Couch 209: The Kummer Couch

Does she usually charge for phone calls? If so, does she usually prorate them? Is it possible that billing you for a full hour was a simple mistake? I don't think this proves that the relationship is solely based on money. It's certainly part of the picture though. I'm sorry you're feeling hurt right now, but maybe you should take some time before you cancel all your sessions with L. Maybe talk to her at your next session about how hurtful this felt.

Thanks Lemon. H didn't celebrate his birthday since I asked him not to do anything without me, so when I get we'll do a cake and all that. I've never missed a birthday until this year which is just hard for me.

I had H order a dvd and pictures of the recital, so at least I'll have that. And you're right, that she won't remember it. And she'll have another recital in May.

Hugs, Scarlet. I'm sure she does care and love you. My T charges for emails that take longer than a certain amount of time (and doesn't really allow unscheduled phone calls). It took me some time to understand that it doesn't mean he doesn't care or that it's all about money--he's said if he gets paid for his time (beyond 15 minutes--it's free if shorter than that), he's not going to be resentful or annoyed at clients for contacting him. Because I had some issues with that regarding outside contact with ex-T and ex-MC--who never charged for that--I've actually come to appreciate current T's stance. (It's like his way of taking care of both himself and his clients.) However, he does prorate them in 15-minute chunks of time. I suspect your T charging you for a full session was likely an error. She may have just hit a wrong button or typed the wrong billing code.

In terms of her not calling you--you said you told her not to call or email you back. So she's taking you at your word. I imagine my T would do the same (as that's one of his things, taking people at their word). If you *did* want to hear back from her, then you should have told her that. Her not contacting you doesn't mean she doesn't care--it's that she's respecting your request that she not call. Before you decide to stop seeing her entirely, I'd at least go for a session and talk about what happened. I'd hate for you to throw the relationship away over what could have just been a billing error. So it's worth a session to talk it over. Or, if you don't feel you want to see her right now, then call or email and say you *do* actually want a call or email back from her before you come in.

ETA: Just wanted to add that I *was* really upset with my T for a couple times when he charged me--the first couple times, he only charged me for 15 extra minutes, which was $45. But then once he charged for $90 for a half hour--which is more than I pay out of pocket for a regular session with insurance. I certainly would have preferred a full 50-55 minutes face to face than an email for the same expense. And another time, what he replied really hurt me (I think that was a $90 one, too--it's only been a couple times). And I was already really hurting, so the charge felt like a slap in the face on top of it. So just wanted to share that to show that I definitely get your reaction...

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, but it's kind of sad for your kid that his birthday didn't get celebrated because you have fomo and wanted to wait to celebrate because it's hard for you that you're not there.

What if you really didn't want her to call, though? That would be annoying to be completely helpless to make that fact clear.

When you say "no matter what" I kind of wonder if L took that less literally than you did. Maybe she was thinking on it more from her side of things, like no matter what she had going on, she was agreeing to call you back. Unless you two specifically talked about a scenario where you would tell her not to contact you, I would have assumed myself that it would have been the exception to the rule. Could that be the reason?

Do you know for sure that the one hour charge that you saw on your account was for the half hour call yesterday? My bank account rarely updates that quickly. It seems pretty odd that she would start charging for phone calls without talking about it first. I can see why you're upset, and also it seems like this warrants going to session to talk to her about it before you end the relationship.

I find it strange a hospital has little support on the weekends. I hope you make it through until Monday okay.

Sometimes the 'Articles for You' list that shows when you open up a new tab of chrome on mobile is such ****. Why would I need to know the food hygiene ratings of 67 pizzerias in Somerset, which is a county in England, when I am in the Southeastern US and have never stepped foot outside the continental United States in my life?

ETA - Nobody go to Alba Ristorante Italiano or La Capricciosa.

In my jurisdiction - the hospitals don't have anything going on on weekends - no social workers (thank god -I hate having to talk to them about a client) or administrators - just nurses pushing meds and the mds on weekend duty. I usually would visit clients on weekends because no one else was around.

I didn't notice/care what day my birthday was celebrated on when I was a kid. We often put them off (everybody - mom, dad, me, sibling would all have our birthdays on different days at times) a few days or so because of my father's travel. Out of the stuff to complain about my parents for - that one doesn't come up for me and the sibling when we compare notes. We always would have cake, presents, gathering etc at some point - it was not big deal whether it was on the exact date or not.

We weren`t going to celebrate his birthday on that day anyway because it was a school day, and he was aware of that. He got to bring cupcakes to school to celebrate, but everything else was going to be done probably next weekend anyway.

I want a yellow cupcake with chocolate buttercream. And pizza.

Just not from La Capricciosa.

Grades are submitted. Now preparing to travel with the TSA’s favorite feline, new cat, who is taunting me by lying quietly in her carrier hours before she actually has to be in it. Will she be in it when I want her to be? No, she will not.

Movie was awesome and kid was so ecstatic
excited in his Elsa dress
So so pumped

I have now been in bed for 2 days. My head hurts.

I just get pet sitters. I am not nearly intrepid enough to travel with my cats on airplanes. Or in cars. Or bicycles.
I hate dealing with airports and airplane personnel and tsa - adding a cat into the mix would not make it better.
Plus it gives me a reason not to be gone from home for more than a week. And usually I prefer to be gone only 3 days if I have to be gone at all.
If I ever won the lottery (hard because I don't buy tickets) I would spend it all traveling on private jets.
But still without the cats.

L finally called (at 10:30am). She said she didn't email because I told her not to (which I understand), but that she called because it's our agreement and she wasn't going to cancel my appointments without talking to me first. She said that she'll fight for me to stay even if I say I don't want to, and that it will take more than one session before she agrees to just let me go <3

The billing was not an error per se. She did not bill me for yesterday's or todays phone calls. It's our agreement that the first 15mins are free and if she is going to charge me, she'd tell me first. So what I saw that was labeled 12/14 was actually my session on 12/13. She said it doesn't bill till the next day which is why it said 12/14.

We talked a little about what we can do when I run out of money. She listed a bunch of things. She said no matter what, she has to charge me to see her (no pro bono), but that can be a really low fee. But she said she's not leaving me even if I do run out of money. She said the first goal would be to work on housing, the second an income, and third getting me back to seeing her. Makes me feel really good.

I feel bad for the misunderstanding, but she told me she understands. She said that "fear brain" can be so strong and overpowering. And it makes sense that this would upset me so much because I've worked hard to trust her and T, and the fear of losing my supports are so strong and valid.

I told her in the beginning that I don't feel like she understands. She said she'll do everything in her power to try to understand what I'm going through, dealing with, and feeling.

So all is well. I'm glad. I really love her and need her. I need to trust her more.

I'm glad you heard from L, Scarlet, and that everything is OK.

I thought you were calling me names and making comments about my culinary skills again. Then i read the rest of the thread

Eta - why dont they just call the place pot luck? Sounds like they named the place after somebody's crabby granny. If my ma was in a bad mood or mad at us kids for something, dinner got burnt! And i mean when we were grown up.

Do cats fly in the cabin with the passengers? Do airlines warn other passengers that there are going to be cats on board? I'm curious because I'm annoyingly allergic to cats and I can generally tell when one is near me by the ever increasing itching on the roof of my mouth followed by the other normal allergy symptoms. I'm not going to die, but it's not pleasant. Seems like the recirculated air wouldn't help either. I think it's fine to fly with pets, but I also think the airline should inform people if one is going to be on board.