Feeling so invalidated

So I’m having difficult in therapy. It doesn’t seem like it’s helping and in some ways I think it’s hurting. I don’t think my therapist really understands how bad it gets for me. I’ve had to deal with not feeling like I really had a mental illness. Trying to be okay with other people in my life invalidating it and sticking up for myself. So now in therapy, I feel like I’m getting it from my therapist too. There were many warning signs but today, she gave me a printout basically about “How to be happy”. The things on the list were like “be around people”, “do things that you love”. I pushed back a little (but I’m very nonconfrontational so it probably didn’t come across.) I said I wasn’t really interested in doing these things but the response was basically “I get it but this is what you need to do”. I can understand it a little bit but I’m not dealing with depression because I’m lonely or not doing what I love. When I first started experiencing depression, I was in college. I was around people every day, had friends, and was studying something I loved every day and was experiencing suicidal ideation. I still am but I don’t think making friends or doing new activities will improve the general malaise I have for life. If I’m not interested in anything, I’m not interested. I’m wondering what to do next with therapy. I definitely think I should send an email and explain this to her but should I find a new therapist? Especially due to the fact that having my mental illness brushed off triggers those past feelings and it makes me want to appear worse (like doing more self sabotaging things so I seem more ill). Is this even something that can be overcome? It seems like maybe it’s just a pure idealogical difference.

You could ask her why she gave you the hand-out. Maybe she just wanted to give you ideas for distraction. My treatment team is big on distractions. Not a week goes by when they don't suggest one I haven't tried yet. Your therapist might not be invalidating you but rather giving you some ideas to try. My treatment team knows I have OCD, PTSD, bipolar 1 disorder with psychosis, and dissociation. They would like to see me develop a variety of coping tools. My therapist sent me a video of an inspirational speaker. My psychiatrist suggests books. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it doesn't. I tell them that. You could tell your therapist that the list just doesn't help. Maybe it'll start a discussion.

I have dealt with major depression and sui from as long as I can remember (age 7 or 8). I am now in my 50s and honestly I never thought I would "get better."

Not that I am really better now but I have finally noticed some changes. Although my T encourages me to socialize and do things I used to enjoy that gave me purpose he mainly pushes me into practicing mindfulness and DBT skills.

I have been working on this for the past 3 years and I can honestly say that the mindfulness skills (which are part of DBT) have finally started to pay off.

My T never recommends distracting yourself or avoidance unless it is a last ditch effort to prevent sui or sh. He CONSTANTLY pushes me to notice and experience my bad feelings in a nonjudgmental way through mindfulness practice which includes letting the feeling pass by and leave in their own time as well. I have always pushed back on this concept because I don't want to feel these feelings. His response is always "no you don't, but the more you allow yourself to feel them the more you will increase your tolerance level for feeling them and the less they will hurt."

I really hate to admit this but I am finally noticing the truth in this. (Again things are no where near great but I see an ever so slight improvement) I have put in a ton of time and effort into this including my own personal research and study, I never take him at his word and I will probably never admit to him that he was right. He knows this, poor guy. But I do sometimes tell him when I learn something on my own that basically reinforces what he has been telling me all along. He will just have to be happy with seeing me improve a little, knowing I will never give him credit.

Sorry for rambling but I have just noticed these changes in the past 2x weeks after abruptly stopping my meds. T is not happyvabout tgat either but he does contribute my staying afliat withiut meds this long to the progress I have made with my emotional tolerance skills.

I guess what I am trying to say byvall of this is that trying to force yourself to be happy in my experience does not work and ironically, forcing myself to feel and experience my pain (going through the discomfort versus around it) has helped me the most.

My t suggested in a rather insistent way that I should do XYZ things. I neither wanted to or had time to do so. It aggravated me to no end. I’d just keep telling her that it is not going to work for you. That’s it. She can’t make you do it

I should mention too that this was the whole session.. Reading and discussing the handout.

Have you tried medication? Often meds and therapy work better together than alone. I was never able to use the skills or complete the task from therapy until the meds became somewhat effective.

I would definitely be mad aboit a session like that. In DBT there is a DEAR MAN skill. It ia kind of a way to approach someone with your desire in a way thT increases your success rate.

If you honestly don't think this approach will work for you (and I certainly don't think it would help me at all) be up front. Tell him you feel invalidated when he spends an entire session on this handout that is not going to help yiu. Be prepared to offer your own solution though and explain what you are willing to do if they provide other options. EX: i feel invalidated and hurt when you.....I really do want to get better and am willing to....if you could help me with........

That way they see what you want and what you are willing to do in addition to what they need to do to help you both reach the goal of you ultimately feeling better.

I have but they weren’t a good fit. I’m going back to maybe get prescribed something else this month to try again. I don’t really understand the point of paying for therapy if I’m going to be told things I could read online for free. I know what to do to feel better, it’s the actual doing it that’s hard. I need help with moving on from my past, coping with my emotions, being able to function normally and get things done. Is that a different kind of therapy where we just talk and process what’s going on?

The desires you listed are perfectly normal and should easily be in the realm of any licensed therapist's toolbox. I would tell them exactly what you just wrote. That is a perfect explanation of your needs and if your T would help you with these issues your "happiness" would improve naturally. Good luck to you. If they can't seem to handle that request then I would definitely start looking for someone with more skills than just spending an hour discussing a handout of things to do to make you "happy."