess I just don't get why he'd be OK with it now, unless it was literally just about his back and that's doing better now. Plus the fact that he joked about it regarding the fish--he knows it was a thing for me.

atisketatasket · Nov 22, 2019 at 07:56 PM

Maybe you’re not asking him to do it anymore in a way that makes him feel manipulated, ergo he is doing it. I didn’t get the sense he ever questioned it was important to you, only that he objected to how you asked and how you reacted to his reaction.

SheHulk07 · Nov 22, 2019 at 08:31 PM

H did something that I think was totally unacceptable the other day and was laughing about it today. I don't find it funny at all, but apparently that's what people get. I'm actually angry with what he did but cant tell him because he sees nothing wrong with it. Maybe I'm overreacting.

Salmon77 · Nov 22, 2019 at 08:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SheHulk07

H did something that I think was totally unacceptable the other day and was laughing about it today. I don't find it funny at all, but apparently that's what people get. I'm actually angry with what he did but cant tell him because he sees nothing wrong with it. Maybe I'm overreacting.

You have the right to feel whatever you are feeling. Don't discount your reaction. If his actions aren't acceptable to you I think it's fair to tell him so.

Polibeth · Nov 22, 2019 at 09:15 PM

For some reason I ended up with an '80's sing-along mix on YouTube.

Brings me back to the days of going to the roller rink every Saturday morning (after using half a can of Aqua-Net and rolling up my Guess jeans.

LonesomeTonight · Nov 22, 2019 at 09:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Polibeth

For some reason I ended up with an '80's sing-along mix on YouTube.

Brings me back to the days of going to the roller rink every Saturday morning (after using half a can of Aqua-Net and rolling up my Guess jeans.

I used to hit the roller rink around 1989-91 or so. Rolled up jeans, not too much hairspray, but I'm sure plenty of other questionable trends.

LonesomeTonight · Nov 22, 2019 at 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Maybe you’re not asking him to do it anymore in a way that makes him feel manipulated, ergo he is doing it. I didn’t get the sense he ever questioned it was important to you, only that he objected to how you asked and how you reacted to his reaction.

Ah, good point. Like if he didn't do it now, I wouldn't say anything. And when we discussed that conflict recently, he said he was confused by how much it had bothered me, because I hadn't mentioned it before. So, yeah, maybe it wasn't so much that it was an unreasonable request, but how I asked and pushed for it. The fact that I've back off, he's more OK giving it to me. Because I'm not demanding it.

It actually seems similar with email replies since I've been back. I email him less often and have been throwing him softballs, easy things to reply to (he's said this--not the softball part, but that they've all been easy replies).

unaluna · Nov 22, 2019 at 10:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I used to hit the roller rink around 1989-91 or so. Rolled up jeans, not too much hairspray, but I'm sure plenty of other questionable trends.

1967-68 for me. I never did learn how to stop. Or turn, or anything fancy. Like bend my knees. But i could go around and around for hours. On the spectrum?

LonesomeTonight · Nov 22, 2019 at 10:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

1967-68 for me. I never did learn how to stop. Or turn, or anything fancy. Like bend my knees. But i could go around and around for hours. On the spectrum?

Oh, I'd just grab onto the wall to stop, I think? Never really learned anything fancy.

Polibeth · Nov 22, 2019 at 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Oh, I'd just grab onto the wall to stop, I think? Never really learned anything fancy.

I learned how to stop after quite a while but what I really wanted to do was skate backwards.

I never mastered that.

SummerTime12 · Nov 23, 2019 at 01:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SheHulk07

H did something that I think was totally unacceptable the other day and was laughing about it today. I don't find it funny at all, but apparently that's what people get. I'm actually angry with what he did but cant tell him because he sees nothing wrong with it. Maybe I'm overreacting.

I’m sorry you’re doubting yourself and your reaction, which is totally valid by the way. This is how I feel with my husband a lot. I was actually just laying here thinking about how I feel really alone and like no one understands how he hurts me, because I worry I’m just being too sensitive about everything. It sucks and I’m sorry you’re dealing with it too.

SheHulk07 · Nov 23, 2019 at 02:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

I’m sorry you’re doubting yourself and your reaction, which is totally valid by the way. This is how I feel with my husband a lot. I was actually just laying here thinking about how I feel really alone and like no one understands how he hurts me, because I worry I’m just being too sensitive about everything. It sucks and I’m sorry you’re dealing with it too.

Thank you. I worry that I'm being sensitive and over reacting about it. It wasn't towards me or the family, just a random person. I found it to be very immature. The whole situation really angers me and I wasn't even there to see it, my son told me because he was in the car when it happened.

SheHulk07 · Nov 23, 2019 at 02:06 AM

I'm really struggling writing this last paper for my class. It's not due until the 11th but I really want to get it out of the way. It's also the longest one we have to write for this class and is a group theoretical framework proposal. I can't seem to figure out what to write for each part. I think I'm overthinking it and it's not supposed to be as hard as I'm making it.

Jersey 4 · Nov 23, 2019 at 10:23 AM

I must find something to do for today. I’m babysitting my twin friends at 6pm but need to keep myself busy until then. I’m not sure what I’ll do today. I was out all day and night last weekend.

Lemoncake · Nov 23, 2019 at 10:58 AM

I'm surprisingly feeling good.

Got my washing done at 3.45am because I couldn't try to sleep anymore. I went to bed at 7.30pm the previous night.
Gym
Then studying at a cafe for around 3 hours. I was following the rule that said you had to buy something. So I did buy the cheapest item which was a pretzel for £0.57p. So i've found my teeny loophole. i would have gone back down to buy a coffee but I didn't want to leave my laptop unattended.

I don't feel bad for staying for so long because they're a big chain and have three stores in my area super close to each other and they're billed as a "study cafe". There were lots of other students too mulling over their single cup.

I was on the second floor and it was still half empty which is better since they opened the larger shop.

Lemoncake · Nov 23, 2019 at 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jersey 4

I must find something to do for today. I’m babysitting my twin friends at 6pm but need to keep myself busy until then. I’m not sure what I’ll do today. I was out all day and night last weekend.

Maybe the library.
Window shopping.
Documentary on netflix?
Cleaning?
In bed chatting with us?

Trip to your fav bar for lunch.

What do you normally like?

Lemoncake · Nov 23, 2019 at 11:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SheHulk07

I'm really struggling writing this last paper for my class. It's not due until the 11th but I really want to get it out of the way. It's also the longest one we have to write for this class and is a group theoretical framework proposal. I can't seem to figure out what to write for each part. I think I'm overthinking it and it's not supposed to be as hard as I'm making it.

Maybe you could find examples online which could give you an idea for structure?

Can you email other students?

Lemoncake · Nov 23, 2019 at 11:04 AM

My take is that often other blame us for being too sensitive when it's not our fault, but rather their behavior which causes the reaction which is perfectly valid.

SheHulk07 · 01:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

Maybe you could find examples online which could give you an idea for structure?

Can you email other students?

Thanks Lemon. There's a forum for asking the instructor and other students can respond too. I might do that once it gets closer to week 6. I've been trying to find examples online but no luck so far.

Edited to add: I posted on the instructor forum to ask to clarify some parts of it even though week 6 doesn't start for 2 more weeks.

ElectricManatee · Nov 23, 2019 at 12:04 PM

Thanksgiving week, woooo!

My wife took the week off and decided she wants to Marie Kondo her stuff, which I fully support. I was a little disappointed that my sister-in-law decided not to host Thanksgiving dinner this year, but now I'm feeling relieved that we won't have to drive a long distance with a one-year-old. We're having dinner with some local friends and one of their moms instead.

Anybody else have fun plans?

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Couch 208: The Practical Couch

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atisketatasket Child of a lesser god Member Since Jun 2015 Location: Tartarus Posts: 19,144 (SuperPoster!) 8 12.4k hugs given	Nov 22, 2019 at 07:56 PM #422 Maybe you’re not asking him to do it anymore in a way that makes him feel manipulated, ergo he is doing it. I didn’t get the sense he ever questioned it was important to you, only that he objected to how you asked and how you reacted to his reaction.

SheHulk07 Magnate Member Since Oct 2013 Location: CO Posts: 2,305 10 871 hugs given	Nov 22, 2019 at 08:31 PM #423 H did something that I think was totally unacceptable the other day and was laughing about it today. I don't find it funny at all, but apparently that's what people get. I'm actually angry with what he did but cant tell him because he sees nothing wrong with it. Maybe I'm overreacting.

Polibeth Poohbah Member Since Jun 2014 Location: Earth Posts: 1,193 9 2,235 hugs given	Nov 22, 2019 at 09:15 PM #425 For some reason I ended up with an '80's sing-along mix on YouTube. Brings me back to the days of going to the roller rink every Saturday morning (after using half a can of Aqua-Net and rolling up my Guess jeans.

Jersey 4 Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: NJ Posts: 1,162 5 1,170 hugs given	Nov 23, 2019 at 10:23 AM #434 I must find something to do for today. I’m babysitting my twin friends at 6pm but need to keep myself busy until then. I’m not sure what I’ll do today. I was out all day and night last weekend.

Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,691 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Nov 23, 2019 at 11:04 AM #438 My take is that often other blame us for being too sensitive when it's not our fault, but rather their behavior which causes the reaction which is perfectly valid. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."