Filing a Complaint Against a Former T...(Possibly an Ongoing Thread)

So sorry this has happened to you ( and others ). It's always difficult to decide what to do in these cases. Best wishes and do keep posting , that does help people to process I think , as well as being able to connect and have support from others who've experienced similar things.

I told my current therapist yesterday that I am officially doing this.
I mean, I kind of already was - I contacted all of the therapists I saw in the transition, I hunted down files, I've been spending hours converting them to PDFs. I was already "doing it," but now I've officially put that to words.

I wish I could say this would bring me the kind of closure that would mean I can walk away and never think of or even Google this guy again when it's all over, but I know that's not going to happen. It will give me something: an official "something" I can look back on to convince myself if it wasn't my fault; I will be able to know, also, that I did all I could to prevent it happening to someone else. It will give me that, at least. I hope.

I anticipate a long process, especially given how many files I plan to provide them -- thousands.
I am not currently certain if I will ask them to withhold my name from him. He will know it's me eventually, and I kind of want to go in with my head held high - not with fear (although, let's be honest...there's plenty of fear). When he hears he has another complaint, I kind of want him to know it's me... and, thus, to know he's f*cked. Because he knows. He knew. I kind of want the power now.

Not sure what that means about me, heh.

EDIT:
Nevermind, I apparently don't even have the option to hold back my name.

TMC, you truly are courageous! Sending sooooo much support and acceptance. You are spot on. He knew. While this process will be very arduous, I also believe it will be extremely empowering.

I emailed the board to ask about how best to submit the files, and they responded and were very helpful. However, they did ask me for his name so that they could verify that he was licensed under their board (he is, of course). So, I had to give his name for the first time. And I am stuck in a panic attack at work now.

Hugs, TMC

*hugs* understood.
Giving the name caused me a lot of panic, too.
I wouldn’t even give my good subsequent T (PrevT) his name for the longest time bc I feared everything would be taken out of my hands...and I didn’t know what would happen to me, to him, his family..whether I’d be believed...out of control.

At that time I hoped/thought he may have been a good man who made a mistake with me. I thought it was just me. I didn’t want him to go jail. (Then)
And I didn’t know there were six other women who would be coming forward.

Eventually, I accidentally spoke his name out loud to my subsequent T (mostly referred by me here as PrevT) as I was telling her what happened to me.

I was horrified.

HUGS @precaryous ... how awful.
I've definitely spent the last couple of years thinking and hoping that this was just a fluke...just two people meeting in the wrong situation, feeling too much, making a mistake.
Til I saw this other person's complaint.

I've recovered from the panic attack -- took about an hour, but I"m ok now.
I did just email the board lady back to clarify if I'm even "allowed" to file in Arizona given that our "therapy" terminated right before he moved there (but the relationship continued). I will be holding my breath waiting for that answer... I literally do not know what I will do if they say they have no jurisdiction because of the "therapy" ending before he moved as he is not licensed here in Virginia anymore.

she responded that she can't provide a definitive answer, so to submit the complaint, and they will review it with their attorney to determine if they have jurisdiction.

good luck, i hope you can file in VA.

He's no longer licensed in VA (where I received the therapy).
Only in AZ.
I'm filing in AZ, not VA.

oh-duh! i do hope it works out

Given that some of his contact took place when he was already practicing in AZ, I wonder if that will make a difference. Hope it works out!

Most people I've talked to have said "that would be insane if a therapist could get away with poor conduct just by moving to another state."
Truth.
So I'm hopeful.

Hi TMC,

I first encountered your story several months ago on another thread, and when I read it it just blew me away.

I could relate because of a past experience of my own. I had zero grasp, when I began therapy, of the incredible power the therapist can come to have over our emotions and hence our lives. It is a completely unequal relationship. This is something I've learned from being a member of this forum, and it has been mind-blowing. For a long time I thought I was the only one, but the stories I've read here prove that many troubled people who seek therapy end up sinking into this trap of becoming completely emotionally dependent on the therapist, whereupon the therapist turns out be completely irresponsible and/or unethical.

I do think this is a phenomenon that might be included in the proposed cautionary pamphlet (discussed in another thread) to those beginning therapy, about the pitfalls of the therapeutic relationship. (I'm assuming you know the proposed pamphlet I'm referring to.)

To be valued and appreciated for who you are, to be made to feel special, I mean, who wouldn't want that? Especially someone whose life has been notable mostly for pain? There were so many blatant examples of this creation of specialness in your former therapist's treatment of you. Frankly, I'm surprised that he never seemed to approach you sexually (or perhaps he did and you haven't felt up to sharing it). After all, he pretty much did everything but.

Your experience makes the best possible case for keeping strict boundaries between the therapist and patient. There are good reasons for these standards, as your story shows. And the reasons should be shared compassionately with the patient, as needed.

I absolutely support you in making your complaint, and I hope you will be able to do so in AZ where he is currently licensed. Do please keep using this forum for support as you continue with the process, as it is bound to be -- and already has been -- a difficult emotional rollercoaster for you.

All the best in your endeavors.

I have just uncovered evidence of his forcing me to text him every hour as a form of "hospitalization." This was THE turning point in my "addiction" to him. I am so angry, because I literally told him in these emails that I didn't want to do this, that if he didn't trust me to be safe then he should hospitalize me, that it was isolating me and making me 'addicted' to him." His response? "We'll talk about it."

I am so angry.
I'm also pretty proud of past me for recognizing what was going on, but so angry for past me that he didn't listen. And feeling more confident that this wasn't my fault. Here I was truly speaking up saying "this doesn't feel right" and speaking the ethical truth -- hospitalize a patient you think is unsafe -- and yet, he still proceeded. I am so angry.

Hugs...this also speaks to potential negligence on his part. Where he thought you were safe but didn't hospitalize you. Texting a T hourly is not the same as hospitalization. And I think it's good you're feeling anger, not just now but on behalf of yourself then.

He weaponized your vulnerabilities, and then used that as leverage to manipulate you into an abusive "special" relationship ,either his therapy notes are complete fiction or read like part of a perv rape kit ,if he didn't physically touch you it's a miracle ,however I seriously doubt many people would fathom that mental,emotional rape can have more and prolonged effects beyond the physical act , physical acts are violent crimes and many claim "heat of the moment" ( not a valid excusing in anyway) however this was a long term premeditated cat & mouse game , he had to draw you in ,overcome your immediate "is this sick early warning system" and then week in week out keep manipulating you into submission and complacency , it makes me angry , he needs to lose more than his license, and I don't know you outside the group ,my mom's proudest accomplishment with me is I will not stand by ,even if it will get me in trouble or cost me in some negative way to stand up and protect someone else .nail this dirt bag ,he's had it coming in spades .

And obviously if it opens old wounds or churns new ones ,you have the collected wisdom and caring of this group to help you .

@Misterpain our relationship wasn't sexual, but it was highly sexualized. That's the best description I can give it. We never kissed or touched sexually - but there was a lot of hugging, eventually a sort of holding/sitting with his arm around me in the name of comfort, and he'd tell me when he'd get off work so I could come by and hug him. He did, near the end of our time together, tell me about a sex dream he had about me (and his pleased reaction to it, to put it mildly). He also told me about his genital piercings & about some of his sexual activity preferences. All of this will go into the complaint, but I don't have concrete proof of any of it. Well, minus the hugs & him telling me when he got off so I could come hug him/coming by my house for a hug and stuff. But like the explicit stuff, none of that was ever in writing.

I have plenty. I know that I do. That said, it's VERY hard putting all this down into a narrative. Ugh.

Not sure how this works with the board but if they ask him about his piercings and it matches what you know...how else would you know unless he told you or you saw the piercings? That’s pretty strong proof.

I have a friend who is a cyber stalker sexual predator detective ,she's locked up and convicted 160 dirt bags this year,and that kind of information is pure gold in court ,it completes all the elements of a crime well proving beyond a doubt ,something sick went on ,otherwise you wouldn't have the knowledge .