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Old 12-01-2019, 02:11 PM   #11
susannahsays
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Default Re: Love T but concerned about boundaries

I don't think breaking the ethics of the profession always harms the client, despite that being the message. However, the way you describe this relationship seems to be exactly the sort of thing that ends up being harmful to the client. He is your therapist yet it sounds like what you two are doing is not therapy. You should not being paying for friendship.
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Old 12-01-2019, 02:20 PM   #12
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Default Re: Love T but concerned about boundaries

I think you're right to be concerned. This sounds like classic grooming stuff. Love-bombing, you're so special, those silly ethics rules just don't even apply, blah blah blah. I think it's worth looking for a new T, or if you don't want to do that, maybe just consult with someone else about this. I know a few people on this forum have done that.
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Old 12-01-2019, 06:04 PM   #13
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Default Re: Love T but concerned about boundaries

My T works in a lot of grey areas with me as far as standard ethics. One thing I read the other day for sorting out ethics was to ask your T how —— (self disclosure, telling you that you are his favorite....) benefits your therapy. If they can give a reasonable answer to that and they are not violating your boundaries I would be less worried.
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Old 12-01-2019, 09:22 PM   #14
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Default Re: Love T but concerned about boundaries

I'm open-minded when it comes to relationships, including therapeutic ones. I don't believe that there's "one way" to do a relationship. I'm not one to sound a battle cry of "Leave your therapist now!"

My one concern is that he told you you're his favorite patient. That crosses the line from healthy therapy into Uh, that is really weird.

My opinion is that you would do well to tell your therapist of your concerns (because clearly your gut is telling you to question).
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Old 12-01-2019, 09:47 PM   #15
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Default Re: Love T but concerned about boundaries

My T had very sturdy boundaries when we first met over 8 years ago, over time they have certainly softened.

Since your questioning his boundaries then it’s time to have a discussion with him, some of what he said to you is a bit of a red flag.

Counter transference is a real thing and I’d want to get everything out in the open.

Talks like this are very hard to have... but life is hard.
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Old 12-02-2019, 08:19 AM   #16
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Default Re: Love T but concerned about boundaries

DR. Andrea Celenza writes useful, helpful books about theses complex issues : Robot Check
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Old 12-02-2019, 09:49 AM   #17
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Default Re: Love T but concerned about boundaries

Sounds like grooming, which can happen over many years. There's no reason for him to tell you those things... why would he? What's the purpose? Please seek out some additional support and question his motives. Good luck xx
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Old 12-02-2019, 08:16 PM   #18
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Default Re: Love T but concerned about boundaries

Quote:
Originally Posted by toomanycats View Post
Therapy becomes dangerous when it becomes about the therapist's needs.
I think therapy in general is about the therapist's needs. And I think it's most dangerous when therapist need gratification is covert. That is, in a "normal" therapy relationship. What OP describes is overt, thus it's at least easier to recognize.
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Old 12-02-2019, 11:50 PM   #19
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Default Re: Love T but concerned about boundaries

For the therapist to even state that he doesn't care if he loses his job is rather scary (for the lack of a better word).
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Old 12-03-2019, 01:18 AM   #20
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Default Re: Love T but concerned about boundaries

I don't think there is anything strange about a therapist preferring one client over another. Some people are easier to work with or simply their personalities mesh. That's just human nature. We don't like all people equally. What's disturbing is that he told you this. This is a subject he should be working out in supervision...if he's getting supervision...and not with you.
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