Therapist Googling Client

With my last name, the highest concentration of people with my last name is in New Zealand. But we are also in South Africa, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, England, and United States with South Carolina, Texas, and California being the highest concentration of people with my last name in the states. That said, I don't see how that would help anyone figure out where I was from. Although I am from California. But I've had a lot of people in my life ask me if I am from South Africa.

To add, it bothers me when people ask me if I am from South Africa. I'm like, no I'm American.

Totally missed this. If true, it slides into a sort of high tech "Where are you from? Where are you really from?" territory. Ugh. I'm an ethnic minority (though I grew up in the U.S. and have like zero accent, etc.), and I've gotten it a lot. It's...annoying.

Yes, the therapist could of just asked where she/he was from. In fact, this is usually asked during the intake visit.

I wouldn't have a problem with my T googling me once or twice, but clearly it bothers you a lot and that's a valid position to take. I wondered also, what LonesomeTonight and ArielAwhile mentioned, if she was trying to figure out ethnicity or something like that—that seems a bit offensive, honestly, and far more personal than, say, your hometown or something. If this T has been helpful otherwise up to this point, I think you could try to go forward but with the understanding that you need to control what information she has about you and that she will not look you up like that again. Even if it is okay with some people, it is not okay with you, and that is important for her to understand and acknowledge.

It definitely would bother me if i found out my T was Googling me. Not because of anything she could find, but it feels intrusive. I agree with you, MM.

Don’t think it matters whether it’s legal or ethical or whether people do it. What matters is its effect on the therapy, whether the client knows about it or not.

Say a therapist sees a client who has a daughter. Client says they have a great relationship, no problems there. Therapist googles client for some reason, finds daughter’s blog. Client, according to daughter, was a bad mother, maybe abusive, is still. Can you imagine how that affects the therapeutic relationship, whether or not the therapist confessed? Therapy should be what the client brings to the therapy room.

Bottom line is, the client needs to trust the therapist for therapy to work (according to every therapist I’ve ever seen). The therapist does not need to trust the client. Googling the client as in the above scenario does not lead to trust.

It is not morally reprehensible to google anyone. If clients are entitled to google Ts, then the reverse ought to apply. It works both ways. As to whether some Ts choose to do so, is another thing. Clients also have the option (as do Ts) to tighten their privacy online.

I also strongly disagree that the therapy relationship is one-way. Therapy is not done *at* clients. Two humans come together for a specific purpose - i.e. to provide a specialised service to another. Clients do not chat with a wall. This is a relational, two-way relationship, with boundaries set in place in order to work on that specific purpose. Equal sharing would only confuse roles and purpose of this transaction. Hence why the focus remains on the client. That doesn't make it one-way.

I think therapists do it all the time, but most deny it and don't tell the client. They tend to like to portray themselves as better than others when they really are not. It wouldn't matter to me, but I think the profession needs to be more honest with clients. I also think when they don't do it it is not for some noble higher reason, but more because they really just don't care enough to bother doing it.
I do not see it as hypocrisy at all - the therapist sets themselves out as other and clients are encouraged to rely on it. So a client gets to do all sorts of stuff the therapist cannot or is not supposed to do. They set the game up that way - not clients.

The providers that I've been to are way too busy to look people up on the internet..

I worked with a psychiatrist who used to do it to clients whom he felt were lying to him, stealing from him or hiding his stuff.

It would be creepy to know that a therapist looks up a patient for no reason. Just like many therapists would feel uncomfortable with that happening to them. They may not say it to the patient, but I'm sure they feel uncomfortable. After all, they are human and want their privacy.

Oh, nope, no, nope, and NO!!!!! I am all too eager to give the benefit of the doubt but for me that just put the last nail in the coffin. I would be looking elsewhere. I adore my T and he is far from perfect, we talked about that yesterday, he has made mistakes with me... lots of them! He LISTENS to my ranting forever! He ASKS clarifying questions about what upset me and what we need to differently, he gives me space... never in a million years would he tell me “but I did this one thing right doesn’t that count?” OMG are we back in JR high?

Yep, that hit a button.

Therapists and mds are not busier than anyone else. Everyone thinks they are busy and everyone makes time for the things they want to make time for. Therapists are absolutely not too busy to look up a client. They may not be interested in it, but it is not due to busyness.

In this context, I really believe we are. The internet is everyone's playground and the beauty of it is that we can privately choose whatever. We can vicariously live and act out our curiosities and fantasies, at times easily beyond what morals (including our own morals and broader) suggest, easily even in the context of highly ambivalent and sometimes unethical beliefs and endeavors.

I like the analogy of high school dynamic, because alls sorts of individual wishes (isn't high school age when people usually try to become really independent first?) are often expressed in using the internet, especially social media. Maybe there is some self-knowledge material for those who like to work with the inner child (teenager?) or similar concepts... But I think, in many ways, even the most sophisticated and complex adult relationships/communities will have those diverse developmental elements sometimes, and no one is ultimately superior/grown-up. I personally had a very strong resistance to this kind of thinking, was claiming nothing child-like about me at this point, but I must say I was wrong.

I am not sure if establishing mental hierarchy about people and relationships is immature, but I know I do it all the time in mind... and I consider myself quite self-aware and mature (for my age, 45). In fact, this developmental dynamic is a primary mechanism of how I try to understand others and navigate relationships relative to me. But, again, I don't think a T should express this natural inner dialogue and developmental shift in their sessions, with their paid clients.

we must work with very different psychiatrists.

Should Ts google clients no I dont think so. do I think some do, absolutely they probably dont tell clients though.

Now if T was goodling just the last name in order to find the ethnicity I would have no problem. Is very french and my maiden name is very German. I would have no problem if she were to look up the origin of the names.

However if she were looking up say my hometown that would require more than my last name which means she lied to me which is a much bigger issue than her googling me.

Mine googled me. there is plenty on the internet about me. i didnt mind. people look me up all the time. she told me to google her to learn more about her. we are friends on facebook. not a big deal.

I don't work with any psychiatrist. I do have to go to court to represent my clients against their psychiatrists and I do see them in hospitals when I go visit my clients or when I have deposed them. But they are not busier than any other professional. I agree they like to think they are more important than anyone else. But I don't think their belief matters and I know it is not true. One time we had one md actually tell the judge that he wanted the courthouse to provide mds special parking places and that would make it easier for him to come to court. To his credit, the judge waited until the md left the courtroom to burst out laughing at him.

Good grief I wasn't singling them out. I can think of a few engineers that are busier than Ph.Ds or MDs.

I am just saying that the few that I have been to ARE WAY too busy because of the kind of commitments they have. Not all MDs/DOs and Ph.Ds are in academic positions. However, the ones that I have seen are. I am talking about me.

By the way, many people avoid certain careers because they want to be able to do the things they want to do.

Never had a T google me but had my PDoc do it. At first I was offended and a bit hurt but then I got over it and realized why she did it.

Nope - it happened. The mds don't like to come to court when they file for the statutory involuntary commitments.